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New here. Depressed 24 year old refusing help.
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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 681236" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Welcome to this site Canuck. You are not alone and the folks here understand and have learned great wisdom in these situations. It is a safe place here. I do not have much time now, but I wanted to acknowledge your post and share a few basic thoughts.</p><p> What led up to the falling out specifically? Some of the behaviors you described about his stress with the work? Relationship issues? Difficulties in the living situations?</p><p></p><p>Your son is likely depressed and likely fearful of putting forth any effort to get back into life or being responsible. If he is doing pot, that likely contributes to it. But I can see how the situation he is currently in (living free? at the girlfriend’s folks’ home) is certainly enabling his behavior to hibernate, sleep, not get a job, continue depression and avoid life. His current living arrangement relieves him of having to support himself. He is not hungry and he is safe and warm and comfortable. Apparently he has free room and board. That’s all one needs if you want to escape life. If there is any kind of depression or fear and hesitancy to move on with life, the current situation is not conducive to improving it. There is no motive to seek work or be disciplined, or get up and get outside during the day or help others or plan for the future. He doesn’t have to interact with anyone if he doesn’t want to.</p><p></p><p>I don’t mean to sound harsh by saying these things. I am actually speaking these truths as much to myself as to you. I am saying these things because I learned them over several years’ time the hard way with my own son. You can read my story in my 2 threads “Losing Adult Child” - One back in September and another in November. I had to ask my son to leave our home because what I sincerely thought were supportive efforts to assist him made no difference and enabled him to continue in self-destructive behaviors, while he lived with us. It got to the point it was making myself and my husband ill and resentful.</p><p></p><p>While you son is an adult, he is still young at 24 and no doubt finding it hard to manage life in the adult world. My son did OK early on for awhile, but slowing went down more as the years went by. He is 36. I only have hope that he can get back on track at some point, but many years of enabling delayed a lot of progress. I am learning to lovingly detach. </p><p></p><p>Read the article at the top of this forum on detachment to get a basic understanding of the need for detachment and release of enabling. It is helpful. Here is the link. <a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz41uh5wa2u" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz41uh5wa2u</a></p><p></p><p>I will be following along with your post. Also keep reading different threads on this site. Stay with us as many here have been through such similar paths as where you are now. Also know that you can come through these difficult times. You are going to be alright. <em> Kalahou</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 681236, member: 19617"] Welcome to this site Canuck. You are not alone and the folks here understand and have learned great wisdom in these situations. It is a safe place here. I do not have much time now, but I wanted to acknowledge your post and share a few basic thoughts. What led up to the falling out specifically? Some of the behaviors you described about his stress with the work? Relationship issues? Difficulties in the living situations? Your son is likely depressed and likely fearful of putting forth any effort to get back into life or being responsible. If he is doing pot, that likely contributes to it. But I can see how the situation he is currently in (living free? at the girlfriend’s folks’ home) is certainly enabling his behavior to hibernate, sleep, not get a job, continue depression and avoid life. His current living arrangement relieves him of having to support himself. He is not hungry and he is safe and warm and comfortable. Apparently he has free room and board. That’s all one needs if you want to escape life. If there is any kind of depression or fear and hesitancy to move on with life, the current situation is not conducive to improving it. There is no motive to seek work or be disciplined, or get up and get outside during the day or help others or plan for the future. He doesn’t have to interact with anyone if he doesn’t want to. I don’t mean to sound harsh by saying these things. I am actually speaking these truths as much to myself as to you. I am saying these things because I learned them over several years’ time the hard way with my own son. You can read my story in my 2 threads “Losing Adult Child” - One back in September and another in November. I had to ask my son to leave our home because what I sincerely thought were supportive efforts to assist him made no difference and enabled him to continue in self-destructive behaviors, while he lived with us. It got to the point it was making myself and my husband ill and resentful. While you son is an adult, he is still young at 24 and no doubt finding it hard to manage life in the adult world. My son did OK early on for awhile, but slowing went down more as the years went by. He is 36. I only have hope that he can get back on track at some point, but many years of enabling delayed a lot of progress. I am learning to lovingly detach. Read the article at the top of this forum on detachment to get a basic understanding of the need for detachment and release of enabling. It is helpful. Here is the link. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz41uh5wa2u[/URL] I will be following along with your post. Also keep reading different threads on this site. Stay with us as many here have been through such similar paths as where you are now. Also know that you can come through these difficult times. You are going to be alright. [I] Kalahou[/I] [/QUOTE]
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