AppleCori
Well-Known Member
Hi,
Found this site recently and I've been reading posts. Wow, I can't believe the similarities to my situation!
Some background info:
19yo stepson lived with us until April 2012. He had been (not so much) going to his community college classes all year. Lots of arguements with his dad. He smoked pot and started spice, who knows what else. The second semester he only had two classes, but still didn't put out any effort. He has always been a difficult, hard-to-parent child. His dad hoped to get him through a two-year program and into the workforce with some skills but that wasn't to be. He lied, used drugs, had fits if his dad said something he didn't want to hear, was extremely messy and lazy.
It all came to a head early April when we came downstairs and were greeted with a terrible mess in the kitchen. I keep a pretty spotless kitchen; I don't mind a little mess when I come down in the morning because i don't expect him (difficult child) to have my standards, but this looked like a tornado had gone through in the night! He and his girlfriend had made hamburgers, cupcakes, and whatever else and had left cabinets open, stuff spilling out onto the floor, cake batter all over the counter, food out, dirty dishes all over the counters, food spilled, just a total disaster. Almost seemed like it was on purpose, you would need to really try to be that messy!
Dad yells at them to come and clean up their mess. They were still sleeping and difficult child wouldn't come so dad went in the room to get him. He finally came out, looked around, and said it wasn't his mess. Then he said, have the maid do it (he meant me!). The arguement went on, difficult child pulled a sword!!!??? on his dad, dad had to punch him and ordered them both out of the house with some not-so-nice words to the girlfriend as well because he felt she could have gotten her lazy rear up and started cleaning to try and defuse the situation. We had always been very good to the girlfriend, buying her soda and junk food that she liked, things we wouldn't normally buy, giving them $ to go on dates, etc.
They walk off, dad tries to call him, he won't answer, dad is distraught, calls difficult child's mom, she says he can stay with her (previously said no way). He is with her about one month, he escalates his bad behavior, drugs, quits school, gets kicked out of his moms (early May) and goes to stay with friends, gets kicked out of several friends houses, loses his job, girlfriend breaks up with him (they get back together in July) finally is back at his moms by late June, she says temporarily. She wants us to take him back saying he cannot stay with her. We give him a list of conditions that will be written into a contract that he will have to sign and follow in order to come back. He says no way. The mom trys to get his dad to pick him up anyway, but he holds firm.
In July difficult child mom calls and asks us if she can bring difficult child over to stay with us for the weekend. No way since he won't follow rules. Then she calls back and asks if we can trade off and take him ever other week! No way! Later calls back and says she is dropping him of at our door and if we don't take him in its our fault that he will be homeless. His dad is devestated, but keeps the hard line and won't let him back. He asks to be dropped off at a friends house. We later learn the friend won't let him come back because he did the same things to him that he did to us and his mom and everyone else he has stayed with. Friend takes him to a homeless shelter. Next day his mom lets him back in.
He lives in his moms cellar, occasionally getting a job, spending all his $ on drugs, getting fired, and thats the way it goes for a while. He will rarely answer the phone to talk to his dad. Then in early December he answers, says he has been kicked out of his mom's house and has no place to go. His dad goes to pick him up, (its night and really cold) he comes to our house and proceeds to tell us his girlfriend is pregnant and due in mid-March (12th). He tells us he is almost assured of getting this good job and will probably start in a week or so. After much talking, he spends the night with us but dad has his doubts as to whether difficult child has really changed. He goes back to his mom's and we work out a deal where she brings him to a day labor center on her way to work and I pick him up after he signs up for second shift work (1st shifts are already taken by 6am)and take him back when he needs to be, this until the new job starts. He works three shifts, but then I find he gets his daily pay, bought drugs and got high in our house. However, he claims to have gotten the new job and his mom takes him to the new job everyday, till a couple weeks later when she finds him hiding in her house during the day. He claims he just got fired. Who knows. No job since, though he regularly sells his blood to finance cigarettes, drugs and alchol.
Now we are into March and know that the baby is due any day now. The girlfriend is not any more ready than difficult child is. She is 21yo but doesn't have a drivers licence, never had a job, lives with her parents who are poor themselves and probably can't afford another child. I don't know how prepared they are to deal with this. Actually,we don't even know for sure if this is really difficult child's baby, as they were broken up during the obvious conception dates. He insisted the doctor said she got pregnant in May, but I have never heard of the doctor telling anyone they would be pg for 10 months and I told him so! This complicates things. We have offered to pay for a paternity test but I doubt difficult child will ask for one.
We are not sure what to do!
