New here - hi :)

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Merfille, Jul 20, 2007.

  1. Merfille

    Merfille New Member

    Hello - I am very happy to have found this board. We have one child, a wonderful little girl who is 6. She has always been (since birth) very spunky, high energy and high needs. These traits are sometimes great - she does all kinds of things and adventures with us. Sometimes, not so great - challenging, can be hard to take some places. No matter what, we love her sooooo much...she is our only child and will be our only child and we just adore her. It's very hard to see her having a difficult time of it.

    We finally got to a point this summer when we can no longer put it off on just being a spirited child. Her behaviors are affecting every area of her and our lives. I am so tired most of the time, feeling drained, frustrated...feels like we have been very open to trying all kinds of things but nothing works. The only thing that has been helpful is the Nurtured Heart Approach - not entirely, but better than most things. It at least gives us some peace of mind when going through rough times.

    Anyway, we are at a poing where we just knew we had to get some help. We have been the pediatrician route and are about to have our first psychiatrist visit next week. We have history of BiPolar (BP) in our family. Our pediatrician gave us Vivanse but we would prefer to hold off until we see the psychiatrist and hopefully get a full evaluation (which is what we, and the pediatrician, want) in case there is more here than ADHD. I'm confused still about the medications...read and hear that if there is BiPolar (BP), that the medications can cause more problems than if it is only ADHD. At the same time, the pediatrician says just stop the medications if at any time there is something worse going on.

    We want to help our daughter any way we can. It is so heartbreaking to see her get "in trouble" for things like sitting right up against another child in a class (even if the child doesn't mind, the teacher does), or wanting to lay down or move around when the rules are to be still, talking all the time even if it means interrupting and disrupting others, etc....the list goes on. I just don't want her to feel "different" in a bad way and that is something she is saying lately, that she wants to be normal like other kids. Of course, I talk with her and give her ways to try to understand that she IS normal, that we all have things we need some help with or that we need to work at a little more than others. No one is great at every thing.

    Ok, I'm rambling....so many thoughts, so many things, way too many to put in one post, but I wanted to say hi and introduce myself. I did start a log before we went to the pediatrician and that was helpful. It was recommended that I continue that until we see the psychiatrist.

    I found a post or two about Vivanse. I wish someone had some experience with it since that is what we have. Has anyone here experienced a problem with this type of medication, if their child had ADHD and BiPolar (BP)?

    Thank you and I look forward to sharing support!
     
  2. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Hi and welcome to this wonderful place! I don't have much advice at this moment, my rugrats are being PITA's at the moment and I need to get off this puter.

    But wanted you to know I totally understand what you mean about wanting to help your child and being in a quandry of how to go about it.

    I am sure others will be of more help to you.

    Hugs of welcome!!
    Vickie
     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome to the board!

    I too have a 6 year old girl, and share many of the same concerns. I know exactly what you are going through and experiencing. I use every shred of energy I have on my daughter, and am exhausted as well.

    Let me tell you, this board has been a Godsend.

    I agree with your decision to seek out a psychiatrist. Many disorders are genetic. One other piece of advice I would give is to get your hand on the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Take what works for you out of the book and leave the rest. It is a great resource, and a tool for understanding how these children think.

    there are other "Warrior" moms who will be along with their wisdom as well. Don't be shy, keep us posted on the progress, and welcome again to the board! It is a wonderful place.
     
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found us.

    I would hold off on the medications, too.

    See what the psychiatrist has to say first. Especially with BiPolar (BP) in the family.
     
  5. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    Adding my hi. :smile:

    If you're not totally sure, and since you have a psychiatrist appointment next week, I would probably hold off on the medications until then as well. I hope the psychiatrist appointment goes well and you get some answers you need.

    There is one thing I told my difficult child - that there really is no such thing as a "normal" person. Everyone is different in some way, some people are just better at hiding their quirks and fitting in. Being different isn't bad, it's just the way you are. Of course it takes a while until they believe it, but eventually they see it for themselves in the other kids. (I would sometimes point out things other kids did that weren't always "normal" just to prove the point.)

    As mentioned, The Explosive Child can be a good book to read to get some insight on our kids. I used some parts of it, not following exactly, and it helped us on quite a few things. Also, you might want to visit the FAQ/Board Help forum. There are other suggestions for reading there, and a thread on how to do a Parent Report. You might want to look at starting one of these, it's great to have things written down before appointments so you don't forget things.

    Welcome to this wonderful site. :flower: Hope you can get the support and help you're looking for.
     
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    You'll find many on here have kids with both ADHD and BiPolar (BP). I believe mine may have both, but official diagnosis is waiting for a neuropsychologist visit.

