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New Here & Have Questions About Grandson's Nightmares
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 376314" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>If he behaves for you but not when the others are present, I don't think it's attachment. More likely he's not coping when more than one other adult is there to have to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Certainly check out Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) stuff is also a problem with nightmares, because sensory input also happens in sleep. Also his day will be really loading up his subconscious with so much to deal with, and nightmares are partly the brain processing all the information from the day. Whether they're nightmares or not, is not necessarily because his experiences were bad. Just a lot of it, very emotionally exhausting, a lot of hard work for him.</p><p></p><p>I used to have really bad nightmares as a kid. I developed my own coping strategies. My mother would allow me to come visit her in her bed, but often I was too paralysed to move or even call out. Then if I went to my mother, I had to find my way there in the dark and only stay briefly before having to find my way back again; I found that even more upsetting sometimes. What I know would have helped me a lot, and reduced the strain on my family, was being allowed to have either a nightlight, or a bedside lamp that I could switch on if I needed to. A low wattage bulb in the lamp would still have a bright enough light to dispel nightmares - he just has to wake enough to switch it on.</p><p></p><p>Other things that helped me - I learned that the sensory input from the environment that can be the last little brick in what makes a dream go down a particular path, can be so easily changed simply by changing body position. So when I had nightmares as a kid, I learned to roll over onto my other side. WHatever dream I had next, was different.</p><p>So when my kids had nightmares, I let them come in to me if they felt they needed to. They could climb in beside me for a little while, usually until I felt them relax. I asked them about their nightmare, to tell me about it in as much detail as I could recall. I might even try to explain its meaning to them if I could. Then when they were quieter and seeming calmer, I would say, "Are you ready to go back to your own bed now?"</p><p></p><p>If they said they weren't ready but I thought they were, I would walk them back to their beds. A night light can be left on. A low wattage bedside light can also be left on all night if the child needs it to get through this stage; trust me, it won't last life-long. </p><p></p><p>Then the final 'magic' trick - tell your child that when he goes back to bed, roll over and lie on the other side. Anything left of that nightmare will trickle out of the ear that previously was facing up; now it's facing down into the pillow. So the previous bad dream will trickle out of the ear and away form the brain. Any dreams now will be different ones. SAnd if one of those is bad; just roll over again and the same thing happens.</p><p>It's the easiest and most effective explanation for a young child. The truth is that the change in position changes the input which changes the dream. But the story is a lot more effective for a young child.</p><p></p><p>After some time (and practice) you will find the child able to short-circuit nightmares by himself, using a number of techniques you have taught him plus ones he works out for himself. Empowering a kid to take back control, is the best thing you can do.</p><p></p><p>Nightmares and night terrors can be crippling and really interfere with life. I had them into my teens and beyond. Nobody really seemed to understand, until husband. As I got older, the nightmares actually became more sophisticated and psychologically nastier. It is possible to be too afraid to go to sleep. Working out how to understand and interpret my own dreams, helped me a great deal in my life.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 376314, member: 1991"] If he behaves for you but not when the others are present, I don't think it's attachment. More likely he's not coping when more than one other adult is there to have to deal with. Certainly check out Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). The Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) stuff is also a problem with nightmares, because sensory input also happens in sleep. Also his day will be really loading up his subconscious with so much to deal with, and nightmares are partly the brain processing all the information from the day. Whether they're nightmares or not, is not necessarily because his experiences were bad. Just a lot of it, very emotionally exhausting, a lot of hard work for him. I used to have really bad nightmares as a kid. I developed my own coping strategies. My mother would allow me to come visit her in her bed, but often I was too paralysed to move or even call out. Then if I went to my mother, I had to find my way there in the dark and only stay briefly before having to find my way back again; I found that even more upsetting sometimes. What I know would have helped me a lot, and reduced the strain on my family, was being allowed to have either a nightlight, or a bedside lamp that I could switch on if I needed to. A low wattage bulb in the lamp would still have a bright enough light to dispel nightmares - he just has to wake enough to switch it on. Other things that helped me - I learned that the sensory input from the environment that can be the last little brick in what makes a dream go down a particular path, can be so easily changed simply by changing body position. So when I had nightmares as a kid, I learned to roll over onto my other side. WHatever dream I had next, was different. So when my kids had nightmares, I let them come in to me if they felt they needed to. They could climb in beside me for a little while, usually until I felt them relax. I asked them about their nightmare, to tell me about it in as much detail as I could recall. I might even try to explain its meaning to them if I could. Then when they were quieter and seeming calmer, I would say, "Are you ready to go back to your own bed now?" If they said they weren't ready but I thought they were, I would walk them back to their beds. A night light can be left on. A low wattage bedside light can also be left on all night if the child needs it to get through this stage; trust me, it won't last life-long. Then the final 'magic' trick - tell your child that when he goes back to bed, roll over and lie on the other side. Anything left of that nightmare will trickle out of the ear that previously was facing up; now it's facing down into the pillow. So the previous bad dream will trickle out of the ear and away form the brain. Any dreams now will be different ones. SAnd if one of those is bad; just roll over again and the same thing happens. It's the easiest and most effective explanation for a young child. The truth is that the change in position changes the input which changes the dream. But the story is a lot more effective for a young child. After some time (and practice) you will find the child able to short-circuit nightmares by himself, using a number of techniques you have taught him plus ones he works out for himself. Empowering a kid to take back control, is the best thing you can do. Nightmares and night terrors can be crippling and really interfere with life. I had them into my teens and beyond. Nobody really seemed to understand, until husband. As I got older, the nightmares actually became more sophisticated and psychologically nastier. It is possible to be too afraid to go to sleep. Working out how to understand and interpret my own dreams, helped me a great deal in my life. Marg [/QUOTE]
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