New here! Glad i found this forum...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sunshinecan, Mar 16, 2011.

  1. sunshinecan

    sunshinecan New Member

    I have been on other forums for other reasons, but for whatever reason had thought to seek out forum for these reasons... Here's a little about myself... Or my boys!

    Oldest is 13, diagnosis Jan 2008 with ADHD/ODD. We started on Concerta, and used Melatonin to sleep... Fall 2010 added Stratera with good results. The Concerta wore off after 12 hours which made evening and morning unbearable. The Stratera took the 'edge' off of evenings and mornings. ODD became very evident this past fall as well, and sleep was an issue. Tried Triazadone, S didn't like it. No sleep= HELL... Jan 2011 Stopped the Concereta, and now use Vyvanse. It's been great, helps with is impulse control, also changed from Triazadone to Clonidine. So far so good. He's sleeping, and is pleasant. For now that is my WOW!

    Middle son is 6, diagnosis Jan 2009 with ADD, Nov 2010 Sensory Integration Disorder (SID). Was assessed for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) in Nov 2010 no diagnosis, but possible anxiety disorder. He is on Byphentin, we started with 20mgs, then in Fall 2010 went to 30 mgs and this week went to 40 mgs. He is a high stress little man. Very obsesive, almost some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) type symptoms. He's loving and filled with compassion but can flip on a dime.

    Youngest is 5. He is diagnosis free :).. But full of **** and vinegar. He's funny and charming, but mix that with middle son who has no sense of humour and it makes for interesting family dynamics...

    I look forward to reading more on here, already I have found stories that are so similar to find... Oh so nice to know we are not alone.
     
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    sscan,

    welcome to the board! I know that when I first found this site, the relief I felt knowing I wasn't alone was immense! I didn't know anyone who had a child with the same issues as mine......

    Glad to have you here and look forward to "getting to know" you.

    Sharon
     
  3. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Hello and Welcome!

    Sounds like you really have your hands full....

    Glad to have you here!
     
  4. sunshinecan

    sunshinecan New Member

    Thanks for the replies... yes I do have my hands full, but I don't think I know any different, if I did I don't think I could do what I do ;)... I'm very lucky I have a cousin who's kids are very similar to mine, so she has been a huge support.

    I had a question, I'm not sure if this is where I should post it so let me know...

    difficult child (Gift from God) refers to our children who have issues or conditions
    easy child (Perfect Child) refers to our typical children

    This feels offensive or negative to me, I concider each of my boys to be a difficult child, and oddly enough my typical child is really a difficult child. He's why I know that his brothers issues are not result of my parenting. I often think that doing this on my own, without the support of spouse, if all 3 of my boys had diagnosis I would really begin to question my part in that (makes sense??)... I also concider each of my children to easy child, they are perfect in their own right. I realize that the kids don't read on here, but I would never want one to think that he was a more of difficult child or easy child then the others.

    Anyone elses thought on this would be much appreciated.
     
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    sscan,

    As a moderator, I feel I should respond to your question. More importantly, as a member I feel I understand where your question is coming from.

    This board was started back in the 90's by the mom of a "difficult" child. It grew quickly as other parents of "difficult" children came out of the woodwork. As a member who found this board back in the early 2000's - and it was a true beacon of light in a dark world - I have never really questioned the "label" difficult child or easy child. It was a way to distinguish my son from my daughter without using their names and it was much quicker to type!

    On a personal level, I consider both my children to be the biggest blessings in my life and true gifts from God. I would imagine that a vast majority of the members here would agree.

    I was not privy (because I was not around) to the acronym decision. I can tell you though that it was a decision based with love and perhaps a little "tongue in cheek". We know there are no perfect children and in the midst of a rage, or a battle with the school, or a night in the er or the phos, or a call to 911, or the middle of giving your teen a drug test, or talking to their parole officer, or visiting them in jail, or fighting the nightly homework battle, etc., you certainly don't look at your difficult child as a gift! We always love, but don't always like.

    But I think the biggest issue is the label you feel is associated with those acronyms. You know, those of us that have been around awhile, either here on the board or in the world of difficult children, don't pay much attention to labels. If our children are diagnosis'd with add, or BiPolar (BP), or ptsd, or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).......the name doesn't matter - what matters is the effectiveness of the treatment. We routinely tell posters here who are dismayed at the diagnosis their child has just been given - don't get caught up in the diagnosis, move forward and look at this as the opportunity to begin to treat now that you know. We often tell parents who are going through the IEP process, don't worry about the category or label they are placing on your child if it gets them the services they need to find some success in school.