    I hope it helps to know there are others out there going through what you are going through. This board is a great support!

    Welcome and let us know how things are going. I hope the pysch visit helps get you on the right road.
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hello and welcome! I agree with the others about holding off on the medications until you see a psychiatrist and get a full evaluation.

    Originally we thought my son had only ADHD-turns out he had both and doesn't do well with ADHD medications but each child is so different.

    Glad you found us!
     
  8. Merfille

    Merfille New Member

    Thanks, everyone, for the welcome and the advice. We will wait until Thursday to see about the Vyvanse. It's already filled, so we have it come Friday. Unless otherwise indicated by the psychiatrist on Thursday, we'll start it then, I suppose.

    Have briefly heard of that recommended book and will get it as soon as I can (hopefully it will be in stock and I won't have to order it). There were so many books when we went to the bookstore, we didn't know where to start. It was like being a first time parent and you have no idea which book to try! LOL

    Ok, going tired and going to bed - I made sure we sat as a family tonight and played board games, etc. We just the last couple of days set up our not often used living room to have a small tv with the v-smile, and a cd player with meditation (we love Indigo Dreams!!!!) and classical cds for our daughter. Also have some games in a chest in there...trying to make another "new" area where we, but especially her, can go to get away and relax and not be distracted by phones, computers or whatever. Seems to be going good - and she loves being able to play those cds anytime. I told her she could go there whenever she wanted to chill, if she felt stressed (or even if she didn't feel stressed, of course). Alright, goodnight and thanks, again!
     
  9. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    If you want a full evaluation check with your local Children's hospital. My daughter was evaluated there by every kind of professional known to man. It was the best thing I ever did. They also had parenting classes which at first I thought were over the top but after taking them it really changed the way that I deal with my difficult child.

    You might want to check with a neurologist if you really think it is ADHD. In my opinion, I like them more than psychiatrists.

    Does she have problems in school? Behavior? or just hyperactive?

    Welcome!

    Stephanie
     
  10. TexasTornado

    TexasTornado New Member

    Welcome -Welcome!!!!
    You will find such wonderful advice from all the ladies on here :)Its been a refuge for me.
    Luvz,
    Kathy
     
  11. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    Oh how we all share in your experience. That is how we all ended up here.
    When difficult child was younger I tried to make him be like the other kids, to make him join in group play, it took me a long time to understand it is OK for him to not want to do what the others are doing, it is OK for him to not be like everyone else. He is who he is and that is a wonderful, loving kid. It breaks my heart to see him struggle.

    Welcome aboard. Many wise, experienced people here. So much advice.
     
  12. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    About telling a child about being different - we were advised, when difficult child 1 was diagnosed ADHD at 6, to tell him. Because difficult child 1 knew something was wrong, teachers would yell at him and he was always in trouble, he couldn't stay on task like his classmates, he was beginning to believe that he was just made to be naughty, nothing he could do would ever be right. When we told him he had ADHD, he was relieved - "So I'm not just naughty, then?" he asked us.

    And, of course, we know now it was much more. But with the autism/Asperger's, we tell the boys that they ARE different, their brains are programmed to learn in a different way and it's their job to help us find how to use that different way to help them learn.

    It's not their fault, it's nobody's fault, but we have to find ways to manage it. Life isn't fair sometimes, so we have to get on and live it, whatever goes on.

    We've also told them that there are advantages to their disabilities. The ability to concentrate for much longer on something they are deeply interested in; the ability to problem solve at a large level; the ability to shut out distractions in order to concentrate (something they need to learn, it's part of adapting to ADHD). These are abilities which give them an advantage.
    Other bonuses - they are loyal, honest, law-abiding, sensitive, caring and very, very smart. They need to learn patience and tolerance but it comes with time and practice.

    But they have always known they are different. This way they know they're not automatically bad, as they had been believing.

    Marg
     
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome aboard. I think it is wise to wait for the specialist.
    Is he a child or adolescent specialist?? It helps. I have forty years experience with ADHD and try to keep abreast of the
    latest info. I still have not read anything about the new Rx
    that your Pediatrician gave you. Did he say why he thought the
    new medicine was the best one to try?? Sometimes, I believe,
    pharmaceutical reps push new medications (and even give discount coupons
    to push their products) and the busy MDs decide to try it.

    Many parents hesitate to medicate...actually, almost all of us!
    LOL! It is my opinion that dealing too long with the criticism
    of teachers and peers really can have a devestating effect. As
    someone said earlier, they then identify themselves as "naughty"
    or "bad" or "stupid". Peers are often more judgemental than the
    staff. I believe your choice to seek help is the most loving and
    intelligent choice. I'll look forward to hearing how it went.
    DDD
     
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