TweedHouse
New Member
Hello, Its very late and I'm exhausted, but I wanted to introduce myself tonight because I'm so excited to have found this active forum! (7 years late, but better late than never).
My son is 7. He's exhausting! I have struggled with his baffling (but luckily getting a little more sporadic) set of behaviors since he was an infant. About 40% of his days are good, and 60% very difficult. (understatement)
As an infant it was impossible to soothe him. He would not stand for cuddling, or holding when we were sitting still, or co-bedding. The closeness seemed to irritate him. It was so sad, because I wanted to cuddle my infant so desperately. When he would get fussy and cry, he wouldn't be soothed. Only after falling asleep would we get a fresh start at a not-crying baby. He had to sleep in a dark, silent, closed bedroom in his crib.
Around 11 mos. he began the extreme "violent" behavior with me. I put quotes on "violent" because even after all these years of being around such strange behavior, it still feels odd to say an 11 mos. old could be violent.
His pinching, pulling, slapping etc. was always directed at me. Occasionally his dad would be targeted. His strength was almost super human. Once in a swimming pool, he once had a hold of my cheek so hard that my mom had to pry his fingers off of me with all her might. When I said, NO! Do not pinch. It Hurts! He giggled. I can't do any of these stories justice because often people say, oh that's normal, babies do that. But, I'm his mom and I know that a. the severity and strength of his efforts weren't normal, b. the frequency was not normal. c. the context of the situation wouldn't normally be triggers for most kids bad behavior (having fun in a swimming pool) d. His reactions during and after were abnormal and disturbing. At two he threw a toy at me from the back seat of the car and it hit my head and caused me to bleed. He was not allowed to have toys in the car from 2-4 years old and we had to take his shoes off because he'd use anything not bolted down as a projectile. He ruined three of those roller sun shades by bending them in half (1-2 years old) until I got smart and stopped putting them up.
Preschool was a nightmare. I tried two of them and voluntarily pulled him about when it wasn't going well. The first one was too large and he was getting really overlooked and was not engaging in play with other children. I once parked secretly by their playground and found that he just kept to himself the entire play period. The second pre-school was a little more rigid and structured and much smaller. But, he would get in the car after in one of his bad "spells." He would scream, kick and cry the whole way home. The screaming was unbearable. I'd have to pull over because it was almost impossible to drive.
Kindergarten (last year) had good points and bad. Around five he stopped trying to hurt me. (However he still will to this day if in one of his raging tantrums) But, that remains the only disturbing behavior he's almost stopped. He gained new ones. He spent lots of kdg. in the principal's office and the counselor's too. He was still biting at this age. His desk had to be moved next to the teachers out of the group arrangement. The last week of school he had three separate incidents and was in the principal's office. That was the last straw. He did not attend school this year. We are hoping to get some years of homeschooling in to work on behavior/attitude/empathy etc. before the older years that I am very fearful of.
His behaviors: Raging tantrums including screaming, crying, on the floor rolling around, kicking etc. (several a day) Does not handle frustrations/let-downs well. These trigger the tantrums. Triviality doesn't seem to matter. Just not having the right snack options in the house will do it. Extreme negativity. He enjoys little and complains freely. He lies often. He's impulsive with unsafe behaviors. He seeks revenge physically on his playmates. He is basically unfriendly to those family and new acquaintances who don't seem to offer him a perk for interacting with them. (one set of grandparents has a pantry full of the junkiest junk you ever did see, the other set has only healthy whole foods around, Guess who he likes better?) He does not like to try new things. He's skeptical. Recently started hitting his head a few times day. There just isn't joy in him.
He's not: He's not destructive of property. He does not hurt animals, he's gentle with them. He has not stolen that I know of. He has no history of abuse or trauma, he's our birth child, and I was a hyper-vigilant pregnant mom about substances etc. He's also right on track academically.
Just from reading, ODD seems very close to his behaviors. He's never seen a professional for it, because a. we lack many resources b. I've had a hard time putting into words what he does. c. he has those good days as I mentioned before and I must have short term memory loss and think he's all better.
Remember that old saying about the little girl ? When she was good she was very good, when she was bad she was very very bad? That's my difficult child DS. And I'm so tired. Reading here, I can relate and I feel at home already.
