so my 25 y/o difficult child daughter and i are not speaking, again. i'm just... devastated and empty and so completely at a loss for what to do. i don't have a good female role model. there are things a good mother should do and say here but i don't know what they are. i have tried to tell her i love her, and that as long as she is willing to keep working on having a good relationship with me, i am willing too. today she said she's done. and for reasons that just don't make any sense to me. a little background... even before her major mental health issues at 16, my daughter often seemed to live in her own world. we called her "world o' fantasy," and it was basically constructed of her ideals and expectations. but no one could ever live up to them, least of all me. when she broke mentally, she broke hard, for two years. i wouldn't wish what we went through on my worst enemy. that didn't ease until her nearly successful suicide attempt. then she finally allowed me to get her twice-weekly psychologist visits, with medication and once-monthly psychiatrist visits. she did well for a while, and eventually opted to wean herself off the medications and therapy. today she has moments of real maturity and lucidity, mixed with sheer world o' fantasy moments. she hits me with descriptions of her childhood that change with each telling. things that i know for a fact are wildly incorrect, outright made up or just plain wrong. but she works herself into believing it all, hurts from it, and gathers support from others in the process. she demonizes me in her descriptions, and after a lifetime of uncalled-for abuse from my parents and brother, it's hard for me to handle this. she's been through three mental hospitals, all when she was under 18. we got six different diagnoses for her, at least three of which fell in the group of personality disorders. but being under 18, a firm diagnosis could not be made. from what i have read, she seems to most closely fit borderline. certainly "walking on eggshells" is how many describe feeling when they're around her. i myself have higher than normal cortisol levels from perpetually high levels of adrenaline. in other words, i expect to be stressed, i expect attacks to come out of nowhere. i live life walking on eggshells. i have never doubted that a good many of her issues stem from me. sometimes good intentions just aren't enough. i hate that she's so miserable. i hate the role i've played in that. i fear for her future, though right now things are pretty decent for her. she married a wonderful man, from a good family, and they have two kids. she's a good mother, if a bit obsessive. what scares me is that a few times her husband has contacted me privately to ask why she's so... irrational. and what in the world can i say? as far as i know she hasn't told him about her mental health history. my family prefers to pretend none of it ever happened. i certainly can't be the one to tell him - i won't interfere in her life like that. but i know she doesn't have the best grip on reality and really needs to be back in therapy. i'm scared her husband is going to get tired of walking on eggshells around her and dealing with her irrationality. i'm scared he is going to give up on her and take the kids. she has alienated virtually everyone in our family - if he leaves she'll have no one but me, and that scares me too. i want to have a relationship with her. i want to see her stay in her marriage. i want to see her go back in therapy because i think it's the best chance she has at finding some inner peace. does anyone have any advice, or a comparable situation? how do parents of difficult adult children maintain relationships? is it too late to provide help that will encourage them to be better, stronger, healthier adults?