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New here: need advice on what to do with 18 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Calamity Jane" data-source="post: 530802" data-attributes="member: 13882"><p>Hi Amiranda,</p><p>Unfortunately, there's a legacy of drug use in your son's family, and that is of concern. Your son is unmotivated, hanging out with a not-too-swift group of friends, he's floundering in school, and hanging on to his job, just barely. By saying he's sorry that he's not the son you wanted, it's either a manipulation to make you feel guilty and back off, or he recognizes he's out of control, but doesn't know where to begin to do the hard work to change.</p><p></p><p>There is usually a connection between sustained drug use (even marijuana) and the onset of mental issues in adolescents. Your son's extreme lack of motivation could be fueled by a mood disorder in addition to his self medication with pot. A qualified mental health specialist would be able to determine whether that's the case, but getting your son motivated to seek help may be very difficult given he's a legal adult at 18. It's tricky, but I would encourage you to tell him he needs to be evaluated, based on his drug use, etc., but he probably will tell you he just smokes occasionally, and doesn't want to get help. If nothing changes, nothing changes.</p><p>I would counsel you to get therapy for yourself, to give you the encouragement and the tools you need to deal with all this. At some point, if your son doesn't seem motivated to help himself, you may need to make tough decisions. It doesn't help that he has a whole network of slackers surrounding him, and that he is comfortable underachieving at school and work and in his personal life. Depression and drugs saps the life out of anyone, particularly an 18 y/o who is unequipped and reluctant to see and work for positive things in his future. It's very discouraging, I know. Please try to go to a local narcotics anonymous meeting in your area, and speak to other parents who have been in your shoes, and continue posting here. All the best, and stay strong!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Calamity Jane, post: 530802, member: 13882"] Hi Amiranda, Unfortunately, there's a legacy of drug use in your son's family, and that is of concern. Your son is unmotivated, hanging out with a not-too-swift group of friends, he's floundering in school, and hanging on to his job, just barely. By saying he's sorry that he's not the son you wanted, it's either a manipulation to make you feel guilty and back off, or he recognizes he's out of control, but doesn't know where to begin to do the hard work to change. There is usually a connection between sustained drug use (even marijuana) and the onset of mental issues in adolescents. Your son's extreme lack of motivation could be fueled by a mood disorder in addition to his self medication with pot. A qualified mental health specialist would be able to determine whether that's the case, but getting your son motivated to seek help may be very difficult given he's a legal adult at 18. It's tricky, but I would encourage you to tell him he needs to be evaluated, based on his drug use, etc., but he probably will tell you he just smokes occasionally, and doesn't want to get help. If nothing changes, nothing changes. I would counsel you to get therapy for yourself, to give you the encouragement and the tools you need to deal with all this. At some point, if your son doesn't seem motivated to help himself, you may need to make tough decisions. It doesn't help that he has a whole network of slackers surrounding him, and that he is comfortable underachieving at school and work and in his personal life. Depression and drugs saps the life out of anyone, particularly an 18 y/o who is unequipped and reluctant to see and work for positive things in his future. It's very discouraging, I know. Please try to go to a local narcotics anonymous meeting in your area, and speak to other parents who have been in your shoes, and continue posting here. All the best, and stay strong! [/QUOTE]
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