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<blockquote data-quote="Petunia" data-source="post: 487637" data-attributes="member: 13251"><p>You guys are awesome! I appreciate everyone's thoughts on my situation. It sounds like so many of our kids have such similar issues that there would be one name for it...and oh, how I wish there was a one-size-fits all (that works) solution! Here's where you all have led me:</p><p></p><p>1. I will be completely open and honest with the new psychologist. If I don't, then I know in the long run I won't be able to sleep because I wouldn't have done everything in my power to help my child. Also, it will continue to still set the example of complete honesty (even though modeling that behavior hasn't seemed to have any effect so far). I think I will also take pictures with me of the damage to our walls, broken windows, and the stripped-down space that my son's bedroom has become (no door, no closet door, no dresser. Just a frame with- mattress (no box spring) that is searched daily. Of course, this just means he moves his hiding spots. I've never shown any of the therapists actual photos and it might make a difference. Probation made a random home visit this week and the PO was much more sympathetic after she saw his room. She actually said, "Wow, I know you told me all this, but seeing it in person makes me understand what you've been trying to tell me all this time).</p><p>2. I will ask the psychologist about a neuropsychologist evaluation, where one might be available or who to ask for a referral</p><p>3. I will go to the Naranon meeting just so I can check it out and see if it will help me...even if it's not until later that it helps me.</p><p>4. I have joined NAMI online (thanks for that one...I had never heard of that organization) and I will contact the nearest chapter to see what they can offer</p><p>5. I will ask easy child's pediatrician for a referral for a professional that might be able to connect with him to discuss his coping skills for what we do on a daily basis (even the "missing person" status seems stressful for easy child...although it keeps the rage/tantrums out of the house, it brings on it's own set of anxiety about where difficult child is sleeping and whose pajamas he is wearing)</p><p>6. I will ask the judge for some type of mandated treatment (the original order for substance abuse evaluation fell way short of even beginning to touch the tip of our iceberg). Hopefully I will be given this opportunity. The last appearance before him was pretty one-sided..and it wasn't our side. I don't know if this is the answer or if it will even work in his present state of mind, but again, it "seems" like the right thing to do, exhaust ALL options. I wonder if I can write the judge a letter to be read ahead of time. Hmmm.</p><p></p><p>Exhausted - our difficult child DID qualify for Special Education services under "other health impaired" (after YEARS of my requesting testing and being denied due to his high scores on state standardized tests. I stopped requesting and DEMANDED instead. Works much better). Based on the SD's testing, he could read at grade level 13, but had the attention span of a 3rd grader. This was 2 years ago. He participated somewhat willingly at first (it at least kept him from full-blown expulsion during his freshman year and allowed him to do some credit recovery for the time while he was not allowed in the school building). But this year, with the escalation of drug use and moving from pot into harder stuff, he started refusing services at school (we were doing a pull-out program--he would be pulled from reg study hall to resource room 1x/week unless he had multiple failing grades, then he would be pulled more often. Since all of his grades were failing, he was being pulled all the time and he started getting defiant and refusing to leave his seat, thus resulting in more discipline referrals). The SPED teacher attempted many times to help, but for us it wasn't worth having the teacher/other students subjected to his antics, since the services had failed to show any improvement in his grades or school performance. So we voluntarily signed out at the case conference recently. Let the teachers focus on someone who actually WANTS to learn and just take his disruptions out of their classroom equation. I hope that doesn't cause everyone to gasp aloud. It looks so much worse in writing than it sounded in my head. Also, I've always thought that his difficult birth may have deprived his brain of oxygen for just enough time to make him slightly off somewhere. Or perhaps the forceps delivery caused brain bruising or something. Or it is genetic...all the genes from husband's side, of course. LOL. </p><p>Dammit Janet - the information about parents being charged with their child's crime came from an attorney (we had used him in the past) I contacted to ask about my rights as a parent to stop being victimized by my child (don't laugh). I had heard the term "emancipation" and that was my goal at the moment. I interpreted him as saying this would apply to crimes that had an actual "victim" - such as assault, rather than "victimless" crimes like possession. The attorney did say to keep documentation of all of our attempts to help our child, and knowing us personally, he thought the prosecutor would not pursue such an avenue, but that it was a possibility. Perks of a small town - knowing everyone. Downside of a small town - knowing everyone.</p><p></p><p>That's my resolution list for now. I may update it later, and if you all keep the suggestions and conversations coming, I will be very appreciative!