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New here, don't know what to do with 18 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 530368" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there.</p><p>You may want to move your post or post this again on Parent Emeritus where the children are over 18 and the parents all have similar problems with "legal" age children. Most of them will tell you that if he does not want to get help at his age, there is really nothing you can do to motivate him...it has to come from him. If he is rejecting treatment, it may be a good idea to take away any money you give him, stop cleaning his room (if you do), take away car use (he could be driving while intoxicated), and stop paying for a cell phone (if you do) in an attempt to at least wake him up to the fact that he is 18 and that, since he isn't in school and has no ambition and is using drugs a nd making poor choices, he will have to fund his own activities and toys. You should maybe also set up a list of chores he has to do...no excuses...since he is still living at home. Those of us who have had or have children who abuse drugs have found that coddling them most often just makes it easier for them to continue their self-destructive lifestyle. </p><p></p><p>You are probably familiar with narc-anon due to your ex, but, if you aren't, it's a really good community of people who are going through what you are. They are a wonderful source of support and ideas. The first thing you have to accept is that you can not change him if he doesn't want to change. At 18, there is no legal way to force him into treatment so he would have to be compliant. But you CAN change your reaction to his behavior and how you live your life in spite of his resistance to getting help. Some parents find we have to show our grown children the door. It is always a terribly difficult and heart-wrenching decision.</p><p></p><p>I highly suggest you check out parent Emeritus. Also Substance Abuse would probably help you a lot. Although the ladies on this forum are wonderful, many have not raised a child to eighteen yet. It gets, well, different once they are in their upper teens, when we don't have much control over them...and it can be a very frightening time. The biggest problem is that kids that age often think they are adults (legally they are) and refuse to go for any psychiatric evaluations or help, even if that is at the core of their drug use. Although nobody here knows for sure, my guess, because of the stealing, is that he is using more than pot. Kids usually start stealing for the harder drugs (my daughter did this...we thought she was only smoking pot too). She was actually doing meth and other scary drugs, but we didn't find out until she quit drugs and told us. These older teens can really fool you!</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board, but so sorry you had to come here and very, very sorry you are going through what so many of us did or are going through. You get big hugs and a TON of empathy from me. been there done that and it tears a mother apart. We tried everything we could and nothing worked well until she herself was out of the house and decided that she was wasting her life...we thought she'd end up either dead or in jail. It didn't happen. There is hope!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 530368, member: 1550"] Hi there. You may want to move your post or post this again on Parent Emeritus where the children are over 18 and the parents all have similar problems with "legal" age children. Most of them will tell you that if he does not want to get help at his age, there is really nothing you can do to motivate him...it has to come from him. If he is rejecting treatment, it may be a good idea to take away any money you give him, stop cleaning his room (if you do), take away car use (he could be driving while intoxicated), and stop paying for a cell phone (if you do) in an attempt to at least wake him up to the fact that he is 18 and that, since he isn't in school and has no ambition and is using drugs a nd making poor choices, he will have to fund his own activities and toys. You should maybe also set up a list of chores he has to do...no excuses...since he is still living at home. Those of us who have had or have children who abuse drugs have found that coddling them most often just makes it easier for them to continue their self-destructive lifestyle. You are probably familiar with narc-anon due to your ex, but, if you aren't, it's a really good community of people who are going through what you are. They are a wonderful source of support and ideas. The first thing you have to accept is that you can not change him if he doesn't want to change. At 18, there is no legal way to force him into treatment so he would have to be compliant. But you CAN change your reaction to his behavior and how you live your life in spite of his resistance to getting help. Some parents find we have to show our grown children the door. It is always a terribly difficult and heart-wrenching decision. I highly suggest you check out parent Emeritus. Also Substance Abuse would probably help you a lot. Although the ladies on this forum are wonderful, many have not raised a child to eighteen yet. It gets, well, different once they are in their upper teens, when we don't have much control over them...and it can be a very frightening time. The biggest problem is that kids that age often think they are adults (legally they are) and refuse to go for any psychiatric evaluations or help, even if that is at the core of their drug use. Although nobody here knows for sure, my guess, because of the stealing, is that he is using more than pot. Kids usually start stealing for the harder drugs (my daughter did this...we thought she was only smoking pot too). She was actually doing meth and other scary drugs, but we didn't find out until she quit drugs and told us. These older teens can really fool you! Welcome to the board, but so sorry you had to come here and very, very sorry you are going through what so many of us did or are going through. You get big hugs and a TON of empathy from me. been there done that and it tears a mother apart. We tried everything we could and nothing worked well until she herself was out of the house and decided that she was wasting her life...we thought she'd end up either dead or in jail. It didn't happen. There is hope! [/QUOTE]
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New here, don't know what to do with 18 year old son
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