New here - VERY difficult ds

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by AUDMama, Apr 12, 2009.

  1. AUDMama

    AUDMama New Member

    Hello, I am new here. My ds is 4y 8m. His history: born full term, diagnosis with allergic collitis at age 6m, was on Neocate, Prevacid, Miralax until age 15m, took a while to eat solids due to swallowing problems from his reflux; Had 4 sets of tubes, had a cholesteatoma (middle ear tumor) removed at age 2 years, was fit with glasses at age 2 years; continues to have eczema. Has a VERY high pain threshold and currently complains of headaches.

    His personality: OMG. He's as sweet as he is mean. He is infuriating. I have been to a counselor about him - he's difficult to be around because he ***** the life out of the room. I suspect ODD and ADD. He will intentionally bother his brother or anyone else, he backtalks unbelievably, is disrespectful, and is vindicitive. He said he wishes we could just kill our dog because he barks so much. He's determined - he wanted to learn how to snap, so he practiced until he had blisters on his middle fingers, but can now snap. Taught himself to whistle; has amazing balance; very opinionated.

    Things he does: obsessive hand sniffing after touching anything, occasional hand flap when excited, hits, kicks, raises his hand to me when angry, punches the wall, stomps, name calls (currently, I am a meanie poopy head) -- does NONE of this at school.

    Disciplines: less talking to him (he knows why he is in trouble), time outs, ignoring or refusing to participate in verbal banter that is only bickering, letting him know my "no" is the "final answer', but he pushes my buttons so hard it's all I can do to walk away. He is infuriating beyond the norm.

    Because of his hx of allergies, my first step is return to the allergist to rule out other allergies. There appears to be no one in our area that can evaluate a child his age psychologically. I am really at a loss. I am happy to hear any suggestions.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi AudMama. I'm glad you found us. These difficult little darlin's definitely do zap the life out of their moms!

    We're only parents here--not diagnosticians--but as I was reading through your description some things did jump out at me. If this were my child I would want a thorough evaluation done on him, including for Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)'s can be easy to miss on young children (especially if they're on the fence or atypical diagnostically) and since you're seeing some hand flapping, obsessive behavior, behavioral problems, and some possible indications of sensory integration problems, I think it's important that you have some professionals take a look beyond just a psychologist for behavioral help. It's not uncommon to have to travel to a larger city to a Children's or University hospital but I promise you it's worth taking a hard look up front and not just trying to go about addressing the behaviors without having a grasp on what's contributing to the behaviors.

    Here's an article on how to approach your pediatrician to ask for an evaluation. Parents here have found developmental pediatricians, pediatric neuropsychologists, and Autism Clinics to overall be more reliable in diagnosing Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)'s than others. You would also want an evaluation in the areas of audiology, speech/language, and pediatric occupational therapy.

    Please note: while this info is specific to Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)'s and none of us really know if that's the direction you need to be looking, the same basic evaluation process will be helpful in digging up info no matter what you're dealing with.

    You might want to read up on Sensory Integration Dysfunction as you might see some clues to the obsessive hand sniffing, high pain tolerance, being bothered by the dog barking, and perhaps even the swallowing problems. If this article below rings a bell at all then check out the book "The Out of Sync Child" by Carol Kranowitz.

    We always recommend that new parents check out the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene and read the thread about adapting it to young children at the top of this board. It will give you some parenting strategies to help deal with the difficult behaviors while you work on finding out what--if anything--is behind them.

    Is he lining up toys or household objects in straight lines or formations?
    What's his speech like? Any delays or advanced, more adult sounding speech?
    How's he getting along with other kids his age?

    I hope you can find some help with the allergies. I suffered miserably as a child on into adulthood. I'm much better now, thanks to years of allergy shots, the right medications and (to my surprise) a year of chiropractic which eliminated pesky asthma symptoms.

    Hope this helps,
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2009
  3. Josie

    Josie Active Member

    Because he had allergic colitis as an infant, I would try eliminating all milk from his diet and see if his behaviour problems and symptoms go away. I would also consider eliminating gluten to see what happens. I've seen studies that say something like 30% of migraine sufferers see improvement on the gluten free diet. You probably will have a hard time finding a mainstream doctor to agree that this is worthwhile, but if you try it, you will quickly see whether it works or not.

    My daughter didn't have any known allergies to milk as an infant, but her ODD disappears when she avoids milk and gluten. I would think that someone with a recognized allergy to milk as a baby would have an increased chance of this happening.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    We can help here. You've had good advice already.

    To add - if you look at the top of this part of the forum you will see some stickies dealing with "The Explosive Child" and adapting it to younger children.

    get the book. Read the stickies. It has a good chance of helping. You can apply the same techniques to other kids. It does make life easier, if it works. I found it a lot easier tan I expected - no charts, no sticker sheets - just a different way of seeing my child and supporting him.

    Stick around. This is a good place.

  5. AUDMama

    AUDMama New Member

    Thanks for your advice. I don't believe he's on the autism spectrum at all - I evaluate these kids often myself. He has no developmental delays. I have considered some sensory integration problems as well.

    I talked to his pediatrician yesterday, as he is on sinus infection #4 this year due to his allergies. I believe I will return to our allergist for a new panel, since the last time he was tested, he was 1. I have tried fish oil with him - he can swallow the capsules with out any problems! He's on Omnicef, Xyzal, and Nasonex right now.

    I am very glad to have found this website. Ds had a rough day today and was unable to cope with his cousins. I truly believe he is ADHD - more of impulsivity than anything with ODD.

    I appreciate the articles you posted and I will read them tonight. I hope to get the Explosive Child tomorrow at Barnes & Noble.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kids with Aspergers don't have developmental delays. Often they are ahead of the curb and speak in very big words and can even sound like "Little Professors." But they do have quirks and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) behaviors and an inability to relate normally to their same age peers (unless they get interventions). They are just "odd ducks" who tend to get even stranger as they age--it becomes very hard for them to understand how to socialize normally. I wouldn't discount it.