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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 422813" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>If you saw the post about plagiocephaly, you saw my reply to that poster - that this condition is associated with later developmental problems.</p><p></p><p>So I think you should ask your son's doctor for a referral for a neuropsychologist evaluation based on both his current behavioral problems (tell the doctor your son says he "wants to die" - this is not normal behavior in addition to most of the other stuff) and the history of plagiocephaly. I would also tell the doctor that you are concerned that your husband is getting very frustrated with your son and you are worried about this. All these things should ring alarm bells with the doctor and get you prompt help. A neuropsychologist evaluation is best because it is very comprehensive and will include evaluation of any neurological issues that may be the result of the plagiocephaly. It should also give you some recommendations for further evaluation for things like speech or Occupational Therapist (OT) and for interventions.</p><p></p><p>A child psychiatrist may also be an appropriate referral but they tend to focus on medication treatment these days. Whether your son would benefit from medications is hard to say but having his difficult behaviors at least documented is helpful. And it's likely the psychiatrist will believe you about his behavior shifting between home and school. However, it's not easy to diagnose major psychiatric disorders in most young children because the range of "normal" behavior can be very wide.</p><p></p><p>If you didn't read Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" but just attended a lecture, I encourage you to actually read the book and see if there's some concrete ideas in there that you will find helpful. A lecture is a good starting place but the book will take you far beyond what you heard in a lecture. I don't mean to say it will "fix" everything. Just that some of the practical ideas like breaking things into "baskets" as a way of thinking about the problems you are facing can help you feel less overwhelmed and be more consistent.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps targeting just one or two behaviors that are most disruptive when your husband is home will be the most helpful right now. In general when dealing with explosive kids you are right about needing to stay calm and controlled as an adult. Often the more anger you direct at them the more rage you get back. it's almost like a mirror - what they receive they return magnified. Perhaps your husband can use that analogy to help him change his own behaviors. Get him tor read "the Explosive Child" too and then work with you on ways to apply those ideas to your situation.</p><p></p><p>When my spouse and I are feeling overwhelmed and want to "run away" we ask ourselves "Are we really going to let a child destroy our marriage? Are we going to give that child that power in our lives? Or are we going to defend our marriage and strengthen it into something deeper?" For us the answer has always been - NO, we will not let a kid break us up. When you look at it that way it can help you shift your perspective and stand together regardless of the way your child is behaving. You are the adults who understand that you now get to act like adults - even though it is hard right now.</p><p></p><p>Therapy for you and your husband is definitely called for - both to support your efforts to work effectively with your son but also to help your marriage. Having a difficult child is really hard on everyone in a family and your husband is not alone in his frustration. If you are not in agreement over the way to respond to your son then it's important that you get help working that out. You must present a united front and deliver discipline and enforce limits as consistently as you can. Your husband must be reconciled to the fact that these behaviors are probably not going to go away overnight and it may be a long process to figure out the best approach to dealing with them.</p><p></p><p>Call everyone on the list your behavioral health folks gave you. Often only a few will call you back, most will be full or you will find that they are not suitable for one reason or another. So cast a wide net. And you definitely want someone who has lots of experience treating young children - preferably specializes in treating children - as therapist for your son. A separate couples or family therapist is good - try to screen them for ones who say they have experience working with families who are coping with children with severe behavioral problems.</p><p></p><p>How is your son in terms of academic expectations? Is he keeping up OK?</p><p></p><p>It is very hard on everyone to have a difficult child in the family. Spend time if you are able nurturing your relationship with your husband and with your other child and it will pay off. Spending time taking care of yourself is important too.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure you will get lots of helpful advice from other folks on the board. Take what is helpful and leave the rest. We all see other people's issues through the lens of our personal experience. It may or may not be a "perfect fit".