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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 487474" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>Petunia,</p><p>What a sense of humor you have which is part of how you will cope and make it through this. I have a difficult child daughter who turned 17 almost 2 month ago. We have many things in common. She has had all the same diagnosis as your son initially. Unfortunetly we found out that her issues were far worse and she had suffered extensive abuse at the hands of a family member when she was very young. We did not begin having school trouble until puberty. We have done 2 different residential treatments over the last almost 3 years. She came out worse on both occations. She is now beginning to mellow. When I say mellow-it only means that one or two deliquent behaviors have decreased or gone away.</p><p></p><p></p><p>We have done it all-therapy of many kinds (some of it forced on her). Club sports (that took up lots of her time), music, complete supervision, running off friends, changing schools etc. etc. Does any of it work? They are their own person and the real issue is that we cannot change or control another human. Would I do anything different??? I do think I would have sold the home and changed neighborhood years ago-not enough good kids close by my kids ages. Other than that, no. Has any of it worked? I don't believe we will know until the frontal cortex develops and she is in better control of herself.</p><p></p><p>I did not read all the posts but I don't think you should do the detatchment thing. He is your responsibility still and he needs you (he doesn't know this). To me the real trick is not blaming yourself and the family. Took us a long time to get there. Kids do things and things happen to them outside your control. They come to earth prewired and may have a predisposition to mental or neorologic problems. These can be triggered by any of a number of things. What may trigger you, may not trigger me. We all do the best we can in parenting and protecting. None of us are perfect.</p><p></p><p>Yep, I get the whole social isolation thing. I find peace at NAMI. Most of these parents have kids who have had drug issues as well. When I went to the 12 step meetings, I went to learn the process and what to do in order to not enable. I did not find comfort there and ended up at NAMI. Several parents have ADHD kids, some have spectrum disorders-it is like this board. I learned about the system as well-very important. We did have to get state help a year ago when we ran out of funds after an 18 month residential treatment at a dual diagnostic place. I learned a lot there-we even took 2 girls and our daughter into our home each night once difficult child hit a certain phase and became an oldcomer and mentor. I learned from the girls. I learned from books and the internet. The state experience was horrible-abusive really. I 'm glad I was armed by my NAMI group. Knowledge is power. </p><p></p><p>In the end you must have a bit of hope and support for you. You have to find healthy coping to avoid the anxiety ( I almost got medication because it got so bad). You are the person you are in control of and can help right now. As you seek help in anyway you can. You must care for you. It took me too long to listen to this advise and I have aged sooo much over the last 3 years. I'm sure I've shaved years off my life. Care for you, husband and easy child. Love and fight for difficult child as much as you can. Ask that judge to take him out of your home for awhile and into treatment if you are ready. You will be no good to him if you are run down. ((( Hugs))) and know that you are not alone and that there are no solutions-just support and ideas.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 487474, member: 11001"] Petunia, What a sense of humor you have which is part of how you will cope and make it through this. I have a difficult child daughter who turned 17 almost 2 month ago. We have many things in common. She has had all the same diagnosis as your son initially. Unfortunetly we found out that her issues were far worse and she had suffered extensive abuse at the hands of a family member when she was very young. We did not begin having school trouble until puberty. We have done 2 different residential treatments over the last almost 3 years. She came out worse on both occations. She is now beginning to mellow. When I say mellow-it only means that one or two deliquent behaviors have decreased or gone away. We have done it all-therapy of many kinds (some of it forced on her). Club sports (that took up lots of her time), music, complete supervision, running off friends, changing schools etc. etc. Does any of it work? They are their own person and the real issue is that we cannot change or control another human. Would I do anything different??? I do think I would have sold the home and changed neighborhood years ago-not enough good kids close by my kids ages. Other than that, no. Has any of it worked? I don't believe we will know until the frontal cortex develops and she is in better control of herself. I did not read all the posts but I don't think you should do the detatchment thing. He is your responsibility still and he needs you (he doesn't know this). To me the real trick is not blaming yourself and the family. Took us a long time to get there. Kids do things and things happen to them outside your control. They come to earth prewired and may have a predisposition to mental or neorologic problems. These can be triggered by any of a number of things. What may trigger you, may not trigger me. We all do the best we can in parenting and protecting. None of us are perfect. Yep, I get the whole social isolation thing. I find peace at NAMI. Most of these parents have kids who have had drug issues as well. When I went to the 12 step meetings, I went to learn the process and what to do in order to not enable. I did not find comfort there and ended up at NAMI. Several parents have ADHD kids, some have spectrum disorders-it is like this board. I learned about the system as well-very important. We did have to get state help a year ago when we ran out of funds after an 18 month residential treatment at a dual diagnostic place. I learned a lot there-we even took 2 girls and our daughter into our home each night once difficult child hit a certain phase and became an oldcomer and mentor. I learned from the girls. I learned from books and the internet. The state experience was horrible-abusive really. I 'm glad I was armed by my NAMI group. Knowledge is power. In the end you must have a bit of hope and support for you. You have to find healthy coping to avoid the anxiety ( I almost got medication because it got so bad). You are the person you are in control of and can help right now. As you seek help in anyway you can. You must care for you. It took me too long to listen to this advise and I have aged sooo much over the last 3 years. I'm sure I've shaved years off my life. Care for you, husband and easy child. Love and fight for difficult child as much as you can. Ask that judge to take him out of your home for awhile and into treatment if you are ready. You will be no good to him if you are run down. ((( Hugs))) and know that you are not alone and that there are no solutions-just support and ideas. [/QUOTE]
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