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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 327300" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi. I adopted six kids. Two don't live with me anymore, so I rarely mention them. One of those boys was a victim of the other one so, when he moved to foster care and liked it there, we let him stay and now they adopted him. The other one was a sociopath. I know you're not supposed to say that about a child, but there is no other way to describe him. His official diagnosis was "Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder" but that was only after he had harmed my two youngest kids and killed a few dogs (yes, it can always be worse). </p><p></p><p>We adopt kids thinking that we can love away their pain. That was our motivation for adopting an older male child of color. We figured he was least likely to get a loving home (sometimes males of color are never adopted). Since we already had asian and black kids, we thought this child would be perfect for our family. His profile said he was a great kid. So we adopted him and loved him. He acted like an angel around us and we had no idea what he was doing behind the scenes. We were horrified when we learned.</p><p></p><p>We also adopted a six year old from Hong Kong who never gave us a problem in his entire life. He was and still is brilliant and a rule follower. He just was very detached from us. Now he's grown and we haven't seen him for four years. Nobody is sure why.</p><p></p><p>The moral of the story, we learned, is that adopting older children is a crapshoot and it is often too late to love away their pain. Some don't want love. Some are damaged by alcohol and drugs before they are born and can't feel what other kids do. Some are mean because of their pasts. Some can not be helped. The children we adopted as infants (and one who came at two) all adjusted to our family just fine and are loving individuals. The ones we adopted as older children didn't work out well. None of them. </p><p></p><p>If you want to help your child, you can take him/her to a neuropsychologist to try to assess what is psychiatric and what is neurological and what the prognosis is. </p><p></p><p>I can feel your pain and I'm sorry. I hope things improve for you. Remember, as I try to, that the child isn't at fault for the way he/she is. Still, some things are impossible to live with and the child sometimes can not live at home. Our eleven year is now nineteen and we haven't seen him since he was thirteen and we found out he was messing with the younger kids.</p><p></p><p>((((Hugs))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 327300, member: 1550"] Hi. I adopted six kids. Two don't live with me anymore, so I rarely mention them. One of those boys was a victim of the other one so, when he moved to foster care and liked it there, we let him stay and now they adopted him. The other one was a sociopath. I know you're not supposed to say that about a child, but there is no other way to describe him. His official diagnosis was "Severe Reactive Attachment Disorder" but that was only after he had harmed my two youngest kids and killed a few dogs (yes, it can always be worse). We adopt kids thinking that we can love away their pain. That was our motivation for adopting an older male child of color. We figured he was least likely to get a loving home (sometimes males of color are never adopted). Since we already had asian and black kids, we thought this child would be perfect for our family. His profile said he was a great kid. So we adopted him and loved him. He acted like an angel around us and we had no idea what he was doing behind the scenes. We were horrified when we learned. We also adopted a six year old from Hong Kong who never gave us a problem in his entire life. He was and still is brilliant and a rule follower. He just was very detached from us. Now he's grown and we haven't seen him for four years. Nobody is sure why. The moral of the story, we learned, is that adopting older children is a crapshoot and it is often too late to love away their pain. Some don't want love. Some are damaged by alcohol and drugs before they are born and can't feel what other kids do. Some are mean because of their pasts. Some can not be helped. The children we adopted as infants (and one who came at two) all adjusted to our family just fine and are loving individuals. The ones we adopted as older children didn't work out well. None of them. If you want to help your child, you can take him/her to a neuropsychologist to try to assess what is psychiatric and what is neurological and what the prognosis is. I can feel your pain and I'm sorry. I hope things improve for you. Remember, as I try to, that the child isn't at fault for the way he/she is. Still, some things are impossible to live with and the child sometimes can not live at home. Our eleven year is now nineteen and we haven't seen him since he was thirteen and we found out he was messing with the younger kids. ((((Hugs)))) [/QUOTE]
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