New Here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sueusf, May 27, 2008.

  1. sueusf

    sueusf New Member

    I just found your site and it looks like a Godsend. I have a 14 year old daughter who I have been struggling with since she was a baby. She has been diagnosed ADHD with severe ODD. It's so bad her new doctor this morning suggested it may have escalated to Conduct Disorder.

    I am at my wit's end, she refuses to take her medications (Adderall at the moment--she's been on just about everything) because of the appetite suppressant side-effect.

    I feel like I'm living in an abusive relationship and there's no way I can get out of it. She's not physically violent towards people, but she can do a lot of damage to property and I just can't engage in screaming matches anymore.

    She's just been suspended from school for 2 days (very effective, she gets 2 free days off to do (or not do) whatever she wants, comepletly unsupervised) for causing general mayhem and finally announcing that she wanted to "blow up the school". She claims to want to go live with her dad, which is fine, except he'll send her back within a week once she throws her first full-fledged tantrum and unleashes her disgusting language on his new wife.

    I am so tired of venting to friends who while well meaning and sympathetic MUST be getting bored hearing about all this. I'm glad to have found a place where I can tell someone what's going on and they KNOW.

    Thanks for being here, thanks for "listening"!
     
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Sue and welcome! So glad you found us!

    Does your daughter have an IEP (special education) at school? If not, it might be worth looking into since it appears that her behaviors are impacting her ability to be educated.

    My difficult child has spent the last 5 days doing a serious number on my mind so I'm kinda at a loss in terms of what do we do with our kids, LOL (remote deserted island with no communication sounds good - for him *or* for me :rofl: ). But I did want to welcome you to our group. We certainly can relate and have very soft shoulders to lean on. ;)
     
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome!

    I am about 2 years ahead of you - mine is 16 (will be 17 on Sunday).
    I DID send my difficult child to live with her dad for one year. It did a few things for us.

    1. it helped them really see what I was talking about all those years. They still blame me somewhat, but I think they know deep down that there was not much I could have done differently with my difficult child.

    2. it gave me a much needed break from the daily chaos and abuse that I received from my own child. I did grow stronger that year.

    My situation worked out such that I ended up selling my house and moving to the same town as her father and stepmom. Once I moved we began splitting time 50/50. It gave all of us the break that is needed from my difficult child. Even her. She has said she can not be around the same people for very long.

    That year cost me over $12k with the loss in child support, plus the paying of child support, and loss on equity plus costs of buying/selling a house - but it was totally worth it.

    Seriously consider it. Is dad a good person? Loving dad? Going to keep her safe? That is basically the only thing I needed to know - she would remain safe in his care.
     
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sue,

    you've found a place where we understand and we never get tired of listening!

    Couple suggestions. When she is suspended for the day (or two), take the keyboard to the computer so she can't get online, and take her cellphone, assuming she has one. Get the school to send her work that needs to be done and give her a task list. If the task list is not completed, no social activities that weekend. Those teens live to hand with their friends. That was the most successful consequence when my daughter was that age.

    Sharon
     
  5. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    Welcome.

    You can post all you want! I have found it to make me feel a TON better, and I have gotten some great advise!
     
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hi Sue. Sorry you had to find us, but welcome.
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Sue,
    welcome.
    The only thing I can offer with-o much info is that you mentioned you were tired of yelling ... so I'd come up with-consistent consequences instead of yelling. Since she's unsupervised while she's suspended, I'm guessing you are working all day. Can she stay with-her dad or grandparents the next time she is suspended? It's GOT to be No Fun or it won't work.
     
  8. barelyhangingon

    barelyhangingon New Member

    Hi...I just found this site....and hoping some of you can help me out!
    I have a 12 yr old daughter.....whom we've had problems with since she was approx. 8 yrs. old. We've taken her to counseling, which was useless! She has ADD and IEP (for learning disabilities). When I stumpled upon this site and others, and started reading about ODD ........I couldn't believe what I was reading!!!! Sounds EXACTLY like my daughter!!! We just recently found a psychologist...daughter has only been once....I'm hoping we have found an intelligent, knowledgable one this time!!! Can some of you tell me how it came about that your children were diagnosed with ODD??? Also, I am reading lots of posts and don't understand the lingo??? difficult child? easy child? etc............Thanks for any and all your help you can give me!!!
     
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi and Welcome!! Glad you found us, but so sorry you needed to look for us.

    first off, if you could go to the Board FAQ and read how to do a signature (what is at the bottom of the post and reminds us of your particular situation) it would be helpful.

    Who diagnosed your child? What kind of doctor? Psychiatrist (with md) or psychologist or pediatrician? What evaluations has she had?

    There is a thread on the board info/FAQ forum about Parent Report or Parent Input. This is a way that some of us use to organize all the info about our difficult children (child who brought us here), and I also use it with my younger 2 because medical issues. It is very very helpful.

    I think most of us started out with an ADHD diagnosis, and then found that other things were going on. ODD is more a pattern of behavior that goes with a lot of the different things our kids have. Many of us have found that when we treat the real problem (WHATEVER that is) then the OFF behaviors go away.

    Is there any chance your child is on drugs? Have you ever drug tested her? Is there any reason to suspect drugs?

    I would NOT be happy with a doctor who said my child had Conduct Disorder. That is a disorder that can only be diagnosed in people OVER 18 - it is part of the diagnostic criteria. So you might want to ask your doctor what he meant by conduct disorder. Some docs use it for things other than the official diagnosis.

    There is hope. I would suggest you read "the explosive child" by ross greene and "love and logic" by Faye and Cline (you can explore l&l at www.loveandlogic.com).

    Glad you are here!

    Susie
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome and glad you found us. You are not alone-this is an amazingly supportive group and can be a lifesaver.
     
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Adding my welcome...and my understanding of your frustration.
     
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