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New here: asked my difficult child to leave for the last time
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 225158" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>One suggestion I have - don't know if it would work or not - if he does come home for Christmas:</p><p></p><p>Have a clean set of clothes ready for him (socks and underwear as well as shirt and pants), a new set of towels (bath and wash cloth) and shaving items. Don't forget the aftershave cologne.</p><p></p><p>Ask him to come very early. </p><p></p><p>If he looks shabby and in need of a shower, present him with the above items and invite him to shower and freshen up for the meal if he would like. Make sure there is shampoo in the shower. Set out everything he will need in the bathroom.</p><p></p><p>I would think that if he will take you up on this, he will feel very good to get into clean clothes. Offer to wash and dry the clothes he is wearing so they are clean when he leaves.</p><p></p><p>This might put him in a more relaxed attitude. Focus on family traditions - he is a guest in your home for the day and you are happy to see him.</p><p></p><p>As he leaves, you can set up another visit for more serious discussions, "Oh, it was so good to spend today with you. Can you come back on _______? I have something I would like to talk to you about."</p><p></p><p>You may want to invite him to stay over on New Year's Eve. If he is at your place watching movies, etc., then he will not be at a dangerous party.</p><p></p><p>Then, after the holiday visits, you can talk to him again about his choices in life and how he can do better. It will take work and you are willing to help him find the help it will require.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 225158, member: 5096"] One suggestion I have - don't know if it would work or not - if he does come home for Christmas: Have a clean set of clothes ready for him (socks and underwear as well as shirt and pants), a new set of towels (bath and wash cloth) and shaving items. Don't forget the aftershave cologne. Ask him to come very early. If he looks shabby and in need of a shower, present him with the above items and invite him to shower and freshen up for the meal if he would like. Make sure there is shampoo in the shower. Set out everything he will need in the bathroom. I would think that if he will take you up on this, he will feel very good to get into clean clothes. Offer to wash and dry the clothes he is wearing so they are clean when he leaves. This might put him in a more relaxed attitude. Focus on family traditions - he is a guest in your home for the day and you are happy to see him. As he leaves, you can set up another visit for more serious discussions, "Oh, it was so good to spend today with you. Can you come back on _______? I have something I would like to talk to you about." You may want to invite him to stay over on New Year's Eve. If he is at your place watching movies, etc., then he will not be at a dangerous party. Then, after the holiday visits, you can talk to him again about his choices in life and how he can do better. It will take work and you are willing to help him find the help it will require. [/QUOTE]
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