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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 223577" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Hi Myah, welcome.</p><p>Here's a cup of tea.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, these kids can get better. My son has improved a lot. Part of it is maturity, part is intervention, part is therapy, part is routine and structure, part is medications. If I could point to any one thing that helped me the most, it was getting my husband on board. We were totally opposite in our parenting and it made things worse. </p><p> </p><p>Yes, a lot of this can be hereditary and genetic. I personally think that things in our environment trigger the genes, or exacerbate the problems, such as food additives, plastics, and video games. And certain parenting styles, too. Too demanding, rigid, military style attitudes seem to make these kids worse, although military consistency is a good thing. If that makes any sense.</p><p> </p><p>My son takes clonidine. Just one tablet in the a.m. and one in the p.m., the smallest dose possible. Unless your son is severely underweight and has a history of severe drug reactions, I wouldn't worry about it. The clonidine took the angry, anxious edge off of our difficult child. It was amazing. I saw him smile a real smile for the first time in weeks. </p><p> </p><p>My husband and I are anti-drug. He is a chiropractor. But after broken windows, holes in walls, bruises, screaming, door slamming, shoe throwing, spitting and you-name-it episodes, and after diet changes, behavioral changes, and holding my son back in school 1 yr, we were out of ideas and desperate.</p><p> </p><p>We started with-Adderal. Luckily, it worked immediately. My son sat down and had a real conversation for the first time in his life. It was like, wow, there's a real, thinking, communicating person in there, not just a wild animal that throws things!</p><p>The clonidine, as I said, takes the edge off.</p><p> </p><p>A psychiatrist has recommended Zoloft, but we are not going to do it right now. Our difficult child has been diagnosis'd Aspie Lite, and I would rather work on behaviors than add more medication at this point. He is old enough, and we have learned enough tactics to keep it going for a while. Even difficult child said, "I feel like a medicated bunny!" (I think he meant Energizer bunny, LOL, but I got the point.)</p><p> </p><p>I agree with-Marg, that you should have your son evaluated more thoroughly. He sounds like he's out of control and you need some good interventions. In the meantime, I would make sure he is safe (put away knives and scissors) and that your 6-yr-old has a safe place to go where the 7-yr-old cannot annoy him. </p><p>Consistency and routine are paramount. As you have seen, it doesn't take much to set off your difficult child.</p><p> </p><p>I have also learned to say "Yes, but ... " rather than "No." The word No sets off my son like a time bomb. Just rearranging the words in a sentence can make all the difference in the world.</p><p> </p><p>Also, a normal tone of voice, right next to him, works well. Yelling from another room sets him off. I was raised in a family of 5 (plus 2 parents, =7) where everyone yelled from one rm to another and it seemed normal to me, until difficult child came along. You have to re-learn your habits, good or bad. G'fgs are different. Everything is different.</p><p> </p><p>Your difficult child isn't lying to be a brat (most of the time, LOL). He is trying to obtain something or escape something uncomfortable, in the fastest, easiest way. Learn what he wants and you can get him to stop lying. It takes a while. One thing is not to ask him "Why did you do that?" because 1) he won't know, and 2) whether he does or not, he is conditioned to lie because that question implies he did something wrong and he will respond out of fear. </p><p>Instead of saying "Why are you such a slob? Why did you throw those candy wrappers on the floor?" say, "Pick those candy wrappers off of the floor. There is more candy in the kitchen when you are finished."</p><p> </p><p>Get the idea? There are lots of books out there with-many more ideas. You may have to lock yourself in the bathroom to read them, though! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p> </p><p>Welcome!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 223577, member: 3419"] Hi Myah, welcome. Here's a cup of tea. Yes, these kids can get better. My son has improved a lot. Part of it is maturity, part is intervention, part is therapy, part is routine and structure, part is medications. If I could point to any one thing that helped me the most, it was getting my husband on board. We were totally opposite in our parenting and it made things worse. Yes, a lot of this can be hereditary and genetic. I personally think that things in our environment trigger the genes, or exacerbate the problems, such as food additives, plastics, and video games. And certain parenting styles, too. Too demanding, rigid, military style attitudes seem to make these kids worse, although military consistency is a good thing. If that makes any sense. My son takes clonidine. Just one tablet in the a.m. and one in the p.m., the smallest dose possible. Unless your son is severely underweight and has a history of severe drug reactions, I wouldn't worry about it. The clonidine took the angry, anxious edge off of our difficult child. It was amazing. I saw him smile a real smile for the first time in weeks. My husband and I are anti-drug. He is a chiropractor. But after broken windows, holes in walls, bruises, screaming, door slamming, shoe throwing, spitting and you-name-it episodes, and after diet changes, behavioral changes, and holding my son back in school 1 yr, we were out of ideas and desperate. We started with-Adderal. Luckily, it worked immediately. My son sat down and had a real conversation for the first time in his life. It was like, wow, there's a real, thinking, communicating person in there, not just a wild animal that throws things! The clonidine, as I said, takes the edge off. A psychiatrist has recommended Zoloft, but we are not going to do it right now. Our difficult child has been diagnosis'd Aspie Lite, and I would rather work on behaviors than add more medication at this point. He is old enough, and we have learned enough tactics to keep it going for a while. Even difficult child said, "I feel like a medicated bunny!" (I think he meant Energizer bunny, LOL, but I got the point.) I agree with-Marg, that you should have your son evaluated more thoroughly. He sounds like he's out of control and you need some good interventions. In the meantime, I would make sure he is safe (put away knives and scissors) and that your 6-yr-old has a safe place to go where the 7-yr-old cannot annoy him. Consistency and routine are paramount. As you have seen, it doesn't take much to set off your difficult child. I have also learned to say "Yes, but ... " rather than "No." The word No sets off my son like a time bomb. Just rearranging the words in a sentence can make all the difference in the world. Also, a normal tone of voice, right next to him, works well. Yelling from another room sets him off. I was raised in a family of 5 (plus 2 parents, =7) where everyone yelled from one rm to another and it seemed normal to me, until difficult child came along. You have to re-learn your habits, good or bad. G'fgs are different. Everything is different. Your difficult child isn't lying to be a brat (most of the time, LOL). He is trying to obtain something or escape something uncomfortable, in the fastest, easiest way. Learn what he wants and you can get him to stop lying. It takes a while. One thing is not to ask him "Why did you do that?" because 1) he won't know, and 2) whether he does or not, he is conditioned to lie because that question implies he did something wrong and he will respond out of fear. Instead of saying "Why are you such a slob? Why did you throw those candy wrappers on the floor?" say, "Pick those candy wrappers off of the floor. There is more candy in the kitchen when you are finished." Get the idea? There are lots of books out there with-many more ideas. You may have to lock yourself in the bathroom to read them, though! :) Welcome! [/QUOTE]
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