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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 44264" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>A few more thoughts (sorry, I'm verbose today).</p><p></p><p>MWM, if I said the diagnosis doesn't matter, it would have been in the context of day to day coping. Sorry if I was unclear. My point - yes, a diagnosis can make a BIG difference in the amount of support you can get through official channels; and if you happen to need that degree of support, then yes you go and get the most appropriate (and most serious, sorry!) label you can get your child to qualify for. It's a very negative way of doing it, I feel, because this is only looking at how bad things are, and what the child can't do; but it has to be done to get the support.</p><p></p><p>But day to day coping - the label doesn't matter anywhere near as much, because all you need is some understanding in yourself. Yes, the right label can help there, but even if you have your suspicions and can't get anyone to officially diagnose (or you're still waiting for an appointment) you can still start to deal with what you see every day. Sometimes what you feel needs to be dealt with, isn't connected to their official label. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 only has a label of ADD (inattentive-type). But over the last few days especially, she has needed more support than usual. She gets angry and upset, we have to know how to deflect her so we can calm her and THEN deal with the problem (if there really is one). She forgot to take her printed assignment to college last night, when it was due. She'd had it since the night before, she just didn't organise herself properly (another facet of her problems). She was text-messaging BF2 for emotional support, he texted back the suggestion that she use her afternoon off today to hand the assignment in; it means a bit of extra driving, that's all. And that she shouldn't text during class!</p><p>She got home and was irritable at every little thing as soon as she came in the door. She was snapping at her father, then insisting she wasn't being snappy, but us suggesting it was making her snappy, so it was our fault. Then she burst into tears. Even though she had a good plan in place, the accumulated stress is something she doesn't deal with (she should be better than this, at 20).</p><p>husband could have got defensive - his authority was being questioned. Instead, he shut up and waited for the storm, when her tears surfaced. They had been the real problem.</p><p>End result - she talked when she needed to, instead of running off crying that we were being mean.</p><p>Basically, we treat her as we do, day to day, based on our understanding of how she copes (and doesn't cope). The diagnosis makes no difference here, we have to ignore it because it doesn't explain this.</p><p></p><p>So when it comes to finding the right person to see, to get a diagnosis reassessed - MWM is the person to pay attention to. Australia is a bit too different. But when it comes to finding your own ways to cope, including lateral thinking - others here have done it too, but our very simplistic health system in this area means that our family has the Masters degree.</p><p></p><p>Back to topic - I have an idea about the swallowing. Did you realise that this is an area specifically for Speech Pathologists? They work with patients with swallowing problems for all sorts of reasons. My mother had one working with her, after a stroke. Babies with cerebral palsy. And kids with sensitivity problems due to textures. So what I suggest - follow advice about checking diagnosis, separately. In the meantime, deal with the symptoms. Swallowing is one symptom.</p><p></p><p>If his younger brother has language delay, chances are you already have a Speech Pathologist on speed dial. Begin by asking that person if they have any advice on the swallowing difficulty in your older son. Then see where it takes you.</p><p></p><p>My kids are fussy about textures in food. difficult child 3 especially will not eat anything with a creamy texture, except yogurt. If it has cream in it he won't eat it (unless it's ice cream). No custard. No gravy. He will eat mashed potato, but he prefers it if I give him his potato pieces before I mash the rest. easy child was the same. I grew up in a household where I HAD to eat what was put in front of me, and even though my mother knew I hated certain foods, she still served them up because she had a large family to feed and she couldn't cater to just one child. If anyone was catered to, it was my father because he was the breadwinner, he deserved to have what he liked.</p><p></p><p>So I'm very aware of how a kid feels, when asked to ingest something they feel they can't handle. And if he has trouble taking his medication, there may be some practical ways to help. However, there are likely to be psychological reasons too (ie upset at having to take ADHD medications), which need to be resolved before you can resolve the swallowing problem in general.</p><p>He needs to be able to swallow the medications, not just for ADHD, but for other conditions.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was on dex fast acting when he was 3. There was only a tablet option, and the older kids tell me those tablets are BITTER! But difficult child 3 chewed them up happily, called them his "crunch tablets" (at least, that's what he called them when he began to talk). He swallows them now, which is a good think since two of his tablets now are slow-acting, but he prefers to take them dry. Because of his medications, he's always been good with other medications too, taking antibiotic capsules instead of liquid. A good thing, because the liquids are creamy; they have weird flavours; that have colours that he is allergic to.</p><p></p><p>While you're waiting to talk to the Speech Pathologist, here is a thought - it worked for us when difficult child 3 was 3 and about to start on medications. We got a box of mini-M&Ms and had him practice swallowing those, When he'd got the knack of swallowing, he was rewarded by having the rest of the box. There are other sweets, such as musk cachous; those silver cachous you decorate cakes with; tic tacs - whatever you use, make sure it has a strong flavour that he likes, because even swallowing them whole, he WILL notice. But don't force it - if he can't, he can't.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 hates taking his tablets because he hates the flavour - he uses cordial concentrate (raspberry or lime) to wash them down. But you have to be able to swallow, and I really think this is going to take an expert to help. Anxiety will make tablets harder to swallow - do you remember being in the principal's office as a kid, and not even being able to swallow your own saliva? You feel the lump in your throat when you're upset, how can you swallow anything? Then anxiety brings in fear of choking when you try, and it gets worse; it cycles round and round in a negative spiral.</p><p></p><p>And after she was so upset last night, I had a hard time trying to feed easy child 2/difficult child 2. She was calming down, but still having trouble swallowing. She finally ate about half her dinner, it was chicken schnitzel which she really likes. But even that was difficult.