New here - just want to introduce myself

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by branbran, May 18, 2007.

  1. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Hello all - just want to say hi. I just found this site yesterday and having trouble turning comp off!! This site is amazing. Ive been reading all the post waiting patiently to be registered. What a warm bunch of survivors, I was so touched by the level of support given here. Some of the posts brought me to tears. (doesn't take much these days) I'll tell you a little bit about my wonderful life. Try to keep it as brief as possible, though very hard because I can talk. (or should I say whine) I have mastered whining an can throw a pretty amazing pity party. My hell began years ago. Though never thought it would get this bad. Im still very much in the "Why me" stage. Im very very angry at the world, dont like happy people much especially the proud parents of those sweet wonderful "perfet children". My poor beautiful daughter suffers daily as do I and all of you I'm sure. She is currently in her 3rd Residential Treatment Center (RTC), she ran away 13 times from her last one, so now the courts placed her out of state. I love the facility and her therapist as well. She is a very angry child and in constant emotional turmoil. I had a very bad visit with her on Monday (Which prompted me to find all of you) She is now cutting which she has never done before. She looked so bad all I could do was sob and hold her as she begged me to take her home. To ice the cake her therapist has told me that on top of the bipolar diagnosis , which I thought was bad enough, now I have to wrap my brain around conduct disorder (what fun). Now for the cherry on top, I also found out that while on one of her awols about a year ago she either was raped or traded sex for money. Dont know the details and quite frankly dont want to. Cant bear it. This is killing me, I cant stop crying, I sleep as much as I can and spend every waking moment in absolute agony. My poor baby girl. So in a nut shell I get up and breath everyday just because my body keeps working, cant understand how but it does. This has suffocated me for so long I cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. Im just waiting for my daughter and I to get to heaven, so that I can actually see that beautiful smile of hers and know that its genuine. How pathetic - huh? Then I have this wonderful 6 yo boy - who is absolutely amazing - who loves me to death - he makes me smile everyday. It is so not fair to him to have to watch me in my mysery daily. So I know what your thinking - count the blessings I do have and enjoy my son. Your right - I know. Its not easy. Well I told you it would hard for me to keep it brief. Thanks for reading and would love any advise offered. God bless all.
     
  2. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Welcome to the site. I hope you can find some relief in just getting to tell your "story".
     
  3. EB67

    EB67 New Member

    Welcome. I am very new here myself but I already feel a tremendous sense of community here. We're in a very specific boat here though our situations vary. I hope it helps you to "talk" about your daughter here and I'm sure you'll get excellent advice if that is what you want.
     
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Welcome to the board. You indeed found a safe place to lay your weary head.

    I just got through the turmoils of a troublesome teen. It is very heartbreaking, I know what you are going through. Right now it feels as though you cannot face one more thing. It will be easier to deal with once you accept it, although that is MUCH easier said than done. It will come in time. Meanwhile, feel free to vent here as much as you need to. There are many warrior moms & dads with tons of advice, wisdom and experience to share. You will always find someone who has gone through something already. The rest of us are here to help support you through your trials and tribulations.

    Gentle hugs and prayers being sent your way, and again welcome.
     
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Welcome branbran :biggrin:

    You somewhat remind me of myself when I found the board many years ago.

    The wonderful thing is that you're not alone anymore.

    I'm sorry that your daughter is having such a tough time, but glad she's in a facility now that seems to be a good one. My difficult child N has also cut and burned as you can see in my sig. It can be a scarey thing. Hopefully the facility where she is at now will be able to start her on the path to stability.

    As for being angry at the world and happy people. Oh yeah, been there done that. Was even big on the Why Me thing too. I think it sort of goes with the territory to some degree.

    But it also sounds like your exhausted from parenting your difficult child. No surprise as it is definately a challenge. As parents we need to remember to take care of ourselves too. I think that was the biggest lesson I had to learn. Do you ever get a chance for some down time for yourself to just forget about difficult child for a while and relax? Sometimes even just a short walk or a long hot soak in the tub can do wonders. And there are many parents here who have found therapy for themselves a good way to cope with the stress. It can be great to have someone to unload on.

    I'm so glad you found us,

    Hugs
     
  6. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Welcome BranBran, I'm glad that you have found this board. I am also new here, but I have found a lot of comfort in knowing that there are other mothers dealing with the same problems with their difficult child as I am. I hope that you can take a few minutes tomorrow and try to relax a little, just to take your mind off of all your problems. It is so important to try to take some time just for yourself. Again, welcome and I hope that this board will help you deal with your problems.
     
  7. Mikey

    Mikey Psycho Gorilla Dad

    Welcome branbran. I hope you find some small amount of peace and comfort here in our little corner of cyberspace.

    I won't repeat what the others have already said, other than to urge you to find some form of help for yourself. I can't remember if it was on the ToughLove or Families Anonymous website, but one of their priciples is "Parents are people, too".

    You have to take care of yourself if you're going to be of any help to your child. With my little bundle of joy, he can sense turmoil and weariness in me like a shark smells a wounded fish.

    And I ususally end up the same way as the wounded fish.

    So I realized that it was time for me to get some help. Different things work for different people, but I'd urge you to find some form of support and relief for yourself as well. Your pastor, a local therapist, a psychiatrist, whatever. Another place you might look is to see if your husband has some form of EAP (Employee Assistance Program) at work. If so, they're ususally free, anonymous, and have access to resources that can help.

