New here & looking for advice!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jeninpa, Feb 19, 2009.

  1. Jeninpa

    Jeninpa New Member

    I was referred here from a friend at a deal site board,lol. I don't know what all your abbreviations are yet but here is my issue. I have a 5yr old son who has been a handful since he was 1! He always hated strangers to the point when they got to close he would spit on them or just try to hit or grab at them. He started swearing by 18 months of age. He would pick up the slightest thing like I was watching ER and they said (in a normal sentence, no emphasis) the B word. He said it the rest of the night over and over at not even 2yrs old! The Dr said to ignore him that he was just looking for a reaction.....that so did not work. The hitting, spitting thing went on until a little past 3. He is now a very active child, he learned to ride a bike without training wheels and swim(above & under water) all in the summer he was 3 1/2. We think it was a mix of his high activity level and he has no fear at all. He loves video games and has beat several of them by himself including Lego Batman for Wii. He no longer swears (much) and he is responding more to the fear of being in trouble when I speak but he does things he knows he is not allowed. He still hits alot. He has trouble playing with and getting along with kids his age and plays very well with kids 7 and up and the funny thing is they don't mind playing with him.He speaks very well for his age and even though he isn't doing things such as reading he is very smart as far as knowing things most 5yr olds don't. He has a bad temper. And will sit ad watch TV shows such as Suite Life, Hannah Montana but will act up, jump, scream(occasionally covering his ears while doing so) etc during a commercial. He also will not just sit and watch a movie but question everything. He needs to know answers to things most kids, even most older kids would not really think about. I don't think it's ADHD as he can be good and we have even been on 2 7 day Disney Cruises (10 days total gone) and he was great! He even went to the kids clubs and played great when at home he doesn't leave my side and has no sitters! I'm thinking it might be behavorial but I don't know. I do have 3 older kids, DS14, DD12(receptive/expressive language disorder possible ADD...I was in a wreck while pregnant with-her)& DD9. They are all honor roll students....even DD12 who spends most of her time in "lala land",lmao. But none of them ever had any behavior issues. I'm not sure what else to say that may be pertinent. I had 3kids then remarried and had him, so he is the baby and the other kids go to their dads or grams occasionally so he also gets some only child time. He can really make his dads blood boil.......he looks just like his dad and from what I hear husband was a handful as a child but no diagnoses. Thanks for any advice and for reading such a long post!!!
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Jeninpa. Welcome to the site.

    First, I'd recommend picking up a copy of the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It should help give you a game plan for the challenging behaviors.

    I'm seeing enough in your post to think you need to talk to his pediatrician about getting him evaluated.

    You've indicated anxiety, social issues, no fear, knowing things that kids his own age don't know, not responsive to discipline. You might check out Asperger's Syndrome at the site below and see if anything rings a bell. Keep in mind that all kids often don't fit all of the symptoms listed for any disorder.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would be thinking possibly Asperger's Syndrome, which is very hard to get a diagnosis. for at his age, even if he has it. The other may be touched by Aspergers too, especially 12 year old. Many Aspies NEVER act out, but are just quirky and strange and have trouble with social issues and "getting it." Many are extremely precocious yet unable to interact with their same-age peers. They tend to have very focused, but narrow interests--such as loving baseball so much that they memorize every statistic. A great rote memory is a trait. They are less good at abstract thinking because their brains are very literal--black and white. Some absolutely can not transition well, especially when young, and that can cause raging. Sensory issues can also be a problem--loud noise, light, certain textures, etc., but all Aspies are different. I'd get a total evaluation--I prefer NeuroPsychs over all other professionals. They tend to test very thoroughly and get the closest to the problem. After all, WE are only moms. Anyway, that's my advice and layman's opinion and welcome to the board :)
  4. Jeninpa

    Jeninpa New Member

    I didn't see anything that really relates to him through that link. It so hard to think of what might be relevant to explain him more thoroughly and this is why I want the Dr. to send him for some evaluations.

    I'll give you an example of things he comes up with......he loves the movie Fred Claus, there is a part where Santa can look in a large globe thing to check and see if kids are being good, he said he wished he had one to watch Santa then when Santa was looking in his globe he'd know to be good!
  5. Jeninpa

    Jeninpa New Member

    I thought of something else he does! He has amazing hearing (as in he can hear you whisper in another room) and can also name a song in like 2 notes,lol. I joke he should go on that show "Name That Tune",lol. You can not turn the radio or TV fast enough if there is something on you do not want to watch or hear! He doesn't even have to be paying attention,lol. He also knows most of the words to every song and TV jingle. Also he could be in the living room on the computer and if we touch the dog treats he will start throwing a fit and come running into the kitchen because he likes to give "Pippy" her treats. We don't hardly ever get or give her dog treats but for the past 2 1/2yrs it has been a melt down if he wasn't the one to do it. This is the only situation I can think of besides taking the TV from him that causes a temper tantrum.

    I also thought maybe it would help to share a few videos of him. There is one in particular you might find interesting......I asked him once a few months back when he wasn't cooperating why he wouldn't listen to me and he told me,lmao. Feel free to check out the other videos of him, he is a pretty amazing kid when he isn't driving us insane,lmao.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 21, 2009
  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    I removed the link to the youtube video because we're cautious about child privacy here. We've had problems before so this is routine.

    However, I did watch that first one as well as one other. Does he frequently make hand motions similar to what he was doing there? How about the eye blinking--was that just for the camera that day or do you see a lot of blinking or eye twitching?
  7. DramaQueenLucy

    DramaQueenLucy New Member

    Jen I just wanted to say welcome to my other home on the net. I am sure that you will find advice and support here..hugs DQL
  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Jeninpa, I was told you were having problems posting. I just tried to send you a private message but you don't have that function turned on.

    You should be fine to post now.
  9. Jeninpa

    Jeninpa New Member

    No, I have never noticed any blinking or weird movements from him. DD12 does the blinking thing which has not been diagnosed as a tic and comes & goes. I think it is a tic though.

    I checked all my user settings and it seems I can receive messages, atleast the box was checked, weird,lol.
  10. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    If you have concerns about his behavior as compared to your other children, then you probably should trust your instincts and talk to your pediatrician about getting an assessment. Make a list of concerns before taking it into your pediatrician.
  11. Jeninpa

    Jeninpa New Member

    He had his appointment today. The doctor said he didn't see any signs of anything other than a smart and bored little boy. He gave me papers on ODD although he said doesn't have it but we want to set firm rules and stick to punishments so he doesn't develop ODD. We are still getting an evaluation done anyway.
  12. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Jeninpa, we don't know--if anything--is up with your little guy. But I will tell you that our forum is full of parents whose pediatricians didn't take their concerns seriously. Some pediatricians are quick to listen to parents while others aren't. For example, about 10 years ago a survey of parents of children with Autism was done by the pediatrics association and it found that over half of the parents were helped to answers not by their pediatricians, but by school staff and other children. If you're concerned then it won't hurt to have him checked further.

    Consistent parenting and boundaries are important to most children. You'll know pretty quickly if it's helping or making things worse.