'New Here - Help with-Daughter

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by grammy105, Apr 4, 2007.

  1. grammy105

    grammy105 New Member

    Hi All,
    I don't even know if I'm in the right spot, but I'll tell you my story anyway and you can let me know. I posted on another place here.

  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI and welcome :smile: Lots of parents will stop by, and give their two cents. Has your daughter ever been evaluated when younger? Without an evaulation there is no way to know what factors may be causing your daughter to be less successful than your other children. My guess is it's not on purpose nor did you do anything wrong--she is likely just different. Due to her age though, you can't force her to seek any treatment or help. I don't understand why you're giving her money. If she were my kid, she wouldn't get a dime, and I'd ask for custody of the kids. No way any of my grown kids could order me to babysit or tell me what to do. I'm the parent, not them. in my opinion it is hurting her to keep giving her money and giving into her unreasonable demands. I would also refrain from telling her to clean up, do laundry, etc. If she wants a messy house and no clothes, etc. that's her business--she's an adult--I sense you may have trouble treating her like one. She needs to get help for herself and I don't know if she will if you keep holding her up so she won't crash. I had a daughter I had to force out of the house and not give money to and she got her act together. FAST. Anyways this is JMO :smile: Again, others will drop by.
  3. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Hi grammy. As MidwestMom mentioned, unless your daughter goes for an evaluation it's pretty hard for anyone to say what's going on with her, and it's nothing that's your fault. I do think she needs and evaluation and some therapy to help her get her life together. I'm another proponent for tough love when kids are past 18 and needing to grow up. As long as you give her money and treat her as a kid by reminding her to do laundry etc. she will always remain a kid. It's time you let her know you've done your job parenting and supplying her, now it's her turn to be an adult and parent and do for her kids. You don't owe her anything more, you've done your job getting her to an adult age. The only way she'll act maturely and responsibly now is if you give it over completely to her. I think it's time you sit down with your daughter and tell her she needs to get it together and give her a timeline when your funds etc. to her are terminated, and stick to it.

    I'm afraid in our family it's kinda a tradition - at 16 you get a part time job. As long as you're in school you can have free rent and food up to your 4 year degree. After that it's get a job, an apartment and see ya for visits or on Sunday's if you want to come over for supper. I've already told my son this, and we've discussed jobs close (we live within a mile of an area with lots of fast food places, gas stations, restaurants etc.) that he can get when he's 16, so he knows what's what already.

    Again welcome, hope you can get the advice you need here.
    :coffee: :flower:
  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    I agree with the others. I lived with my mom when I was 25 (I am 30 now) and I never demanded she watch my 2 children. I bought food, paid some utility bills, and cleaned up. She would watch the kids occasionally for me, but not all the time. In order for your dtr to grow up, you will have to stand up for yourself. Do not allow her to take advantage of you. This will not be easy. Everyone else pays for childcare, she may have to also.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Your dtr has some red flags for disorders but if she doesnt go herself to find out there is nothing you can do. Maybe one day she will. I will recommend my favorite book for parents of adults. Stop Walking on Eggshells. It may help you.

    Now I agree with the others on starting to detach. Its harder where there are kids involved. You can always let them know that they can come see you guys anytime they want. You can provide for them at your house without providing for her at her house.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board. :biggrin:

    Psssst...... Is it just that it's been a verrrrrry long day for me, or is there no content other than the opening sentence to this post?? :faint:

  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just popping in to add my welcome.