</p><p></p><p>So hang in there, we've all thrown in some good ideas - now you just have to start channelling Mother Theresa!</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 44264, member: 1991"] A few more thoughts (sorry, I'm verbose today). MWM, if I said the diagnosis doesn't matter, it would have been in the context of day to day coping. Sorry if I was unclear. My point - yes, a diagnosis can make a BIG difference in the amount of support you can get through official channels; and if you happen to need that degree of support, then yes you go and get the most appropriate (and most serious, sorry!) label you can get your child to qualify for. It's a very negative way of doing it, I feel, because this is only looking at how bad things are, and what the child can't do; but it has to be done to get the support. But day to day coping - the label doesn't matter anywhere near as much, because all you need is some understanding in yourself. Yes, the right label can help there, but even if you have your suspicions and can't get anyone to officially diagnose (or you're still waiting for an appointment) you can still start to deal with what you see every day. Sometimes what you feel needs to be dealt with, isn't connected to their official label. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 only has a label of ADD (inattentive-type). But over the last few days especially, she has needed more support than usual. She gets angry and upset, we have to know how to deflect her so we can calm her and THEN deal with the problem (if there really is one). She forgot to take her printed assignment to college last night, when it was due. She'd had it since the night before, she just didn't organise herself properly (another facet of her problems). She was text-messaging BF2 for emotional support, he texted back the suggestion that she use her afternoon off today to hand the assignment in; it means a bit of extra driving, that's all. And that she shouldn't text during class! She got home and was irritable at every little thing as soon as she came in the door. She was snapping at her father, then insisting she wasn't being snappy, but us suggesting it was making her snappy, so it was our fault. Then she burst into tears. Even though she had a good plan in place, the accumulated stress is something she doesn't deal with (she should be better than this, at 20). husband could have got defensive - his authority was being questioned. Instead, he shut up and waited for the storm, when her tears surfaced. They had been the real problem. End result - she talked when she needed to, instead of running off crying that we were being mean. Basically, we treat her as we do, day to day, based on our understanding of how she copes (and doesn't cope). The diagnosis makes no difference here, we have to ignore it because it doesn't explain this. So when it comes to finding the right person to see, to get a diagnosis reassessed - MWM is the person to pay attention to. Australia is a bit too different. But when it comes to finding your own ways to cope, including lateral thinking - others here have done it too, but our very simplistic health system in this area means that our family has the Masters degree. Back to topic - I have an idea about the swallowing. Did you realise that this is an area specifically for Speech Pathologists? They work with patients with swallowing problems for all sorts of reasons. My mother had one working with her, after a stroke. Babies with cerebral palsy. And kids with sensitivity problems due to textures. So what I suggest - follow advice about checking diagnosis, separately. In the meantime, deal with the symptoms. Swallowing is one symptom. If his younger brother has language delay, chances are you already have a Speech Pathologist on speed dial. Begin by asking that person if they have any advice on the swallowing difficulty in your older son. Then see where it takes you. My kids are fussy about textures in food. difficult child 3 especially will not eat anything with a creamy texture, except yogurt. If it has cream in it he won't eat it (unless it's ice cream). No custard. No gravy. He will eat mashed potato, but he prefers it if I give him his potato pieces before I mash the rest. easy child was the same. I grew up in a household where I HAD to eat what was put in front of me, and even though my mother knew I hated certain foods, she still served them up because she had a large family to feed and she couldn't cater to just one child. If anyone was catered to, it was my father because he was the breadwinner, he deserved to have what he liked. So I'm very aware of how a kid feels, when asked to ingest something they feel they can't handle. And if he has trouble taking his medication, there may be some practical ways to help. However, there are likely to be psychological reasons too (ie upset at having to take ADHD medications), which need to be resolved before you can resolve the swallowing problem in general. He needs to be able to swallow the medications, not just for ADHD, but for other conditions. difficult child 3 was on dex fast acting when he was 3. There was only a tablet option, and the older kids tell me those tablets are BITTER! But difficult child 3 chewed them up happily, called them his "crunch tablets" (at least, that's what he called them when he began to talk). He swallows them now, which is a good think since two of his tablets now are slow-acting, but he prefers to take them dry. Because of his medications, he's always been good with other medications too, taking antibiotic capsules instead of liquid. A good thing, because the liquids are creamy; they have weird flavours; that have colours that he is allergic to. While you're waiting to talk to the Speech Pathologist, here is a thought - it worked for us when difficult child 3 was 3 and about to start on medications. We got a box of mini-M&Ms and had him practice swallowing those, When he'd got the knack of swallowing, he was rewarded by having the rest of the box. There are other sweets, such as musk cachous; those silver cachous you decorate cakes with; tic tacs - whatever you use, make sure it has a strong flavour that he likes, because even swallowing them whole, he WILL notice. But don't force it - if he can't, he can't. difficult child 1 hates taking his tablets because he hates the flavour - he uses cordial concentrate (raspberry or lime) to wash them down. But you have to be able to swallow, and I really think this is going to take an expert to help. Anxiety will make tablets harder to swallow - do you remember being in the principal's office as a kid, and not even being able to swallow your own saliva? You feel the lump in your throat when you're upset, how can you swallow anything? Then anxiety brings in fear of choking when you try, and it gets worse; it cycles round and round in a negative spiral. And after she was so upset last night, I had a hard time trying to feed easy child 2/difficult child 2. She was calming down, but still having trouble swallowing. She finally ate about half her dinner, it was chicken schnitzel which she really likes. But even that was difficult. So hang in there, we've all thrown in some good ideas - now you just have to start channelling Mother Theresa! Marg [/QUOTE]
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