    I would hope that you don't find them so offensive as to become discouraged. Know that, on the whole, most of us who raise difficult child kids have rhino skins! It takes a lot to "ruffle our feathers" - you seem like a very concerned and loving mom. I hope you choose to "go with flow" and become a long time member of our site.

    And, I welcome the perspective of other long and short term members. It's a little early and my brain may not be functioning at full capacity yet!!!!!!

    Respectfully,
    Sharon
     
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I'll chime in with my two cents here. in real life, I am one of those people who chokes when I constantly hear the last "g" of difficult child. Triggers my "get away from me" reflex. That said, I am also one of those people who has been on my share of online forums/boards for all different kinds of reasons across a multitude of subjects, and every board that stays around for long enough develops its own language and shortcuts. So I don't think of what "difficult child" or "easy child" means in terms of words, I think of the ideals behind them (other than when I'm in word mode and think "politically correct" for "easy child"). It's just "board language" to me to separate the more difficult kids from the more typical ones, meant to remind us that even when they're difficult, they're still a gift.
     
  7. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    On the "easy child" acronym, I don't find it offensive exactly but I do think it is rather unreal. Raising a child is difficult, period, and among my friends and family who have "normal" children, there isn't one who doesn't find this or that about their child's behaviour hard or aspects of being a parent challenging. None of them would accept the label of "perfect child" for their offspring, I think!

    I suspect it's rather like money - however much you have fills the space of "desires and needs". In other words, if you have more, you don't see it like that, you don't appreciate it in relation to what other people have. I think it is quite false to make some hard boundary between "normal" kids over here and "difficult" kids over there... you rise to the occasion and deal with what you have and we all have varying degrees of knowledge and skills as parents.

    Having said that, I appreciate that some kids are just so challenging that all such relativising seems irrelevant. But in that case you still have to deal with what you've got.
     
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Welcome! Well, I have to admit, I started out 2 years ago with a difficult child and a easy child. Shortly, I had two difficult children. Well, ya know, sometimes it's typical teen, sometimes it's child-from-Hades, sometimes I wonder how I could ever be upset with them (when they're being little angels).

    So I came up with "nicknames". I've been here long enough for many to know that Onyxx is a wonderful kid trapped inside a juvenile delinquent who has been abused - and Jett is in many ways her polar opposite, though he has his own set of issues from the same environment.

    But the nicknames fit, they're different enough to make it easy on me and differentiate from all the other difficult children and PCs, and their in real life names are pretty different too. (In fact, I have the most "normal" name in real life of my entire family... And it's not normal.)

    I wouldn't be too worried about labels, either. It's been my experience that not only do the labels change, so do the children...
     
  9. SlipperySlope

    SlipperySlope New Member

    As another newbie, it took me lots of searching to find out what difficult child meant.
    When I figured it out, I laughed and thought to myself..."Somedays I want to return this gift to sender! It's a shame I didn't get a gift receipt!"
    I agree with it being very tongue-in-cheek. One of those, if-I-don't-laugh-I'll-cry kind of things*.



    *Of course I can only speak for myself. This is just my interpretation of the term, and have no idea where the term originated or what the original poster meant when it was coined.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2011
  10. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Welcome!

    I'm glad that you found us too!
     
  11. liz

    liz Guest

    Welcome sunshinecan!

    Yes, this is meant to be very tongue in cheek in my opinion and for me, I TOTALLY get it. It is the best way to speak of my son without the negative feelings that can arise when remembering some of the things he has done.
     
  12. sunshinecan

    sunshinecan New Member

    Thanks to everyone for their replies...

    I'm very tongue in cheek, my daycare recently asked me if one of there student teachers could 'follow' my youngest son, and do her report on him, she went on to say that they where looking for a typical child... My response... "you just called one of kids typical, I will refrain from kissing you, but yes she can do anything she wants with my son, if for no other reason then she picked him to be typical"... The teachers response... She chuckled and said yah, we thought you'd like that.

    I get the humor side of it, and certainly don't offend easy, in fact I'm sure I've offended or at the very least shocked people with my humor and perspective on my life...

