I'm not saying this is Asperger's, although MidwestMom & I do often agree, we so often will both 'see' it in someone's description of their child on this board. But I'm not so sure, here. It could be, or this could simply be that your son is still adapting to the changes this medication has brought him. Among those changes are the good things you report, but also the added stress of all that input, all the stuff he is now understanding and taking on board - something has to give somewhere.
Some kids do well on stimulants but it takes time for them to adapt. Other kids do brilliantly on stimulants from the first half hour. Some kids react badly to one stimulant but not to another. Some react badly to all.
Every kid is different. One thing I feel sure of, though, is I doubt your son has suddenly undergone a major permanent personality change just because of the medications.
I have a couple of questions for you - is there a chance that your expectations have increased? Were you told, "Once on these medications, the problems should be gone and he should be at last able to behave and comply."? Are you possibly now requiring more form him than you were before? Or is there a chance that your son perceives this?
It is an easy thing for us to do, to be so desperate to see some improvement, especially when it has been promised, that we ask too much before our kids are ready. or conversely, you may not be doing anything different at all, but if your son was listening in to what you were told, he may feel that you are suddenly demanding more from him.
Or another possibility which I think needs to be considered - your son is now able to focus and pay attention. But you are used to a kid who only takes on board about half of what you say, so of course to compensate, for years you have probably been saying it twice. And now you don't need to, plus now he hears you each time. so to him, your normal behaviour to him could now seem like nagging.
One point I want to make, urgently - please do not believe that your son is trying to trick you, to fool you, to put one over on you or in any way trying to be deceitful when it comes to compliance. Unless this is how he used to be, the medications won't have imposed this. But too often we see more in our kids' non-compliance than there really is. They are NOT being difficult just to annoy us or get a rise out of us. Except in very rare cases, kids WANT to be good and they WANT to please us. If you can reinforce this and praise him when he does something right (and it has to be unconditional, too) then this can positively reinforce until it can bring about drastic improvement.
I talked about unconditional praise. The same goes for unconditional apology. We sometimes forget, especially if we've felt we have to continually correct our kids because they are such a problem - kids really love to be valued, and valued without it being connected to past problems.
So here are some good examples and bad examples.
Your child has made a cake. He has found the recipe book all by himself, carefully measured it all, mixed it all up, put it into a cake tin, baked it in the oven and now has it out on the bench, cooling. OK, he's also made an unbelievable mess. But he did it partly because he wanted cake, but mostly because he wanted to surprise you.
How do you react? Please note, I am not saying which, if any, of the responses are correct because frankly, any of them can be correct, or incorrect, entirely depending on other factors not listed in this scenario.
1) "Johnny, what a mess! You know you're not supposed to use the oven or the mixer without someone supervising! You could have hurt yourself! And you have made a huge mess - I expect you to clean this up, and there's to be no TV for you for a week for being disobedient!"
OK, this is out and out chastisement. Only seeing the negative, not seeing the positive side of this at all.
2) "That's very nice of you, darling, to do this for Mummy. But I really wish you had waited for me, I could have helped you do it without it being so messy."
3) "Thank you, darling. What a lovely cake! Aren't you a clever boy!"
Now, Example 1) is classic negative only criticism. Also a very natural response, especially if the entire kitchen is now a disaster area and the smoke alarm has summoned the fire brigade.
Example 2) is the classic conditional praise example. You've said something nice, but it has strings attached. Please be aware, and watch yourself constantly, because such conditional comments are meant to be kind but when heard by kids, especially difficult child kids, all they hear is the criticism.
Example 3 is often how we have to proceed when trying to undo a lot of ODD-type damage in our kids, no matter how hard we have to grit our teeth in the process. That doesn't mean you don't at some point mention the need to clean up, but it can be done without the negativity and it can also be done without linking it to the praise.
The same goes for apology. I grew up in a home where parents were always right, even when they were clearly wrong. My parents did not want to show any weakness or lack of perfection in front of the kids. So there were times when I hated the decisions they made and I can look back now from my own position as parent and see that yes, they did make a mistake. An apology would have actually raised their esteem in my eyes. So we have made it a policy to apologise to our kids, if we get something wrong. But old habits die hard and husband sometimes 'snaps back' to making his apologies conditional. This really enrages difficult child 3 because in his eyes, a conditional apology is not an apology at all; and he feels the injustice of being required to make unconditional apologies yet never receive one.
Example - "Son, I'm sorry I spoke harshly to you; but it was because I misheard and thought you had called me something very bad. [OK so far - explanatory]. I guess it makes up for all the times when you did say something bad to me." [OK, he just messed up - that last comment totally undermines the apology by turning it into a mean remark and making reference to stuff that should by now have been resolved, you never re-hash past stuff].
When you have an ADD/ODD kid it is a real struggle. You are running a Red Queen's race, never getting anywhere no matter how hard you work at it. Then suddenly something begins to work, and all your efforts suddenly overshoot the mark. This can take time to adjust. The child needs to adjust, but so do the people around him. It's not just a matter of medications, it is the response to the medications as well as other people's responses to the changes. We are complex creatures and also part of a wider network. It's one big spiderweb of connections; tweak one part of the web and the whole thing trembles.
Now to your comments on Asperger's and your son - not all kids with Asperger's or autism are socially withdrawn. difficult child 3 is very outgoing, will talk to total strangers about his life story. Today I let difficult child 3 do as much of the interactions as possible, by himself, in his dealings with officialdom (he was applying for a Learner Driver's Permit). But I listened in, and heard him trying to joke with the official and make small talk. Being autistic, he is still not good at small talk. But it doesn't stop him from trying! He actually wasn't doing too badly, as it turned out.
When he was little, he would have walked off with a total stranger if we had let him. He likes people. He will approach people and initiate contact. But what makes difficult child 3's "social sense" more typical of autism, is his lack of understanding of what is appropriate. An important thing to realise - these kids can and do learn how to interact appropriately, but they don't learn automatically the way other kids do. They need to be taught it, the way you teach a kid how to knit.
Empathy - yes, difficult child 3 has always cried when someone else cried. I remember easy child 2/difficult child 2 at my father's funeral; she was only four years old but she sensed people were sad and I remember her going over to my sister J who was quietly crying (not obvious) and wordlessly giving her aunt a hug. She's always been a loving, cuddly child and would respond to other people's sadness. The more obvious emotions especially, would always get a matching emotional response form my kids even the ones on the spectrum. It's where the emotions are more subtle that they get it wrong. For example, if difficult child 3 is 'talking at' someone and they get that glazed over expression on their face, he just doesn't realise.
Have a look at the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on
www.childbrain.com. It's not an official diagnostic test (it can't be; it's online!) but it is very useful as a sort of informal parental screening tool. You can also print out the results (even if the score is within normal range) and take it to a doctor, because simply seeing the sort of things you are concerned about (but hadn't thought to mention perhaps) can help the doctor 'gel' ideas.
Do I think your son is Aspie? Maybe. Or maybe it's just ADHD. But some people consider ADHD to be part of the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) spectrum. Who knows? Medicine is a very inexact science. It could be a useful working hypothesis for you, however.
Whatever his diagnosis, I strongly urge you to get your hands on a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene, because it could help you a great deal with the current behaviour problems.
Regarding your concerns - it could be medication-related. He might be on too high a dose. He could he having rebound problems. He might need a different medication. Or he might need a different way of handling, on top of the new medications. I don't know, all we can do here is lay in front of you a range of possibilities, kick ideas around with you and then let you make some informed decisions. You're the one on the spot, but we can help as far as we can.
Welcome to the site, glad we can be here to help.
Marg
