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New here - fire setting; stealing - 11 yo
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<blockquote data-quote="ShakinThingzUp" data-source="post: 99359" data-attributes="member: 4250"><p>After thinking about this thread for a while, I thought I should come back and tell you more about what we did to help my son... and the fires he was setting.</p><p></p><p>My sons playing-with-fire started when two other boys in our neighborhood set another boys coat on fire and just watched it burn... my son was in the crowd of boys who watched it burn and did nothing. I made him help pay for the boys coat.... because he didn't help him. I had no idea his own playing with fire would start after that incident..... it was more about not standing up for his friend at that point... not doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>The second time, he took my grill lighter from inside (I had no small children and felt no need to hide it)... and set fire to a small limb outside - no damage, I found the charred limb and grass where it had occurred & grilled my son to learn what had happened. Like others, I lectured, I taught about dangers, etc... never thinking my son had an underlying problem - thought it was mere curiousity, a normal boy thing in his case at that point...</p><p></p><p>About 6 months later, he set a piece of toilet paper on fire in the bathroom and burned a piece of a towel putting it out.</p><p></p><p>About 6 months after that it was a fire in a frying pan (not sure how he started it as I was not home) - he carried it in the living room & dropped it burning the carpet (he was going to show his sister).</p><p></p><p>Utimately here's what we did:</p><p>1 - In the first couple times, we utilized the Boy Scout program - they were very effective in stopping it (thus the incidents were 6 months apart)........ </p><p>2 - But, later I realized it was more than curiousity, it was his cry for help, and no lecturing or education was going to be enough. So, we began to specifically address this issue with a counselor.</p><p>3 - The last incident cost me $1,100.00 to replace the carpeting. I didn't make my disturbed 10 year old pay for it, however, he was punished and made fully aware of how much it did cost me!</p><p></p><p>It's been over a year, and we've not had another incident... BUT, through starting that counseling, we learned how much more was underlying the fire-starting - and he is still seeing a counselor.</p><p></p><p>God Bless!</p><p>Amy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ShakinThingzUp, post: 99359, member: 4250"] After thinking about this thread for a while, I thought I should come back and tell you more about what we did to help my son... and the fires he was setting. My sons playing-with-fire started when two other boys in our neighborhood set another boys coat on fire and just watched it burn... my son was in the crowd of boys who watched it burn and did nothing. I made him help pay for the boys coat.... because he didn't help him. I had no idea his own playing with fire would start after that incident..... it was more about not standing up for his friend at that point... not doing the right thing. The second time, he took my grill lighter from inside (I had no small children and felt no need to hide it)... and set fire to a small limb outside - no damage, I found the charred limb and grass where it had occurred & grilled my son to learn what had happened. Like others, I lectured, I taught about dangers, etc... never thinking my son had an underlying problem - thought it was mere curiousity, a normal boy thing in his case at that point... About 6 months later, he set a piece of toilet paper on fire in the bathroom and burned a piece of a towel putting it out. About 6 months after that it was a fire in a frying pan (not sure how he started it as I was not home) - he carried it in the living room & dropped it burning the carpet (he was going to show his sister). Utimately here's what we did: 1 - In the first couple times, we utilized the Boy Scout program - they were very effective in stopping it (thus the incidents were 6 months apart)........ 2 - But, later I realized it was more than curiousity, it was his cry for help, and no lecturing or education was going to be enough. So, we began to specifically address this issue with a counselor. 3 - The last incident cost me $1,100.00 to replace the carpeting. I didn't make my disturbed 10 year old pay for it, however, he was punished and made fully aware of how much it did cost me! It's been over a year, and we've not had another incident... BUT, through starting that counseling, we learned how much more was underlying the fire-starting - and he is still seeing a counselor. God Bless! Amy [/QUOTE]
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