My son is 7. He's exhausting! I have struggled with his baffling (but luckily getting a little more sporadic) set of behaviors since he was an infant. About 40% of his days are good, and 60% very difficult. (understatement)
As an infant it was impossible to soothe him. He would not stand for cuddling, or holding when we were sitting still, or co-bedding. The closeness seemed to irritate him. It was so sad, because I wanted to cuddle my infant so desperately. When he would get fussy and cry, he wouldn't be soothed. Only after falling asleep would we get a fresh start at a not-crying baby. He had to sleep in a dark, silent, closed bedroom in his crib.
Around 11 mos. he began the extreme "violent" behavior with me. I put quotes on "violent" because even after all these years of being around such strange behavior, it still feels odd to say an 11 mos. old could be violent.
His pinching, pulling, slapping etc. was always directed at me. Occasionally his dad would be targeted. His strength was almost super human. Once in a swimming pool, he once had a hold of my cheek so hard that my mom had to pry his fingers off of me with all her might. When I said, NO! Do not pinch. It Hurts! He giggled. I can't do any of these stories justice because often people say, oh that's normal, babies do that. But, I'm his mom and I know that a. the severity and strength of his efforts weren't normal, b. the frequency was not normal. c. the context of the situation wouldn't normally be triggers for most kids bad behavior (having fun in a swimming pool) d. His reactions during and after were abnormal and disturbing. At two he threw a toy at me from the back seat of the car and it hit my head and caused me to bleed. He was not allowed to have toys in the car from 2-4 years old and we had to take his shoes off because he'd use anything not bolted down as a projectile. He ruined three of those roller sun shades by bending them in half (1-2 years old) until I got smart and stopped putting them up.
Preschool was a nightmare. I tried two of them and voluntarily pulled him about when it wasn't going well. The first one was too large and he was getting really overlooked and was not engaging in play with other children. I once parked secretly by their playground and found that he just kept to himself the entire play period. The second pre-school was a little more rigid and structured and much smaller. But, he would get in the car after in one of his bad "spells." He would scream, kick and cry the whole way home. The screaming was unbearable. I'd have to pull over because it was almost impossible to drive.
Kindergarten (last year) had good points and bad. Around five he stopped trying to hurt me. (However he still will to this day if in one of his raging tantrums) But, that remains the only disturbing behavior he's almost stopped. He gained new ones. He spent lots of kdg. in the principal's office and the counselor's too. He was still biting at this age. His desk had to be moved next to the teachers out of the group arrangement. The last week of school he had three separate incidents and was in the principal's office. That was the last straw. He did not attend school this year. We are hoping to get some years of homeschooling in to work on behavior/attitude/empathy etc. before the older years that I am very fearful of.
His behaviors: Raging tantrums including screaming, crying, on the floor rolling around, kicking etc. (several a day) Does not handle frustrations/let-downs well. These trigger the tantrums. Triviality doesn't seem to matter. Just not having the right snack options in the house will do it. Extreme negativity. He enjoys little and complains freely. He lies often. He's impulsive with unsafe behaviors. He seeks revenge physically on his playmates. He is basically unfriendly to those family and new acquaintances who don't seem to offer him a perk for interacting with them. (one set of grandparents has a pantry full of the junkiest junk you ever did see, the other set has only healthy whole foods around, Guess who he likes better?) He does not like to try new things. He's skeptical. Recently started hitting his head a few times day. There just isn't joy in him.
He's not: He's not destructive of property. He does not hurt animals, he's gentle with them. He has not stolen that I know of. He has no history of abuse or trauma, he's our birth child, and I was a hyper-vigilant pregnant mom about substances etc. He's also right on track academically.
Just from reading, ODD seems very close to his behaviors. He's never seen a professional for it, because a. we lack many resources b. I've had a hard time putting into words what he does. c. he has those good days as I mentioned before and I must have short term memory loss and think he's all better.
Remember that old saying about the little girl ? When she was good she was very good, when she was bad she was very very bad? That's my difficult child DS. And I'm so tired. Reading here, I can relate and I feel at home already.
TweedHouse
