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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 165972" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>Welcome Jody, My difficult child is also close to your son's age. I know the complete frustration of children who we can scream our heads off at and NOTHING happens.</p><p> </p><p>My difficult child's psychiatrist told me last week that kids do not notice how angry we get, they just see that they got their way again. I think that deep inside I would hope that when my kids see that I am angry they would want to stop their misbehavior to avoid my anger. They could care less as to how I feel when they are so focused on what they want. </p><p> </p><p>I am trying real hard to stay calm in these times. Maybe it will help if we stay focused on the situation and not difficult child's reponses. I get so caught up in difficult child's refusal that I really do give up that he will actually do what he is told.</p><p> </p><p>Never let your difficult child change the subject - do not let him reason his way out of anything that is non-negotiable. Kids try to get you thinking of something else by questioning or outreasoning your rules.</p><p> </p><p>So, not sure that I am much help since I am a newbie in disciplining, but you may want to start by working on your responses - no more screaming - just calmly repeating what you are trying to get difficult child to do. Don't give too much explanation as to why difficult child is to do whatever. Whereas easy child's learn from explanations, difficult child's use them as ammunition to change the subject. You can do the explanations later after the situation is completly over. That is the step that I am concentrating on right now. And as I am, you will learn alot by reading these boards. Ask for specific help when you need to - you will get lots of input.</p><p> </p><p>There is a thread under FAQ with explanations of some of the abbreviations.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 165972, member: 5096"] Welcome Jody, My difficult child is also close to your son's age. I know the complete frustration of children who we can scream our heads off at and NOTHING happens. My difficult child's psychiatrist told me last week that kids do not notice how angry we get, they just see that they got their way again. I think that deep inside I would hope that when my kids see that I am angry they would want to stop their misbehavior to avoid my anger. They could care less as to how I feel when they are so focused on what they want. I am trying real hard to stay calm in these times. Maybe it will help if we stay focused on the situation and not difficult child's reponses. I get so caught up in difficult child's refusal that I really do give up that he will actually do what he is told. Never let your difficult child change the subject - do not let him reason his way out of anything that is non-negotiable. Kids try to get you thinking of something else by questioning or outreasoning your rules. So, not sure that I am much help since I am a newbie in disciplining, but you may want to start by working on your responses - no more screaming - just calmly repeating what you are trying to get difficult child to do. Don't give too much explanation as to why difficult child is to do whatever. Whereas easy child's learn from explanations, difficult child's use them as ammunition to change the subject. You can do the explanations later after the situation is completly over. That is the step that I am concentrating on right now. And as I am, you will learn alot by reading these boards. Ask for specific help when you need to - you will get lots of input. There is a thread under FAQ with explanations of some of the abbreviations. [/QUOTE]
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