New Here - Defiant Child is Destorying Our Family

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by brauerboys, Oct 2, 2010.

  1. brauerboys

    brauerboys Guest

    I just found this group and I am sitting in my room in a flood of tears after a morning out with my two boys. My 5-year-old has always been sensitive and cries a lot and is very insecure. He taunts other kids with any toy or object he may have that they don't, he tries to be the class clown, and he generally does not know how to socialize well. For a long time my husband and I felt he needed more discipline but that wasn't working so we've been practicing love and logic parenting with him recently. It doesn't seem to be working at all and he is just raging about everything. Today when he punched a boy in the leg at the park I simply removed him from the park without judging or saying anything and the whole way he was kicking and screaming saying "You dont' love me! You think I'm an idiot!" You think I'm stupid." And then he had a meltdown for an hour about a tatoo that didn't work. He is out of control and often yells at me that I'm stupid and he hates me.

    There are many times I feel I hate him and I am not equipped to be his mother. It is ruining our social life with friends and putting a huge strain on my marriage. We've never been diagnosed with anything. I'd appreciate any advice anyone has.
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Hello & welcome. I'm sorry you had to find us. The first thing I'm going to suggest is that you contact our site owner Cheryl (runawaybunny) about changing your screen name to something more anonymous. Then please change your signatures to made up names for your boys. Our site is accessible to everyone and your family's privacy is important to us.

    Next, I have a few questions:

    How is your son doing in school academically (if applicable)?
    Does he have any friends?
    Did he reach his developmental milestones on time?
    How does he treat your youngest child?
    How does he interact with adults?
    Does he have any underlying medical conditions?
    Are there any developmental disabilities, mental illness or substance abuse issues in the family?

    We aren't doctors here, but rather parents that have been walking similar journeys. Hopefully we will be able to point you in the right direction so you can help your son and family.
     
  3. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome--I'm so glad you found us. You're among understanding spirits here.

    I have two book suggestions for you, the first to help you go further in research and making decisions about where to go from here, the second as an alternative to Love and Logic Parenting, since that strategy doesn't seem like it's effective for your son.

    What Your Explosive Child Is Trying to Tell You: Discovering the Pathway from Symptoms to Solutions by Dr. Douglas Riley

    The Explosive Child by Ross Greene

    Hang in there, and don't forget to take care of you.
     
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    "There are many times I feel I hate him and I am not equipped to be his mother. It is ruining our social life with friends and putting a huge strain on my marriage. We've never been diagnosed with anything. I'd appreciate any advice anyone has. "

    Boy do I understand! The questions asked may help you figure out what's going on as well as where to turn professionally. I would suggest a neuropsychologist exam. It covers a lot of ground and will help with a diagnosis and game plan.

    Welcome to our little corner of the web. It's a nurturing experienced group here that will give you a lot of ideas and support while you're traveling this long, strange road. Make sure you post often, ask a lot of questions and be sure to visit the watercooler. You'll have a lot of interaction on the everyday things that impact us as parents/humans vs. everything being about difficult children!

    Beth
     
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