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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 453797" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>The difference between enabling vs helping can, and often is, a tightwire. Sometimes you just either do what you can and still be able to live with yourself, even if you know in some way it is enabling, other times the options are so clear.</p><p></p><p>At 18, while legally an adult, in many ways he's still very much a kid. That does not excuse him, it's just the way it is. It does, however, tie your hands in how much help you can actually give him. </p><p></p><p>From your post it sounds as if, while he might be slipping, he's generally following the rules. If you sat him down and discussed it, bring his attention to it, do you think it would prompt him back on the right track again? As for the college deal, there is the difference in wanting to do something and wanting to do the work it takes to be able to do it. My kids had to take care of all their own college stuff, even Travis with his many disabilities. I figured if they want it bad enough, they'll do what it takes to make it happen, AND be less likely to just blow the opportunity. It took Travis a few years to make it happen, but he got there eventually all by himself. </p><p></p><p>However, college might be an opportunity to meet kids outside of his normal social group. I'm not saying college kids don't do drugs......cuz please we all know better. But not all of them do, and it will introduce him to more people and broaden his horizons. Community college is much cheaper and offer many programs to choose from that don't take 4 yrs to complete, and usually they're not quite as intimidating as 4 yr colleges. He can always ask which credits transfer.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I'd try the sit down talk and see what effect that has. It might be he just needs his attention drawn to the fact he's slipping once again back into old patterns of behavior.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board.</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 453797, member: 84"] The difference between enabling vs helping can, and often is, a tightwire. Sometimes you just either do what you can and still be able to live with yourself, even if you know in some way it is enabling, other times the options are so clear. At 18, while legally an adult, in many ways he's still very much a kid. That does not excuse him, it's just the way it is. It does, however, tie your hands in how much help you can actually give him. From your post it sounds as if, while he might be slipping, he's generally following the rules. If you sat him down and discussed it, bring his attention to it, do you think it would prompt him back on the right track again? As for the college deal, there is the difference in wanting to do something and wanting to do the work it takes to be able to do it. My kids had to take care of all their own college stuff, even Travis with his many disabilities. I figured if they want it bad enough, they'll do what it takes to make it happen, AND be less likely to just blow the opportunity. It took Travis a few years to make it happen, but he got there eventually all by himself. However, college might be an opportunity to meet kids outside of his normal social group. I'm not saying college kids don't do drugs......cuz please we all know better. But not all of them do, and it will introduce him to more people and broaden his horizons. Community college is much cheaper and offer many programs to choose from that don't take 4 yrs to complete, and usually they're not quite as intimidating as 4 yr colleges. He can always ask which credits transfer. If it were me, I'd try the sit down talk and see what effect that has. It might be he just needs his attention drawn to the fact he's slipping once again back into old patterns of behavior. Welcome to the board. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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