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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 116933" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and Welcome, </p><p></p><p>You know it strikes me VERY odd that your daughter was able to have a job, a home, a husband and then BLAM - she's beguiled by a felon with a drug problem. </p><p></p><p>So my take on this without knowing any more than I do - is that your daughter has some self esteem issues. On top of that she's met a man who is very manipulative - a master. He said things to her that she needed/wanted to hear. Whether it was sub-conscious or not. I never have and never will buy into the "she didn't get to run around and be crazy when she was young so she's doing it now" thing - I think it can happen - but something else is going on. I wouldn't try to label it per se but sometimes if we understand what is going on with our kids - it makes it easier to decide to detach. It's like getting permission to go. </p><p></p><p>As far as the house she's in and all her business and her family business - he already knows what she knows. Believe me - he's got no ones best intentions at stake but his. Once he gets her to sever ties with you - she'll go to grandma, and when she's cleaned out - he'll be onto someone else. Grandma will be broke, she'll be a wreck and he'll get off scott free. Right now = the way she's speaking to you is more than likely because of junk he's manipulating in her head. Abusive people/maniuplators are masters at cutting women from her herd. Sounds basic - but it's exactly what's going on. He's feeding her head with stuff that she doesn't even know is making her like she is - suspicious, trusting ONLY him, and eventually she won't be calling you at all. It's his plan - whether she or anyone else wants to admit it - </p><p></p><p>he's had time to sit in jail and listen to all her problems and console her - what else did he have to do? He's gotten all the information he needed to be able to get out, have a place to live, have a sugar momma to support him and his habits - these men know what they are doing - they are surviving the only way they know how. And women like your daughter, like me - get sucked right in, buy the farm and before you know it - you're pregnant and believe the man owns you. These types of predators can do an extreme amount of damage in a very short period of time. </p><p></p><p>Is there anything you can do about it? Urge her to go to counseling and sit back as she laughs at you - he's already convinced her she's the smartest thing on the planet. She doesn't need her family will be next - but good old grandma - sweet good old grandma - yeah he'll keep her around because he already knows she'll take her granddaughters side in all of this and yes, she'll get cleaned out. </p><p></p><p>Write out what you think is going to happen - a premonition of sorts - and date it, then file it away. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen - but your Mom is not going to believe it. You have so much as warned her - that's all you can do. When she calls to talk - talk, but make it understood you aren't discussing YOUR daughter. If she chooses to help your daughter and this man - her choice. We all have choices. When the chips hit the fan - take out your written /dated prediction and show it to your Mom. Maybe then she'll see you aren't being a "mean Mom" or a "selfish daughter" or not raising your adult daughter - I mean is she still raising you? good grief - No. </p><p></p><p>As far as paying the loan or amortization interest - I would speak with a financial adviser, or a loan officer at the bank you have the loan on. Get out of it - NOW. If they are selling drugs and the state confiscates the house - you will loose anyway and STILL be making payments. It happens. </p><p></p><p>As far as getting yourself into a pscyh? GREAT! Best thing you can do for yourself. </p><p></p><p>I am really sorry for your loss. D3 is very right about letting the kid come to you. But get help now to stand your ground so you aren't a yo-yo parent - taking her in while he sleeps in the house you're paying for because they had a fight 0r moving her from MA to FL at your expense because she's DONE with him for good. </p><p></p><p>I'm most sorry for her husband who seems like he really got shafted in this entire deal -</p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Come back often </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 116933, member: 4964"] Hi and Welcome, You know it strikes me VERY odd that your daughter was able to have a job, a home, a husband and then BLAM - she's beguiled by a felon with a drug problem. So my take on this without knowing any more than I do - is that your daughter has some self esteem issues. On top of that she's met a man who is very manipulative - a master. He said things to her that she needed/wanted to hear. Whether it was sub-conscious or not. I never have and never will buy into the "she didn't get to run around and be crazy when she was young so she's doing it now" thing - I think it can happen - but something else is going on. I wouldn't try to label it per se but sometimes if we understand what is going on with our kids - it makes it easier to decide to detach. It's like getting permission to go. As far as the house she's in and all her business and her family business - he already knows what she knows. Believe me - he's got no ones best intentions at stake but his. Once he gets her to sever ties with you - she'll go to grandma, and when she's cleaned out - he'll be onto someone else. Grandma will be broke, she'll be a wreck and he'll get off scott free. Right now = the way she's speaking to you is more than likely because of junk he's manipulating in her head. Abusive people/maniuplators are masters at cutting women from her herd. Sounds basic - but it's exactly what's going on. He's feeding her head with stuff that she doesn't even know is making her like she is - suspicious, trusting ONLY him, and eventually she won't be calling you at all. It's his plan - whether she or anyone else wants to admit it - he's had time to sit in jail and listen to all her problems and console her - what else did he have to do? He's gotten all the information he needed to be able to get out, have a place to live, have a sugar momma to support him and his habits - these men know what they are doing - they are surviving the only way they know how. And women like your daughter, like me - get sucked right in, buy the farm and before you know it - you're pregnant and believe the man owns you. These types of predators can do an extreme amount of damage in a very short period of time. Is there anything you can do about it? Urge her to go to counseling and sit back as she laughs at you - he's already convinced her she's the smartest thing on the planet. She doesn't need her family will be next - but good old grandma - sweet good old grandma - yeah he'll keep her around because he already knows she'll take her granddaughters side in all of this and yes, she'll get cleaned out. Write out what you think is going to happen - a premonition of sorts - and date it, then file it away. Whatever is going to happen is going to happen - but your Mom is not going to believe it. You have so much as warned her - that's all you can do. When she calls to talk - talk, but make it understood you aren't discussing YOUR daughter. If she chooses to help your daughter and this man - her choice. We all have choices. When the chips hit the fan - take out your written /dated prediction and show it to your Mom. Maybe then she'll see you aren't being a "mean Mom" or a "selfish daughter" or not raising your adult daughter - I mean is she still raising you? good grief - No. As far as paying the loan or amortization interest - I would speak with a financial adviser, or a loan officer at the bank you have the loan on. Get out of it - NOW. If they are selling drugs and the state confiscates the house - you will loose anyway and STILL be making payments. It happens. As far as getting yourself into a pscyh? GREAT! Best thing you can do for yourself. I am really sorry for your loss. D3 is very right about letting the kid come to you. But get help now to stand your ground so you aren't a yo-yo parent - taking her in while he sleeps in the house you're paying for because they had a fight 0r moving her from MA to FL at your expense because she's DONE with him for good. I'm most sorry for her husband who seems like he really got shafted in this entire deal - Hugs Come back often Star [/QUOTE]
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