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New here, I need to vent about my son
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<blockquote data-quote="introibo" data-source="post: 301783" data-attributes="member: 7941"><p>Hi all,</p><p>I am so happy to have found this forum!</p><p> </p><p>I have nine kids, the first four were girls and the fifth is a boy. From the earliest age, he seemed a bit more tough and kind of defiant, but I always attributed this to his being a boy.</p><p> </p><p>Fast forward a few more years. I homeschool, and although he was pretty good with doing his school and interacting with his siblings when he was in grades K-3 or so, he has always been harder to deal with than the others. Again, I attributed this to his being a boy. </p><p> </p><p>As of last year, and now as we've started this year (he is in 5th grade, age 10), I'm getting to the point where I can't deal with him. He disobeys, goes totally bonkers when asked to do schoolwork (throwing books, breaking pencils), mercilessly teases his younger sister, fights with his next oldest sister, throws terrible tantrums when he messes up with Playstation, - basically the symptoms I've read associated with ODD. I know you folks don't care for that diagnosis, but I'll leave it at that for now.</p><p> </p><p>He also breaks his toys. Good toys. Some things that he has bought with his own money. He has broken one PS2 controller and is on his way to breaking another. He has Lord of the Rings action figures which he really likes which he'll suddenly just go into a fit over and start breaking. (this, when he has been sent to room, or if he has been told he loses Playstation, or something like that.) It's at the point where I'm removing all the nicer toys that he might break and keeping them in hiding.</p><p> </p><p>I've started a point/reward system based on the Kazdin method (the fellow from Yale, I can't recall the name of his book) and my son was pretty much OK with it. The first day of school he totally bombed out on it. The week got slightly better, but today (Monday) he went out to totally bombing. I was in tears, as he purposefully did something he wasn't supposed to, "just so (he) won't get points." He seems to have no remorse, and he constantly says he doesn't understand what it means to be good - not sure if he is fibbing here to push my buttons or if he really thinks he can't be good. He says he just can't be good and never will be. He asks for a certain toy back, and when I tell him "no" he just asks again. And again.</p><p> </p><p>He is slighly more respectful to my husband, but that is maybe only because he knows husband will be more likely to give hiim a smack for disobedience. I'm at the point where I'm not going to continue the homeschooling with him next year if this behavior doesn't change, and for now, my husband will work with him in evenings.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, and my difficult child (I like that acronym, by the way) does not like to read. He is constantly bored, and has no real interests besides the PS2. I know reading would open up a world of fun for him, but he says he hates it. </p><p> </p><p>I have to run now, and thank you for letting me vent. Comments are welcome.</p><p> </p><p>Christina</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="introibo, post: 301783, member: 7941"] Hi all, I am so happy to have found this forum! I have nine kids, the first four were girls and the fifth is a boy. From the earliest age, he seemed a bit more tough and kind of defiant, but I always attributed this to his being a boy. Fast forward a few more years. I homeschool, and although he was pretty good with doing his school and interacting with his siblings when he was in grades K-3 or so, he has always been harder to deal with than the others. Again, I attributed this to his being a boy. As of last year, and now as we've started this year (he is in 5th grade, age 10), I'm getting to the point where I can't deal with him. He disobeys, goes totally bonkers when asked to do schoolwork (throwing books, breaking pencils), mercilessly teases his younger sister, fights with his next oldest sister, throws terrible tantrums when he messes up with Playstation, - basically the symptoms I've read associated with ODD. I know you folks don't care for that diagnosis, but I'll leave it at that for now. He also breaks his toys. Good toys. Some things that he has bought with his own money. He has broken one PS2 controller and is on his way to breaking another. He has Lord of the Rings action figures which he really likes which he'll suddenly just go into a fit over and start breaking. (this, when he has been sent to room, or if he has been told he loses Playstation, or something like that.) It's at the point where I'm removing all the nicer toys that he might break and keeping them in hiding. I've started a point/reward system based on the Kazdin method (the fellow from Yale, I can't recall the name of his book) and my son was pretty much OK with it. The first day of school he totally bombed out on it. The week got slightly better, but today (Monday) he went out to totally bombing. I was in tears, as he purposefully did something he wasn't supposed to, "just so (he) won't get points." He seems to have no remorse, and he constantly says he doesn't understand what it means to be good - not sure if he is fibbing here to push my buttons or if he really thinks he can't be good. He says he just can't be good and never will be. He asks for a certain toy back, and when I tell him "no" he just asks again. And again. He is slighly more respectful to my husband, but that is maybe only because he knows husband will be more likely to give hiim a smack for disobedience. I'm at the point where I'm not going to continue the homeschooling with him next year if this behavior doesn't change, and for now, my husband will work with him in evenings. Oh, and my difficult child (I like that acronym, by the way) does not like to read. He is constantly bored, and has no real interests besides the PS2. I know reading would open up a world of fun for him, but he says he hates it. I have to run now, and thank you for letting me vent. Comments are welcome. Christina [/QUOTE]
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