Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New here--Long story--Need an approach
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 427233" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>In our experience, the approach you take needs to be geared to where this young person is coming from (as opposed to, geared toward where you think he is going...)</p><p> </p><p>For some, rule-books, rewards and punishments work. </p><p>For others (like ours), these are counter-productive. </p><p> </p><p>I had two brothers... both were handfuls (I wasn't, of course <wink>). The first approach worked with one, and did not work at all with the other... </p><p> </p><p>We know, for example, that we're working with an "uneven developmental delay" situation - 4 going on 40 (literally... sometimes so mature he blows people away, and other times extremely immature). We had to move away from rules and punishments and rewards, because they were not working... even had to drop the lectures. What works for us may not work for most other people - we agreed on three basic principles to live by (for the whole family). If anyone has an issue about something, the first question is... which principle is being violated (ask the violatee)? (sometimes, none - its just <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" />ing, in which case, the discussion ends). The second question is to ask the violator to describe an alternative approach to whatever is being done, that doesn't violate our principles... they get creative, but as long as it meets the principles, its fine. Then, the two involved have to agree on a resolution - often, an apology is all that's needed. Something broken gets fixed or replaced when possible, etc. In 2 months, we've dropped everyone's stress levels by more than half... This approach is closer to "The Explosive Child" approach - and ours seems to match the profile given in that book (list of unmet needs has a high hit-rate here!)</p><p> </p><p>If yours doesn't match the apparent "profile" of the case studies being presented, then the approach may not be right for the situation... If you can read your situation into the book, then go for it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 427233, member: 11791"] In our experience, the approach you take needs to be geared to where this young person is coming from (as opposed to, geared toward where you think he is going...) For some, rule-books, rewards and punishments work. For others (like ours), these are counter-productive. I had two brothers... both were handfuls (I wasn't, of course <wink>). The first approach worked with one, and did not work at all with the other... We know, for example, that we're working with an "uneven developmental delay" situation - 4 going on 40 (literally... sometimes so mature he blows people away, and other times extremely immature). We had to move away from rules and punishments and rewards, because they were not working... even had to drop the lectures. What works for us may not work for most other people - we agreed on three basic principles to live by (for the whole family). If anyone has an issue about something, the first question is... which principle is being violated (ask the violatee)? (sometimes, none - its just :censored2:ing, in which case, the discussion ends). The second question is to ask the violator to describe an alternative approach to whatever is being done, that doesn't violate our principles... they get creative, but as long as it meets the principles, its fine. Then, the two involved have to agree on a resolution - often, an apology is all that's needed. Something broken gets fixed or replaced when possible, etc. In 2 months, we've dropped everyone's stress levels by more than half... This approach is closer to "The Explosive Child" approach - and ours seems to match the profile given in that book (list of unmet needs has a high hit-rate here!) If yours doesn't match the apparent "profile" of the case studies being presented, then the approach may not be right for the situation... If you can read your situation into the book, then go for it. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
New here--Long story--Need an approach
Top