New here to forum - experience with-courts needed

[Nancy]

The magistrate talked to her about that at her hearing. We actually had to go before the magistrate twice because the first time he gave her probation and then more charges were filed. He told her that she could be ordered to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I was very worried about that posssibility because she already had adoption issues and was convinced we didn't love her and would abandon her just like her birthmother and I think an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would have just reinforced that. Her bond with us was very tenuous and could have been completely severed without much trouble.

From the sounds of it, you have expended a great deal of expense just as we have over the years. Her college fund and much more has been spent on therapists(most of who were completely unable to reach her), doctors, testing, and medications. The thought of having to refinance our house to send her to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and having my other daughter's college fund threatened was almost too much to consider. I had reconciled that if that's what it came down to I had to be prepared that it would severely damage our relationship. I have several acquaintences who have sent their teens to Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s and frankly none of them have turned out very well. I'm sure there are good places but we didn't have the time or money to try them out to find the right one.

I will say that the ages 13-15 were by far the worst. We prayed we could get her through those years until her brain matured somewhat and she was able to see where her life was headed. We had no clue whether that time would come, but the closer she got to 16 the better things got. She looks back now on the kids she was hanging with in freshman year, two of the girls are pregnant, two had abortions, several of the guys have dropped out of school, one has been sent away somewhere, one of them is going to be a father, and none of them will be going on to college. She was unable to see that back then, but now it's very clear.

Nancy

 

[Peaceful]

Thanks Nancy. We too have spent over $150K on her so far and are tapped out. Isn't it a shame?

Her therapist said to be prepared that if juvie doesn't work that we may need to allow the courts to make her a ward of the state. Our ins doesn't cover RTCs and we will not mortgage our house or take our son's future from him for this. We feel very secure in the knowledge that we've tried absolutely everything at our disposal - and now the courts - and if it doesn't work, we can't help her. I know two kids who did benefit from going to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but most don't. I think the key is that for the ones it worked for, their parents stayed in touch and were exceptionally active in their care and treatment plans. My oldest sister was also in a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for a long time. She stayed close to the family but has definitely had a hard road and now that's she 51 she's doing better. But my mom said she'd do the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) again in a second becasue although it took this long for my sister to get it, it would have taken longer or she'd be dead if they hadn't done it back then (this was in the 70's).

It's a gamble isn't it?

Peaceful

 

[Nancy]

Yes it certainly is a gamble. We were told the same thing about being prepared to have her made a ward of the stae. The problem is in Ohio to do that you had to be charged and have your rights taken away. If that happened my husband would not have been able to practice law anymore. So we were between a rock and a hard place. We could not afford to pay for an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) ourselves and could not afford to have her made a ward of the state. We were terrified that the court would order her to Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and terrified that they wouldn't. Not a good place to be.

Keep me informed on what happens. This Friday is her hearing?

Nancy

 

[Peaceful]

Friday is the hearing. We were told that relinguishing custody would not involve charges against us. But we would have to provide health ins of some sort or another and pay child support to the state. Is this not what you were told? Also, would it have anything to do with me being the victim of the assualt/violence? Was your daughter's charges related to someone in the home? There's also a whole slew of revised code for juvenile offenders going into effect as of 1-1-08.

Peaceful

 

[Nancy]

Hmmm, the first time she appeared in court the charges were unruly behavior. Those were dismissed and she was put on probation. The second time the charges were actually brought by our local police but it was because I called them on her. It involved using drugs(snorting alcohol) and stealing alcohol and drinking. It was in a house near the school where a lot of kids skipped school and went one day. I found out and parked in the drive, called the police, and waited until they came.

We were told the only way we could relinquish custody was to have charges filed against us for abandonment. We didn't want the state taking custody and telling us how much we had to pay. If she were ordered into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) the we wanted to be the ones to decide which one since we would end up paying for it either through support or privately.

Anxious to see the new revised codes going into effect. husband does not deal in juvenile law so we are not up to date on it. What sort of changes are there?

Nancy

 

[Peaceful]

Right now I'm considered the victim of the violence and I've been offered assistance as the victim and the court can ask for a victim impact statement. I'm waiting it out right now on that.

In Lake County they seem to do an order to remand her into the state's custody (not sure of the exact wording) after a period of not getting better. But they want the parents involved and at every hearing or meeting involving the juvenile. I'm not sure yet if she could keep her psychiatrist and therapist but it seems like that's a possibility for continuity of care.

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Peaceful

 

[susiestar]

Welcome. sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. I also filed charges against my son for violence. I had to have him removed by the sheriff. It was horrible, but the end result has been very good.

I am sending you hugs and prayers. We also use Love and Logic Parenting. If/when you have time, the one day conferences are SOOO worth the price. I have not been to the longer ones, but hope to. I saw Dr. Charles Fay (the dad) and he is just the nicest, most caring man. He took time during a break to talk to me about my son and suggest some ways to help.

I also listen to the audio downloads on the love & logic website as a boost sometimes.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[Peaceful]

I forgot to answer about the revised code. It's the entire juvenile section but I'm not sure of what it was vs what it is. Sorry!

psychiatrist called and left me a message tonight (yes, on a Sunday evening!) because I sent him an email asking about a lithium check before the court date and if he would continue her care if at all possible if it came to remanding her to the state. He said he definitely intends to stick with her and us through whatever it takes. What a Godsend! He's the best. We're very blessed.

Peaceful

 

[Peaceful]

Susie, thank you so much for sharing your experience. It's nice to hear filing charges helped.

I would love to go to a L&L conference. I have 2 DVDs and a whole series from the book on CD. They seem like great people and their method is sound. It's very similar to how I was raised.

Thank you for your hugs and prayers. I'm anxious to see how it goes on Friday. I hope daughter holds it together and doesn't end up in husband but I have placed my faith in God and the system and that is comforting.

Peaceful