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<blockquote data-quote="Circetay" data-source="post: 385951"><p>Jo, I had typed out a whole long reply to you and then lost my connection. ARGH!!! Must be time for me to go to bed. I'll try to repeat in shortened form.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for being there for me this evening. It's been really nice to talk to someone about this. It's been something i've kept to myself for too long. I have my own issues and I deal with blame and guilt a lot. I hate that I blame her, and myself but it's part of what I do. I know that it's unnecessary and doesn't get us anywhere but it's a learned behaviour that I have yet to figure out how to unlearn. I am hoping to get into some individual therapy very soon and I think that maybe that will help me things through a different light. I just want to be the best Mom I can be, and right now I feel so far away from that. It's like we're on different planets and every time I react or don't react it's wrong. Her and I never see eye to eye and it breaks my heart. I just want to love my little girl and make her life easier for her but I can't. I feel like i've let her down. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/felttip/brokenheart.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":brokenheart:" title="brokenheart :brokenheart:" data-shortname=":brokenheart:" /> I mean she's 5, these are supposed to be the easy years.</p><p></p><p>Keeping the girls apart is hard to do, since we have a very small house, but at the same time we're always near each other so I can hear what's going on. I think that my younger daughter might instigate a little as well. When does normal sibling rivalry become more than that? As for her rages, i've been the one to ignore her, husband simply cannot. I keep telling him over and over that it works for me, but he has yet to see it. Of course, because she's different when he's around. As for sitting beside her, thats a tough one. Most of her rages are at moments where we cannot sit with her. In the car, as we are leaving the house etc. Mostly they happen when she gets in trouble or is being punished. Isn't sitting with her more of a reward? I'm really at my wits end in terms of discipline with her. She won't sit in time out or go to her room without raging and she doesn't care about reward charts. What's left?</p><p></p><p>Take care of myself! I love it! Sounds like something my Mom would say, if we were actually talking that is. I am not very good at self care. I stay up too late (especially since starting the ADD medications) and am up way too early for my liking with the girls. I don't eat regularly (Dr. suspects ED's) but I do take vitamins! My cycle is to charge through on adrenaline and then crash. I find that nighttime, when the girls are in bed is my favorite time of day. There is peace in my house and I can destress. I think I also dread going to bed because it means that coming up next is morning and you never know what kind of day it's going to be. I hate living on edge like this, it's exhausting.</p><p></p><p>On that note, it's getting late and I guess I should try to get some sleep. Planning a quiet day at home tomorrow. Sometimes they are the best, others the worst. Hopefully it will be a good day. Hope you're enjoying your weekend.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Circetay, post: 385951"] Jo, I had typed out a whole long reply to you and then lost my connection. ARGH!!! Must be time for me to go to bed. I'll try to repeat in shortened form. Thanks for being there for me this evening. It's been really nice to talk to someone about this. It's been something i've kept to myself for too long. I have my own issues and I deal with blame and guilt a lot. I hate that I blame her, and myself but it's part of what I do. I know that it's unnecessary and doesn't get us anywhere but it's a learned behaviour that I have yet to figure out how to unlearn. I am hoping to get into some individual therapy very soon and I think that maybe that will help me things through a different light. I just want to be the best Mom I can be, and right now I feel so far away from that. It's like we're on different planets and every time I react or don't react it's wrong. Her and I never see eye to eye and it breaks my heart. I just want to love my little girl and make her life easier for her but I can't. I feel like i've let her down. :brokenheart: I mean she's 5, these are supposed to be the easy years. Keeping the girls apart is hard to do, since we have a very small house, but at the same time we're always near each other so I can hear what's going on. I think that my younger daughter might instigate a little as well. When does normal sibling rivalry become more than that? As for her rages, i've been the one to ignore her, husband simply cannot. I keep telling him over and over that it works for me, but he has yet to see it. Of course, because she's different when he's around. As for sitting beside her, thats a tough one. Most of her rages are at moments where we cannot sit with her. In the car, as we are leaving the house etc. Mostly they happen when she gets in trouble or is being punished. Isn't sitting with her more of a reward? I'm really at my wits end in terms of discipline with her. She won't sit in time out or go to her room without raging and she doesn't care about reward charts. What's left? Take care of myself! I love it! Sounds like something my Mom would say, if we were actually talking that is. I am not very good at self care. I stay up too late (especially since starting the ADD medications) and am up way too early for my liking with the girls. I don't eat regularly (Dr. suspects ED's) but I do take vitamins! My cycle is to charge through on adrenaline and then crash. I find that nighttime, when the girls are in bed is my favorite time of day. There is peace in my house and I can destress. I think I also dread going to bed because it means that coming up next is morning and you never know what kind of day it's going to be. I hate living on edge like this, it's exhausting. On that note, it's getting late and I guess I should try to get some sleep. Planning a quiet day at home tomorrow. Sometimes they are the best, others the worst. Hopefully it will be a good day. Hope you're enjoying your weekend. [/QUOTE]
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