Thanks for listening!
Found this site recently and I've been reading posts. Wow, I can't believe the similarities to my situation!
Some background info:
19yo stepson lived with us until April 2012. He had been (not so much) going to his community college classes all year. Lots of arguements with his dad. He smoked pot and started spice, who knows what else. The second semester he only had two classes, but still didn't put out any effort. He has always been a difficult, hard-to-parent child. His dad hoped to get him through a two-year program and into the workforce with some skills but that wasn't to be. He lied, used drugs, had fits if his dad said something he didn't want to hear, was extremely messy and lazy.
It all came to a head early April when we came downstairs and were greeted with a terrible mess in the kitchen. I keep a pretty spotless kitchen; I don't mind a little mess when I come down in the morning because i don't expect him (difficult child) to have my standards, but this looked like a tornado had gone through in the night! He and his girlfriend had made hamburgers, cupcakes, and whatever else and had left cabinets open, stuff spilling out onto the floor, cake batter all over the counter, food out, dirty dishes all over the counters, food spilled, just a total disaster. Almost seemed like it was on purpose, you would need to really try to be that messy!
Dad yells at them to come and clean up their mess. They were still sleeping and difficult child wouldn't come so dad went in the room to get him. He finally came out, looked around, and said it wasn't his mess. Then he said, have the maid do it (he meant me!). The arguement went on, difficult child pulled a sword!!!??? on his dad, dad had to punch him and ordered them both out of the house with some not-so-nice words to the girlfriend as well because he felt she could have gotten her lazy rear up and started cleaning to try and defuse the situation. We had always been very good to the girlfriend, buying her soda and junk food that she liked, things we wouldn't normally buy, giving them $ to go on dates, etc.
They walk off, dad tries to call him, he won't answer, dad is distraught, calls difficult child's mom, she says he can stay with her (previously said no way). He is with her about one month, he escalates his bad behavior, drugs, quits school, gets kicked out of his moms (early May) and goes to stay with friends, gets kicked out of several friends houses, loses his job, girlfriend breaks up with him (they get back together in July) finally is back at his moms by late June, she says temporarily. She wants us to take him back saying he cannot stay with her. We give him a list of conditions that will be written into a contract that he will have to sign and follow in order to come back. He says no way. The mom trys to get his dad to pick him up anyway, but he holds firm.
In July difficult child mom calls and asks us if she can bring difficult child over to stay with us for the weekend. No way since he won't follow rules. Then she calls back and asks if we can trade off and take him ever other week! No way! Later calls back and says she is dropping him of at our door and if we don't take him in its our fault that he will be homeless. His dad is devestated, but keeps the hard line and won't let him back. He asks to be dropped off at a friends house. We later learn the friend won't let him come back because he did the same things to him that he did to us and his mom and everyone else he has stayed with. Friend takes him to a homeless shelter. Next day his mom lets him back in.
He lives in his moms cellar, occasionally getting a job, spending all his $ on drugs, getting fired, and thats the way it goes for a while. He will rarely answer the phone to talk to his dad. Then in early December he answers, says he has been kicked out of his mom's house and has no place to go. His dad goes to pick him up, (its night and really cold) he comes to our house and proceeds to tell us his girlfriend is pregnant and due in mid-March (12th). He tells us he is almost assured of getting this good job and will probably start in a week or so. After much talking, he spends the night with us but dad has his doubts as to whether difficult child has really changed. He goes back to his mom's and we work out a deal where she brings him to a day labor center on her way to work and I pick him up after he signs up for second shift work (1st shifts are already taken by 6am)and take him back when he needs to be, this until the new job starts. He works three shifts, but then I find he gets his daily pay, bought drugs and got high in our house. However, he claims to have gotten the new job and his mom takes him to the new job everyday, till a couple weeks later when she finds him hiding in her house during the day. He claims he just got fired. Who knows. No job since, though he regularly sells his blood to finance cigarettes, drugs and alchol.
Now we are into March and know that the baby is due any day now. The girlfriend is not any more ready than difficult child is. She is 21yo but doesn't have a drivers licence, never had a job, lives with her parents who are poor themselves and probably can't afford another child. I don't know how prepared they are to deal with this. Actually,we don't even know for sure if this is really difficult child's baby, as they were broken up during the obvious conception dates. He insisted the doctor said she got pregnant in May, but I have never heard of the doctor telling anyone they would be pg for 10 months and I told him so! This complicates things. We have offered to pay for a paternity test but I doubt difficult child will ask for one.
We are not sure what to do!
Thanks for listening!