</p><p></p><p>Thanks again!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Petunia, post: 487637, member: 13251"] You guys are awesome! I appreciate everyone's thoughts on my situation. It sounds like so many of our kids have such similar issues that there would be one name for it...and oh, how I wish there was a one-size-fits all (that works) solution! Here's where you all have led me: 1. I will be completely open and honest with the new psychologist. If I don't, then I know in the long run I won't be able to sleep because I wouldn't have done everything in my power to help my child. Also, it will continue to still set the example of complete honesty (even though modeling that behavior hasn't seemed to have any effect so far). I think I will also take pictures with me of the damage to our walls, broken windows, and the stripped-down space that my son's bedroom has become (no door, no closet door, no dresser. Just a frame with- mattress (no box spring) that is searched daily. Of course, this just means he moves his hiding spots. I've never shown any of the therapists actual photos and it might make a difference. Probation made a random home visit this week and the PO was much more sympathetic after she saw his room. She actually said, "Wow, I know you told me all this, but seeing it in person makes me understand what you've been trying to tell me all this time). 2. I will ask the psychologist about a neuropsychologist evaluation, where one might be available or who to ask for a referral 3. I will go to the Naranon meeting just so I can check it out and see if it will help me...even if it's not until later that it helps me. 4. I have joined NAMI online (thanks for that one...I had never heard of that organization) and I will contact the nearest chapter to see what they can offer 5. I will ask easy child's pediatrician for a referral for a professional that might be able to connect with him to discuss his coping skills for what we do on a daily basis (even the "missing person" status seems stressful for easy child...although it keeps the rage/tantrums out of the house, it brings on it's own set of anxiety about where difficult child is sleeping and whose pajamas he is wearing) 6. I will ask the judge for some type of mandated treatment (the original order for substance abuse evaluation fell way short of even beginning to touch the tip of our iceberg). Hopefully I will be given this opportunity. The last appearance before him was pretty one-sided..and it wasn't our side. I don't know if this is the answer or if it will even work in his present state of mind, but again, it "seems" like the right thing to do, exhaust ALL options. I wonder if I can write the judge a letter to be read ahead of time. Hmmm. Exhausted - our difficult child DID qualify for Special Education services under "other health impaired" (after YEARS of my requesting testing and being denied due to his high scores on state standardized tests. I stopped requesting and DEMANDED instead. Works much better). Based on the SD's testing, he could read at grade level 13, but had the attention span of a 3rd grader. This was 2 years ago. He participated somewhat willingly at first (it at least kept him from full-blown expulsion during his freshman year and allowed him to do some credit recovery for the time while he was not allowed in the school building). But this year, with the escalation of drug use and moving from pot into harder stuff, he started refusing services at school (we were doing a pull-out program--he would be pulled from reg study hall to resource room 1x/week unless he had multiple failing grades, then he would be pulled more often. Since all of his grades were failing, he was being pulled all the time and he started getting defiant and refusing to leave his seat, thus resulting in more discipline referrals). The SPED teacher attempted many times to help, but for us it wasn't worth having the teacher/other students subjected to his antics, since the services had failed to show any improvement in his grades or school performance. So we voluntarily signed out at the case conference recently. Let the teachers focus on someone who actually WANTS to learn and just take his disruptions out of their classroom equation. I hope that doesn't cause everyone to gasp aloud. It looks so much worse in writing than it sounded in my head. Also, I've always thought that his difficult birth may have deprived his brain of oxygen for just enough time to make him slightly off somewhere. Or perhaps the forceps delivery caused brain bruising or something. Or it is genetic...all the genes from husband's side, of course. LOL. Dammit Janet - the information about parents being charged with their child's crime came from an attorney (we had used him in the past) I contacted to ask about my rights as a parent to stop being victimized by my child (don't laugh). I had heard the term "emancipation" and that was my goal at the moment. I interpreted him as saying this would apply to crimes that had an actual "victim" - such as assault, rather than "victimless" crimes like possession. The attorney did say to keep documentation of all of our attempts to help our child, and knowing us personally, he thought the prosecutor would not pursue such an avenue, but that it was a possibility. Perks of a small town - knowing everyone. Downside of a small town - knowing everyone. That's my resolution list for now. I may update it later, and if you all keep the suggestions and conversations coming, I will be very appreciative! Thanks again!! [/QUOTE]
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