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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 455815" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>It sounds like he is trying to get on track. Your support could be the most important influence in his life and I admire your affectionate concern. </p><p></p><p>It is my belief that hanging with the "wrong crowd" often is done by default. Peers from his socio economic level may have "labeled" him as a druggie and therefore he seeks acceptance and approval from those who are below the mainstream. From experience I know this can be true and I also know that it often leads to more serious problems. If you're labeled as a "pothead" and "you don't live with your birth Mother" and certainly if "you've been homeless for awhile"....the easy child kids and their families want to avoid contact. Then you are back to the same issue of needing peer companionship and approval with-o many good choices. </p><p></p><p>In your post I honed in on two major positives that indicate he may have a chance with your help. His educational goals have stayed steady to the course...that's great! Secondly he has begun to verbalize his observations about "bad choices". That's HUGE!</p><p></p><p>Usually I am on the bandwagon for requiring therapy or rehab or evaluations. In your case I'm not so sure. I tend to think (obviously I don't know you guys, lol) that I would carefully explore therapy choices to see if there is anyone really good available for that age group. Some therapists are dumb as stumps or inexperienced etc. Anyway with two of our boys this is what I did. I researched until I found someone that I thought would be compatable and then I sat down and had a discussion. The premise of the discussion was simply "I am concerned that you don't have anyone to talk with that can help you sort through your feelings. You are on the threshold of big life changes and it is really important that you have the chance to freely express yourself. As much as I am always ready to sit and listen I know that you can't always do that with me...in face, lol, some of problem could be me! I would like you to consider spending an hour a week with XX. He is a professional with an excellent reputation. Any and everything you might share stays between the two of you. I don't get reports. Nobody will know if you are discussing the latest baseball game or working thru personal feelings.</p><p>Would you please think about that possibility? You don't have to decide right now. How about we talk about it next week?" </p><p></p><p>Teen #1 attended sessions for a month or so. He never connected or shared but said after that time I think you and Dad are wasting your money. Oh well, at least we tried. Somehow he has managed to become a self sufficient and caring adult....and only recently has talked about his issues with hs Mom and stepdad. Teen #2 formed a trusting bond with his therapist. It did not change his life course much but at least he had someone he could share with...and he still refers to her as the only person who helped him. I don't think either was wasted money because there was an avenue open to share secret concerns and feelings with-o family input. Maybe that would help in your case, too. DDD</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 455815, member: 35"] It sounds like he is trying to get on track. Your support could be the most important influence in his life and I admire your affectionate concern. It is my belief that hanging with the "wrong crowd" often is done by default. Peers from his socio economic level may have "labeled" him as a druggie and therefore he seeks acceptance and approval from those who are below the mainstream. From experience I know this can be true and I also know that it often leads to more serious problems. If you're labeled as a "pothead" and "you don't live with your birth Mother" and certainly if "you've been homeless for awhile"....the easy child kids and their families want to avoid contact. Then you are back to the same issue of needing peer companionship and approval with-o many good choices. In your post I honed in on two major positives that indicate he may have a chance with your help. His educational goals have stayed steady to the course...that's great! Secondly he has begun to verbalize his observations about "bad choices". That's HUGE! Usually I am on the bandwagon for requiring therapy or rehab or evaluations. In your case I'm not so sure. I tend to think (obviously I don't know you guys, lol) that I would carefully explore therapy choices to see if there is anyone really good available for that age group. Some therapists are dumb as stumps or inexperienced etc. Anyway with two of our boys this is what I did. I researched until I found someone that I thought would be compatable and then I sat down and had a discussion. The premise of the discussion was simply "I am concerned that you don't have anyone to talk with that can help you sort through your feelings. You are on the threshold of big life changes and it is really important that you have the chance to freely express yourself. As much as I am always ready to sit and listen I know that you can't always do that with me...in face, lol, some of problem could be me! I would like you to consider spending an hour a week with XX. He is a professional with an excellent reputation. Any and everything you might share stays between the two of you. I don't get reports. Nobody will know if you are discussing the latest baseball game or working thru personal feelings. Would you please think about that possibility? You don't have to decide right now. How about we talk about it next week?" Teen #1 attended sessions for a month or so. He never connected or shared but said after that time I think you and Dad are wasting your money. Oh well, at least we tried. Somehow he has managed to become a self sufficient and caring adult....and only recently has talked about his issues with hs Mom and stepdad. Teen #2 formed a trusting bond with his therapist. It did not change his life course much but at least he had someone he could share with...and he still refers to her as the only person who helped him. I don't think either was wasted money because there was an avenue open to share secret concerns and feelings with-o family input. Maybe that would help in your case, too. DDD [/QUOTE]
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