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<blockquote data-quote="Giselle" data-source="post: 279820" data-attributes="member: 7525"><p>the other posters are more experienced than I am with specific recommendations and possible diagnoses and such, but I just have to say my heart breaks a little for this boy. Of course I'm not dealing with his defiance and whatever difficult behaviors that aren't described that might temper my feeling, but...I can only imagine how difficult it would be at his age to have what was probably his very sensitive mother to whom he was probably quite bonded die...to be replaced by a stepmother, a stepbrother, a baby sibling, and a well-meaning but rigid father. He's no doubt got some issues that need therapeutic attention, but something about the initial post also makes me feel that there's a "culture clash" in what's going on internally with this boy and the way that the major authority figures around him are reacting to him. Suddenly all the rules in his life changed, and perhaps the way was not paved for him to handle them. He's probably very traumatized by all that's happened to him. </p><p></p><p>Although I have a difficult child, I never was a difficult child myself. But even something in me bristles a little at the description of his life now. I think I would have reacted negatively to rigid authority too, and to go from being treasured and indulged by my own mother to a life of playing second fiddle to a baby (which is natural) and probably being treated a little second-class by his new mother relative to her own children (which is a little inevitable). In other words all styles of parenting do not work for all children; some parenting styles can probably make even certain temperaments of o.k. children behave in less than ideal ways; and it's hard to go from being treasured to being the low person on the totem pole and having a lot of what probably seem like arbitrary expectations suddenly put on oneself.</p><p></p><p>I hope it's not out of line to say these things and I don't mean to be unsupportive. I don't know enough about the situation to know if it's accurate, just an impression.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Giselle, post: 279820, member: 7525"] the other posters are more experienced than I am with specific recommendations and possible diagnoses and such, but I just have to say my heart breaks a little for this boy. Of course I'm not dealing with his defiance and whatever difficult behaviors that aren't described that might temper my feeling, but...I can only imagine how difficult it would be at his age to have what was probably his very sensitive mother to whom he was probably quite bonded die...to be replaced by a stepmother, a stepbrother, a baby sibling, and a well-meaning but rigid father. He's no doubt got some issues that need therapeutic attention, but something about the initial post also makes me feel that there's a "culture clash" in what's going on internally with this boy and the way that the major authority figures around him are reacting to him. Suddenly all the rules in his life changed, and perhaps the way was not paved for him to handle them. He's probably very traumatized by all that's happened to him. Although I have a difficult child, I never was a difficult child myself. But even something in me bristles a little at the description of his life now. I think I would have reacted negatively to rigid authority too, and to go from being treasured and indulged by my own mother to a life of playing second fiddle to a baby (which is natural) and probably being treated a little second-class by his new mother relative to her own children (which is a little inevitable). In other words all styles of parenting do not work for all children; some parenting styles can probably make even certain temperaments of o.k. children behave in less than ideal ways; and it's hard to go from being treasured to being the low person on the totem pole and having a lot of what probably seem like arbitrary expectations suddenly put on oneself. I hope it's not out of line to say these things and I don't mean to be unsupportive. I don't know enough about the situation to know if it's accurate, just an impression. [/QUOTE]
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