    I too have been on other forums, and those acronyms are tongue in cheek for sure... My favorite is the 'nick name' I gave my X after he walked out when I had PPD and my youngest was 8 months old... The Great One... I still today refer to him as TGO to friends, as this protects my kids from knowing who I'm talking about... teehee.. My friends will sometimes even call him TGO...

    I don't concern myself with labels, I embrace my boys being labeled, because only then can we really begin to understand what is going on, and how we can help them to be the best that they can be. The labels are were the research comes in, and also where the funding and extra services come in. Each of my boys labels doesn't change who they are, only helps me to better understand why they are who they are.

    Having said all that, I do have to be h onest in that I read on here for a while before joining, because of the two acrynyms... My concern is more for those who may take offense and not take the forum seriously for all it does have to offer.

    On a side note, I'm not very easy child (in the politically correct way) but I do see myself as a difficult child, 'cause if I wasn't I'd be in a rubber room somewhere :)... lol...

    Thanks again to everyone who took the time to respond...
     
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    While there may be some who are upset or insulted by the language that we use, I think that most parents who need us can see how truly loving and caring we are, and also how supportive this forum is if they read a few threads. I truly believe that those who get so upset by the language that we use, whatever it may be, are just not ready and would find something to turn them away until the time when they are ready.

    That is my belief. Whether I am right or not, well, none of us will ever really know. But I am super glad to meet you and to have you join us.. I know what you mean about your 'typical' child being a gift from God - I have often remarked that my daughter is my reward for not strangling or abusing my difficult child. This is partly tongue in cheek, but only partly. She has the gentlest, most loving, warm hearted personality and truly amazes me with her capacity to turn the other cheek. She stands up for herself when needed, usually very well and in a way that makes everyone involved happy to do things her way or change things the way she demands. So I can see why the labels difficult child and easy child could seem strange, but mostly they just hlep us know which child you are speaking about.

    It sounds like you have gotten quite a bit of help for your sons so far. have they had complete neuropsychologist evaluations? Does your son with Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) get brushing therapy at home, at school, or both? Does he get sensory breaks throughout his day? Treating Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) can make HUGE differences in what a child feels, does and even thinks - right down to how he thinks and feels about himself. Brushing therapy actually rewires the brain to handle sensory input in a more typical way - and does it without medication or anything invasive. The degree of help it can give is truly shocking. My youngest couldn't even attend school every day for years. He would get so overstimulated that he would just sit and sort of vibrate and everything made him cry or else he would start reacting to all kinds of foods. When he wasn't overstimulated he didn't react nearly as strongly to many foods (which our allergist thought was impossible until he saw it happen - then he thought it was the coolest thing he ever saw. Go figure.) He couldn't even sit through a church service. We had to sit in a certain area under the choir loft and he had to be able to leave about halfway through. Then a few months after we started brushing he started sitting through more and mroe of the service and not needing all day to unwind from it. He went from missing more than 1/2 of the year in kdg (still had straight A's and no truancy issues bc he had a 504 plan that allowed the absences - and a great school too) to missing 1 day a week in third grade to missing no days in the first half of fifth grade and only a few this second half due to a nasty virus and a big snowstorm. It just makes an enormous difference, even though the therapy may not seem to do much or it may seem silly that it could change how he handles things or how his brain works.

    I don't know if you have any sensory issues. I do. Not as many as my youngest child, more than my other children. foods, fabrics, textures, smells, tastes, types of movevent, these and many others can evoke a resonse so strong that I literally cannot control it. I abhor perfume and think it should be illegal the way smoking it. Mostly because it gives me a vicious headache with jsut a small whiff. For many years my oldest was just fine with pizza but let him get a speck of tomato in his mouth from ANY other dish and he would gag or vomit. My husband was furious over this, said he was faking, blah blah blah. Then I served something my husband just gags over when he eats it and I told him that he was just spoiled and faking etc.... It was the last time he used that argument. husband just didn't have a clue about sensory issues because his are so minor.

    If there is something that is soothing for one of the kids, try to make sure you have it easily accessible during stressful things. My daughter has always loved that silky edge of the blankets she had as a little girl. We even sewed a length of it onto the car seat because she hated to ride in the car for a few months as a baby. It soothed and calmed her dramatically. If the kids have troubles in school have the school set up things that are soothing in a sensory manner for them. Others can explain that better.

    If you haven't gotten a copy of "the Out of Sync Child Has Fun", I highly recommend it. It is packed iwth sensory activities to provide whatever input is needed in a fun way. The whole family will love it.

    Welcome to our group!
     
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