New here... I need some HELP. :(

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by coolamanda, May 15, 2007.

  1. coolamanda

    coolamanda New Member

    So, my name is Amanda. I'm a mom of four, and all that goes along with that territory. I work hard, I'm laid back, my house is ear splitting loud, and I am worn out to the bone.

    I've got four kids, all of whom I love dearly. I have Elizabeth who is 8, Caleb who is 5, Emily who is 4, and Luke who is 2 and also happens to have Down Syndrome. I'm an eclectic type of Mom and have always done the best I could. My three youngest children are all great, and then there is Elizabeth. :smile:

    Elizabeth is soon to be finished with the second grade, and has had isues since she was about four. I have a severe case of insane inlaws, and of course, they have spoiled her beyond the scope of "doting grandparents."
    For awhile, I assumed this was Elizabeth's problem. She seemed very selfish, never satisfied, and had a very short fuse. While she was extremely vocal at home, I'd never seen a kid so shy out in public. This behavior has progressed into Kindergarten.

    Fast Forward a few years, and now I have a kid who growls, screams, kicks, yells, lies, cries, and is basically wearing me down to the point of no return.
    She is a bully at school, doesn't do her homework, and only has a few friends. She doesn't listen, laughs when her siblings are hurt or in trouble, and is completely uncontrollable.

    I have gone from priding myself in being so laid back, so cool, so chill LOL...And now...I am darn near insane from the trouble it has caused in our family. I have...NO IDEA what else to do, which is why I'm here. I'll try anything. :smile:

    Looking forward to hearing from you all.
  2. Crazy-Steph

    Crazy-Steph New Member

    Hi! Welcome aboard! Let us know what exactly is going on, and we will try to help out.
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I'm afraid my response will be short as I am pooped
    tonight but I wanted to let you know that I'm glad you found us.
    Has your difficult child (gift from God) Elizabeth ever been evaluated by
    any professionals? What is the school sharing with you? Are
    there family diagnosis's that resemble her issues?

    LOL! There you go. I'm headed to bed and you get to take
    my exam!!! Is that cool, Amanda, or what?? LOL! DDD
  4. KarlaQ

    KarlaQ New Member

    Hi Amanda, I am also new to the board, but will welcome you anyway!
    It sounds like you are doing wonderfully with your Very full house (I have four too). Have you asked your difficult child's doctor about all this? If not they should be able to refere you to a specialist who can do testing to rule out anything that might require medications. I can understand if you are hesitant to put your young child on medication (I believe in using the least amount of medications possable) but if needed they can make a huge diffrence! Hopefully you will come across some helpfull and understanding doctors who will be able to help you through the process.

    Hang in there! Whenever times are tough just remember the last time you were cuddling and getting along, take a deep breath and you will make it through!!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome to the board.

    If your oldest hasn't been evaluated by professionals, that would be my first recommendation. That should give you a starting point.

    How is the school dealing with her behavior? Are they recommending anything or is this just seen at home?

    I'm glad you found us. Hang in there.

  6. coolamanda

    coolamanda New Member

    Thank's for the welcome.

    Yes, Elizabeth has been diagnosed with ODD. I love that it spells "odd." -insert eye roll-

    The school is...ok. I'm up there with flags waving usually. I get an email from the teacher almost everyday..."Elizabeth did this, Elizabeth did that..."
    It gets very old.

    They send het to the "resource room" which is basically a room with a different teacher so she can chill. If she misses recess (almost always) she also goes there. She goes there when she doesn't complete her work as well.

    It's really strange because I started noticing she was "different" around the age of four. She was so quiet and timid, wouldn't make eye contact, you know.
    By first grade she progressed, and was diagnosed with "selective mutism"

    Now...She is loud, uncontrollable, bullying...And I don't recognize her anymore. It's just sad, you know? I want it to stop. I want her to show compassion, which she doesn't, and it creeps me out.

    No...We haven't done medications yet. We are still newly diagnosed, but I would like to avoid them if possible. Dunno. They scare me...BUT...I am at my wits end, so I'd certainly try them.

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I dreaded medicating my kids too. medications scared me, and I thought well gee if I start it now what will the option be later??

    Level of functioning decided for me. When N bottomed out I had no choice. And it was what she needed. I'm also lucky because I have a psychiatrist who is careful with medications. N started at very low dosing and 2 yrs later is just now approaching so called "theraputic doses". This was possible because once the right combo was found it did the trick in low doses. No need to up them til it was necessary.

    You can discuss all of the pros and cons of medicating with difficult child's psychiatrist or even with the parents here long before you actually make the decision. Which is why this sight can be so helpful.

    Does she have an IEP at school? If not it would be a good idea to get one put into place as soon as possible.

  8. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Wow - you sound like me 10 years ago. The beginning can be very frustrating an confusing. My daughter started having problems in pre-k, and of course they said "She'll be fine, she'll grow out of it". Okay, well i'm still waiting for that to happen and she is now 16!!!! After basically flunking the first grade I really started nudging the school administration and teachers to have her evaluated. They gave me every song and dance they could until finally I threatened them, I told them I would tell my story to whoever would listen, newspapers, local news channels and lawyers. Needless to say they suddenly found enough money in their bank accounts and I got the evaluation. I don't know if you've had trouble with your school system or not, just thought I'd share how I got the ball rolling. Hang in. Good luck.
  9. ALogan3

    ALogan3 New Member

    <span style="color: #3333FF"> </span> WELCOME!!!

    Welcome to the board!!

    I suggest you go the folloing site and read, read, read. See if anything fits. If it does print it out and take it to you doctor for direction:

    You are not crazy.
    You are an awesome MOm or you would not be here!!

    Again, welcome!!
    Andrea <span style="color: #3333FF"> </span>
  10. coolamanda

    coolamanda New Member

    Thanks y'all :smile:

    Yeah, we've had an IEP since last year. The school district is ok...Not a lot of complaints. It's a very small country school, and I am up there all the time. I try to stay involved.

    I don't think the IEP has helped. It's just a struggle all the way around. Home, school, the car. It's a battle from the get go.

    Not to mention, the thoughts that go through my mind...Is it my fault? I should have been choosier with what I say to Elizabeth! I shouldn't have let husband parents be so active in her life! You know, I'm certainly not perfect, neither was my own mom, and it was a chain I desperately wanted to break. I'm a believer in parents screwing their kids up as much as they do theirselves, so....It makes my mind wonder in places that aren't the happiest. -sigh-

    It's sad with the school thing because I have defended her when she didn't need it. On the other hand, I often wonder if the finger gets pointed at Elizabeth too often. She is kinda' guilty at that place without a fair trial sometimes.

    You guys are great.