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New here--Long story--Need an approach
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 427141" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You sound like you desperately NEED the book "parenting Teens with Love and Logic". in my opinion this is the best parenting book out there. It stresses using natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. We found it very empowering. You can check it out, and the other love and logic books, at <a href="http://www.loveandlogic.com" target="_blank">www.loveandlogic.com</a>.</p><p> </p><p>If you can afford one of their seminars, GO. I did a one day seminar with friend and it was amazing. One technique that Dr. Fay Sr talked about was to give the teen a chore. It must be done. Teen won't do it? You get someone in to do it for X amt of money. Teen is told, while person is working, that when they are done they will expect to be paid X amt and teen needs to pay it. If teen leaves/won't pay/doesn't have the money? Parent pays and then pawns the teen's game system, stereo, whatever. Teen is given the pawn ticket and it is explained that he had this expense that had to be paid so his xbox was pawned to pay for it. teen can earn money to redeem the pawn ticket and get it back if he wants. </p><p> </p><p>It is left there for teen to solve. If teen takes something of parents and pawns it? POlice are called and charges are pressed. THAT is stealing. What parent did is NOT stealing because they are the parent and have legal ownership over all of teen's possessions. Just don't back down.</p><p> </p><p>ANY time you find drugs you MUST call the cops. don't play, don't make it easy. It doesn't matter if everyone does it - it is illegal. Make it clear that you are NOT playing games. </p><p> </p><p>You can also remove everything from his possession/room. Strip it to what you are legally bound to provide - meaning mattress on the floor with sheets and a blanket and pillow, a light in the room, and seven outfits. NOT ones that HE wants, ones that you choose for him. ONE pair of shoes. Take the music, books, toys, gadgets, computer, etc.... and lock them ALL up. He can have them when he earns them with good behavior. I suggest the L&L approach first, and reading the book first. But stripping his room is an option. As a minor he does NOT own ANYTHING. YOU own EVERYTHING regardless of if he paid for it or not. He has NO legal rights to it as he is NOt able to enter a contract legally. Doesn't matter if he argues.</p><p> </p><p>If/when he damages property, call the police and report it. ditto leaving with-o permission. Mostly they own't do much for a while, but eventually they WILL. If you don't stop this it is going to get much much worse very fast. esp now that drugs have entered the picture.</p><p></p><p>Also PLEASE go to narcanon or alanon meetings. Either is acceptable in most places and you will get a lot of support and info and ideas. And stick around here!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 427141, member: 1233"] You sound like you desperately NEED the book "parenting Teens with Love and Logic". in my opinion this is the best parenting book out there. It stresses using natural and logical consequences while strengthening the loving bond between parent and child. We found it very empowering. You can check it out, and the other love and logic books, at [URL="http://www.loveandlogic.com"]www.loveandlogic.com[/URL]. If you can afford one of their seminars, GO. I did a one day seminar with friend and it was amazing. One technique that Dr. Fay Sr talked about was to give the teen a chore. It must be done. Teen won't do it? You get someone in to do it for X amt of money. Teen is told, while person is working, that when they are done they will expect to be paid X amt and teen needs to pay it. If teen leaves/won't pay/doesn't have the money? Parent pays and then pawns the teen's game system, stereo, whatever. Teen is given the pawn ticket and it is explained that he had this expense that had to be paid so his xbox was pawned to pay for it. teen can earn money to redeem the pawn ticket and get it back if he wants. It is left there for teen to solve. If teen takes something of parents and pawns it? POlice are called and charges are pressed. THAT is stealing. What parent did is NOT stealing because they are the parent and have legal ownership over all of teen's possessions. Just don't back down. ANY time you find drugs you MUST call the cops. don't play, don't make it easy. It doesn't matter if everyone does it - it is illegal. Make it clear that you are NOT playing games. You can also remove everything from his possession/room. Strip it to what you are legally bound to provide - meaning mattress on the floor with sheets and a blanket and pillow, a light in the room, and seven outfits. NOT ones that HE wants, ones that you choose for him. ONE pair of shoes. Take the music, books, toys, gadgets, computer, etc.... and lock them ALL up. He can have them when he earns them with good behavior. I suggest the L&L approach first, and reading the book first. But stripping his room is an option. As a minor he does NOT own ANYTHING. YOU own EVERYTHING regardless of if he paid for it or not. He has NO legal rights to it as he is NOt able to enter a contract legally. Doesn't matter if he argues. If/when he damages property, call the police and report it. ditto leaving with-o permission. Mostly they own't do much for a while, but eventually they WILL. If you don't stop this it is going to get much much worse very fast. esp now that drugs have entered the picture. Also PLEASE go to narcanon or alanon meetings. Either is acceptable in most places and you will get a lot of support and info and ideas. And stick around here! [/QUOTE]
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