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<blockquote data-quote="busywend" data-source="post: 165975" data-attributes="member: 391"><p>Welcome JodyS! I am glad you found us. </p><p> </p><p>We all come here frustrated - I know I came here a yeller! LOL! </p><p> </p><p>I hate confrontation so this ODD really caused me a great deal of stress. When I figured out that my house had become a battlefield, I just stopped. I stopped yelling and arguing. I started to pick my battles. Her brushing her teeth and wearing the appropriate weather clothing became not so important. What became important was her safety and our sanity. The battles I faced were the ones that would keep her safe. The reat of my time I spent getting out of battle mode. No longer arguing with her about the things we argued about daily. What a relief to not live in a war in my own home. </p><p> </p><p>It is called detaching. Detach from some of the things that are not being productive. My difficult child is 17 now and is just starting to shower in appropriate time frames. I never 'make' her shower. I simply started reminding her how long it had been. At times that even brings out a defiant streak in her. So, I learned to remind her as I was walking by and get right into being involved in something else. It stopped the arguments. She probably roller her eyes, threw me the finger, or cursed me under her breathe - but there was no argument. That seemed much more natural of a reaction to me. </p><p> </p><p>The hard part is having to change how you thought you would parent. It takes time and energy to NOT do with comes naturally to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="busywend, post: 165975, member: 391"] Welcome JodyS! I am glad you found us. We all come here frustrated - I know I came here a yeller! LOL! I hate confrontation so this ODD really caused me a great deal of stress. When I figured out that my house had become a battlefield, I just stopped. I stopped yelling and arguing. I started to pick my battles. Her brushing her teeth and wearing the appropriate weather clothing became not so important. What became important was her safety and our sanity. The battles I faced were the ones that would keep her safe. The reat of my time I spent getting out of battle mode. No longer arguing with her about the things we argued about daily. What a relief to not live in a war in my own home. It is called detaching. Detach from some of the things that are not being productive. My difficult child is 17 now and is just starting to shower in appropriate time frames. I never 'make' her shower. I simply started reminding her how long it had been. At times that even brings out a defiant streak in her. So, I learned to remind her as I was walking by and get right into being involved in something else. It stopped the arguments. She probably roller her eyes, threw me the finger, or cursed me under her breathe - but there was no argument. That seemed much more natural of a reaction to me. The hard part is having to change how you thought you would parent. It takes time and energy to NOT do with comes naturally to you. [/QUOTE]
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