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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 422816" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>I thought of a practical thing to share that will work if you do it consistently.</p><p></p><p>Do not argue with your difficult child. You are teaching him to argue when you do that.</p><p></p><p>Instead of talking - ACT.</p><p></p><p>If he is making a scene in the store issue one warning - we will leave if you do not stop.</p><p></p><p>Then, when he doesn't stop, you leave. You do not issue a second warning, you do not hedge and give in to him. You do not discuss it. You just turn the basket around, drop it at the front of the store telling them you are leaving and then you leave. You do not argue with him on the way out and you do not give in if he says he will be good. You just walk to the car, open the doors and get in. You don't keep telling him what's happening. Action is what will send your message - not words.</p><p></p><p>You are doing what you said you would do and he has to learn that you mean what you say.</p><p></p><p>This is likely to be much more effective in stopping the difficult behaviors than anything else.</p><p></p><p>If he starts having a tantrum or fighting with his sister in the car - you pull over and refuse to continue until he stops.</p><p></p><p>Yes, it is annoying. Yes, it means you may not get somewhere on time or that you will have to make a second trip to the store.</p><p></p><p>But the alternative is to teach your son that he will get his way if he makes a big enough scene. This is not something that is going to serve him well as an adult even if you were willing to endure it for the next 12 years.</p><p></p><p>Once you have done this consistently several times, I can pretty much guarantee you that your son will usually stop after the first warning.</p><p></p><p>And I would start keeping a diary or chart of his behaviors to share with the neuropsychologist or child psychiatrist. Each day, if you can, list how much he slept that day, give a number rating his up/active mood and his down/quiet mood separately, the number, length and severity of tantrums, if you can figure out the trigger what that was, his overall irritability, if he was sick or something unusual happened like a day off from school. Keeping track like this will get you lots of points with all the docs because it is concrete and spans a period of time. Think about it from the doctor's point of view - you come in with a daily record covering a month that shows a 2 hour temper tantrum every day when he comes home from school on days that he only slept 5 hours. Or you come in and sit there saying "well he's very out of control and has long tantrums".</p><p></p><p>Patricia</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 422816, member: 7948"] I thought of a practical thing to share that will work if you do it consistently. Do not argue with your difficult child. You are teaching him to argue when you do that. Instead of talking - ACT. If he is making a scene in the store issue one warning - we will leave if you do not stop. Then, when he doesn't stop, you leave. You do not issue a second warning, you do not hedge and give in to him. You do not discuss it. You just turn the basket around, drop it at the front of the store telling them you are leaving and then you leave. You do not argue with him on the way out and you do not give in if he says he will be good. You just walk to the car, open the doors and get in. You don't keep telling him what's happening. Action is what will send your message - not words. You are doing what you said you would do and he has to learn that you mean what you say. This is likely to be much more effective in stopping the difficult behaviors than anything else. If he starts having a tantrum or fighting with his sister in the car - you pull over and refuse to continue until he stops. Yes, it is annoying. Yes, it means you may not get somewhere on time or that you will have to make a second trip to the store. But the alternative is to teach your son that he will get his way if he makes a big enough scene. This is not something that is going to serve him well as an adult even if you were willing to endure it for the next 12 years. Once you have done this consistently several times, I can pretty much guarantee you that your son will usually stop after the first warning. And I would start keeping a diary or chart of his behaviors to share with the neuropsychologist or child psychiatrist. Each day, if you can, list how much he slept that day, give a number rating his up/active mood and his down/quiet mood separately, the number, length and severity of tantrums, if you can figure out the trigger what that was, his overall irritability, if he was sick or something unusual happened like a day off from school. Keeping track like this will get you lots of points with all the docs because it is concrete and spans a period of time. Think about it from the doctor's point of view - you come in with a daily record covering a month that shows a 2 hour temper tantrum every day when he comes home from school on days that he only slept 5 hours. Or you come in and sit there saying "well he's very out of control and has long tantrums". Patricia [/QUOTE]
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