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New here. Depressed 24 year old refusing help.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 681286" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Canuck,</p><p></p><p>I am glad you found us here. Your son is a grown man and he will have to decide for himself what to do with his life. It sounds like he is burnt out from the job he had and it may time for him to "reboot". The positive thing is has shown that he can hold a job.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad that you have an understanding of what enabling is. I think it's good that he's not living with you as that can make it very difficult to maintain clear boundaries.</p><p></p><p>I would think at some point his girlfriends parents will grow tired of him just hanging out in their basement. This can also put stress on you. I was in similar situation when my son was married. My daughter in law parents, mainly the mom was always giving money to my son, paying their rent, buying groceries, etc.... I remember having feelings of guilt, I'm his mother, I should be the one helping him. The problem was, I had helped (enabled) him, and nothing ever got better.</p><p>One day my daughter in law's mother called me to tell me that her husband had told her she needed to stop giving money to my son and she didn't know what to do. I told her all that I had been through with my son and that she needed to listen to her husband and stop. I told her how disappointed I was in my son that he was not manning up to take care of his wife and child. My poor daughter in law had a job but couldn't afford day care so she would leave my granddaughter with my son. She would come home from her waitress job to find my son playing video games and the baby was still in the same diaper as when she left.</p><p></p><p>Bottom line, your son will have people come in and out of his life who will want to help him, but until he is ready and willing to help himself nothing will change for him. People will grow tired of "helping" him. Hopefully he will come to realize that he needs to get his life back on track.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you............................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 681286, member: 18516"] Hi Canuck, I am glad you found us here. Your son is a grown man and he will have to decide for himself what to do with his life. It sounds like he is burnt out from the job he had and it may time for him to "reboot". The positive thing is has shown that he can hold a job. I'm glad that you have an understanding of what enabling is. I think it's good that he's not living with you as that can make it very difficult to maintain clear boundaries. I would think at some point his girlfriends parents will grow tired of him just hanging out in their basement. This can also put stress on you. I was in similar situation when my son was married. My daughter in law parents, mainly the mom was always giving money to my son, paying their rent, buying groceries, etc.... I remember having feelings of guilt, I'm his mother, I should be the one helping him. The problem was, I had helped (enabled) him, and nothing ever got better. One day my daughter in law's mother called me to tell me that her husband had told her she needed to stop giving money to my son and she didn't know what to do. I told her all that I had been through with my son and that she needed to listen to her husband and stop. I told her how disappointed I was in my son that he was not manning up to take care of his wife and child. My poor daughter in law had a job but couldn't afford day care so she would leave my granddaughter with my son. She would come home from her waitress job to find my son playing video games and the baby was still in the same diaper as when she left. Bottom line, your son will have people come in and out of his life who will want to help him, but until he is ready and willing to help himself nothing will change for him. People will grow tired of "helping" him. Hopefully he will come to realize that he needs to get his life back on track. ((HUGS)) to you............................ [/QUOTE]
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