    But do get some help for yourself. I did. When I first started having to deal with my son's substance abuse issues, I was having regular anxiety attacks that completely incapacitated me for nearly an hour, several times a day. Thanks to my doctor, I don't have those any more. Writing is also both theraputic and cathartic for me, so I tend to rewrite War and Peace here on CD once or twice a day - but it helps me.

    Find what helps you, and do it. If you don't know what will help you, check for some form of "help line" program to get you started (again, check on the EAP). Other places you can check are your local hospitals. Most of their mental health units will take phone calls and make referrals for help. Lastly, you can try one of the many support groups out there (like FamiliesAnonymous.org).

    Finally, if you do seek help try to get your SO to go with you, if at all possible. Sometimes healing together is easier than on your own.

    Just remember that as much as you want peace and happiness for your child, you deserve it as well because parents are people, too!

    Peace and prayers for you and yours. And be welcome here.

    Mikey
     
  8. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Our kids really put us through our paces. I found counseling very helpful. So did husband, but he'd never admit it. lol

    This site was a life-saver for me. Glad you found us. :smile:
     
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Hello and welcome to the board.

    It is very important that you take time for yourself. That is the one thing I make sure to tell every new member. You have to take care of yourself in order to be able to care for your child. It's the airplane and the oxygen-mask analogy. You have a lot on your plate.

    I've heard of a group called Emotions Anonymous. I've never personally attended any meetings, but I've heard good things about them. You might try googling them and seeing if you think that's something you would be interested in. I do think it is important that you talk to someone...someone to confide in and help you work through your emotions...whoever that person might be for you. Mikey gave you a lot of good places to start. I think that especially now that difficult child is in a safe place and you know she's being protected and taken care of, it would be a great time for you to start taking care of you.

    I'm glad you found us.
     
  10. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Hello and welcome to the board. I think most of us were at the stage you are at when we found this board. You'll be amazed at how much better we can make you feel :)and how much better you'll be able to make yourself feel in time.

    This board gets me through each and every day, besides the serenity prayer.

    Hope you feel better already, just telling your story. It's not so much different then most of ours, so hopefully you will find the support you need from us.
     
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome!

    My advice to you is to let go while she is in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Take time to heal for yourself and your family. Now is the time you should be able to relax. Someone else is in charge of the day to day - and that is OK. It is the best thing for her right now. It does not mean you failed, it means she needs more than any mom could provide in a home environment.

    Let go of the guilt and start living life again. A calm, peaceful life. It will be stressful when she returns home - no doubt. So, take this time to give your son good peaceful memories in his childhood as well.

    Big hugs to you, it sounds as though you have been through alot of pain trying to help your difficult child.
     
  12. ALogan3

    ALogan3 New Member

    WELCOME!!!

    Welcome to the Board!!

    I also have a bipolar son.

    Bipolar and Conduct Disorder are one in the same~~The conduct disorder is a result of poorly controlled bipolar~~9 out of 10 times!! So if they properly treat the bipolar the conduct disorder completely goes away. I only know this because I have LIVED this. I have seen it with my own eyes! Getting knowledgeable psychiatrist's about pediatric bipolar is next to impossible. I have done thousands of hours of research.

    Another place to look into is
    http://jbrf.org
    They are currently doing research on pediatric bipolar

    Most importantly~~Use this well deserved RESPITE while it lasts!!
    Refresh, renew, rest!!

    Again, Welcome!!
    Andrea
     
  13. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Popping in to offer you my welcome. Nothing much to offer accept a cyber shoulder to lean on & please find some time for you. :flower:

    Our kids aren't for the faint of heart & we do have feelings as well. Time to take care of your heart/soul. :flower:
     
  14. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    I'm new here myself and have found this a wonderful source of comfort, information, and even gentle nudges to keep myself sane.
     
  15. habibi

    habibi New Member

    Hi branbran. I'm sending you a private message.
     
  16. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Hi, I did reply - dont know if you got it as I am very new to this and a bit of a comp. dummy. I believe I deleted a second message from you. If so I apologize. Learning as I go. Please feel free to contact me anytime. If you dont here back from me right away it is only that I am probably having a brain :censored2: and as soon as I get it together I will respond. Thanks for your patience.
     
  17. sweepymom

    sweepymom New Member

    ALWAYS REMEMBER OUR CHILDREN ARE PERFECT EVERYONE ELSES CHILDREN ARE DIFERENT AND IF OURS WERE DIFERENT WE WOULD BE BORED!!! LOL
    Oh yeah welcome..
     
  18. Allan-Matlem

    Allan-Matlem Active Member

    Hi,
    I am sorry about your situation. I recommend http://strugglingteens.com - there are lots of parents who have kids with Residential Treatment Center (RTC) experience. maybe write to Lon Woodbury as well ?

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers in your direction

    Allan
     
  19. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Popping in a lil late to welcome ya aboard Branbran. I like Mikey will not repeat what others have already said but did want to welcome you to Cd, Its an amazing support group and you will find that many here are not afraid to share their experiences along with the very much needed advice or support that brings us here to begin with. I discovered this site a while back when I was having problems with my now 18 year old difficult child. Of course the drama still remains with her but we are just in a different place now is all.
     
  20. jodyice

    jodyice New Member

    Hi and welcome, sorry you had to find us but glad you did. You're in a safe and warm place here. ~soft hugs~
     
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