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New here - fire setting; stealing - 11 yo
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 99416" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hi Sally.</p><p></p><p>I was asleep when you were posting - major time shift for me, I often post way late because we're so far apart in time zones.</p><p></p><p>MWM has some good advice and some things to check.</p><p></p><p>We don't have BiPolar (BP) in the family, we have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) instead. And yes, we also had the fire fascination. difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2 would stop at a tobacconist's on the way to school and although they shouldn't have legally been in his store (under 18) he would give them old lighters that weren't working (but were still loaded with lighter fluid) and difficult child 1 would bring them home to repair, and THEN use. I regularly searched his room and removed lighters (I confiscated them, put them in a special drawer and used them APPROPRIATELY myself) and large cans of lighter fluid and other solvents. He would leave cans of lighter fluid under the couch, in his bed and in his closet. Also through his school bag.</p><p>At school his best friend poured lighter fluid over his (boyfriend's) hand and set fire to it, to see what would happen... yes, he's another Aspie.</p><p></p><p>I have a backyard fireplace. First it was a chimanea, now it's a cast iron pizza oven. I showed both boys how to build a GOOD fire and let them light it, under supervision. I insist on it being under supervision because the boys wouldn't necessarily be aware of whether we had a fire ban day or not and I didn't want to cop a fine for having a fire lit on a fire ban day.</p><p></p><p>If they complied, they got to play with fire - safely. They got it out of their system. I also let them toast marshmallows, if they behaved.</p><p>If they did it wrong, not only did they not get any marshmallows, but that had to stay inside while the rest of us did. It was torture for them to see US playing with fire, and them not allowed to join in. They very quickly became compliant. Maybe that's a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) thing, becoming compliant when you give them access to their obsession. But they also have learnt how to set a proper fire, safely. Not using too much kindling, for example. No huge 'whoosh' when you light it, just enough to get the wood burning properly. The aim is to get the fire going properly, safely, and with only one match (or equivalent).</p><p></p><p>It's easy especially with Australian plants to get a fire going out of control. And kids WILL play with fire. My pizza oven CAN be used with the mesh door open, but every opening has a mesh flame arrestor on it. </p><p></p><p>And the other incentive to get the fire burning RIGHT - home-made pizza, with toppings they chose for themselves. if they build the fire up too much, the pizza burns. it has to be just right.</p><p></p><p>In this way, they get to feed their obsession but they also learn control. It has worked for us. I don't know how effective this is with BiPolar (BP), so talk to the therapists first. However, it did put a stop to cans of lighter fluid hidden around the house!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 99416, member: 1991"] Hi Sally. I was asleep when you were posting - major time shift for me, I often post way late because we're so far apart in time zones. MWM has some good advice and some things to check. We don't have BiPolar (BP) in the family, we have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) instead. And yes, we also had the fire fascination. difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2 would stop at a tobacconist's on the way to school and although they shouldn't have legally been in his store (under 18) he would give them old lighters that weren't working (but were still loaded with lighter fluid) and difficult child 1 would bring them home to repair, and THEN use. I regularly searched his room and removed lighters (I confiscated them, put them in a special drawer and used them APPROPRIATELY myself) and large cans of lighter fluid and other solvents. He would leave cans of lighter fluid under the couch, in his bed and in his closet. Also through his school bag. At school his best friend poured lighter fluid over his (boyfriend's) hand and set fire to it, to see what would happen... yes, he's another Aspie. I have a backyard fireplace. First it was a chimanea, now it's a cast iron pizza oven. I showed both boys how to build a GOOD fire and let them light it, under supervision. I insist on it being under supervision because the boys wouldn't necessarily be aware of whether we had a fire ban day or not and I didn't want to cop a fine for having a fire lit on a fire ban day. If they complied, they got to play with fire - safely. They got it out of their system. I also let them toast marshmallows, if they behaved. If they did it wrong, not only did they not get any marshmallows, but that had to stay inside while the rest of us did. It was torture for them to see US playing with fire, and them not allowed to join in. They very quickly became compliant. Maybe that's a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) thing, becoming compliant when you give them access to their obsession. But they also have learnt how to set a proper fire, safely. Not using too much kindling, for example. No huge 'whoosh' when you light it, just enough to get the wood burning properly. The aim is to get the fire going properly, safely, and with only one match (or equivalent). It's easy especially with Australian plants to get a fire going out of control. And kids WILL play with fire. My pizza oven CAN be used with the mesh door open, but every opening has a mesh flame arrestor on it. And the other incentive to get the fire burning RIGHT - home-made pizza, with toppings they chose for themselves. if they build the fire up too much, the pizza burns. it has to be just right. In this way, they get to feed their obsession but they also learn control. It has worked for us. I don't know how effective this is with BiPolar (BP), so talk to the therapists first. However, it did put a stop to cans of lighter fluid hidden around the house! Marg [/QUOTE]
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