</p><p></p><p>Best wishes,</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p><p></p><p>ps: If you can go to Settings and add a signature that would be helpful. See other poster's signatures for examples. Don't use info that could be easily used to identify your family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 422813, member: 7948"] If you saw the post about plagiocephaly, you saw my reply to that poster - that this condition is associated with later developmental problems. So I think you should ask your son's doctor for a referral for a neuropsychologist evaluation based on both his current behavioral problems (tell the doctor your son says he "wants to die" - this is not normal behavior in addition to most of the other stuff) and the history of plagiocephaly. I would also tell the doctor that you are concerned that your husband is getting very frustrated with your son and you are worried about this. All these things should ring alarm bells with the doctor and get you prompt help. A neuropsychologist evaluation is best because it is very comprehensive and will include evaluation of any neurological issues that may be the result of the plagiocephaly. It should also give you some recommendations for further evaluation for things like speech or Occupational Therapist (OT) and for interventions. A child psychiatrist may also be an appropriate referral but they tend to focus on medication treatment these days. Whether your son would benefit from medications is hard to say but having his difficult behaviors at least documented is helpful. And it's likely the psychiatrist will believe you about his behavior shifting between home and school. However, it's not easy to diagnose major psychiatric disorders in most young children because the range of "normal" behavior can be very wide. If you didn't read Ross Greene's book "The Explosive Child" but just attended a lecture, I encourage you to actually read the book and see if there's some concrete ideas in there that you will find helpful. A lecture is a good starting place but the book will take you far beyond what you heard in a lecture. I don't mean to say it will "fix" everything. Just that some of the practical ideas like breaking things into "baskets" as a way of thinking about the problems you are facing can help you feel less overwhelmed and be more consistent. Perhaps targeting just one or two behaviors that are most disruptive when your husband is home will be the most helpful right now. In general when dealing with explosive kids you are right about needing to stay calm and controlled as an adult. Often the more anger you direct at them the more rage you get back. it's almost like a mirror - what they receive they return magnified. Perhaps your husband can use that analogy to help him change his own behaviors. Get him tor read "the Explosive Child" too and then work with you on ways to apply those ideas to your situation. When my spouse and I are feeling overwhelmed and want to "run away" we ask ourselves "Are we really going to let a child destroy our marriage? Are we going to give that child that power in our lives? Or are we going to defend our marriage and strengthen it into something deeper?" For us the answer has always been - NO, we will not let a kid break us up. When you look at it that way it can help you shift your perspective and stand together regardless of the way your child is behaving. You are the adults who understand that you now get to act like adults - even though it is hard right now. Therapy for you and your husband is definitely called for - both to support your efforts to work effectively with your son but also to help your marriage. Having a difficult child is really hard on everyone in a family and your husband is not alone in his frustration. If you are not in agreement over the way to respond to your son then it's important that you get help working that out. You must present a united front and deliver discipline and enforce limits as consistently as you can. Your husband must be reconciled to the fact that these behaviors are probably not going to go away overnight and it may be a long process to figure out the best approach to dealing with them. Call everyone on the list your behavioral health folks gave you. Often only a few will call you back, most will be full or you will find that they are not suitable for one reason or another. So cast a wide net. And you definitely want someone who has lots of experience treating young children - preferably specializes in treating children - as therapist for your son. A separate couples or family therapist is good - try to screen them for ones who say they have experience working with families who are coping with children with severe behavioral problems. How is your son in terms of academic expectations? Is he keeping up OK? It is very hard on everyone to have a difficult child in the family. Spend time if you are able nurturing your relationship with your husband and with your other child and it will pay off. Spending time taking care of yourself is important too. I'm sure you will get lots of helpful advice from other folks on the board. Take what is helpful and leave the rest. We all see other people's issues through the lens of our personal experience. It may or may not be a "perfect fit". Best wishes, Patricia ps: If you can go to Settings and add a signature that would be helpful. See other poster's signatures for examples. Don't use info that could be easily used to identify your family. [/QUOTE]
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