New here.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Stretchedthin, Mar 18, 2011.

  1. Stretchedthin

    Stretchedthin New Member

    Hi. I'm new here. I have two daughters. My 11 year old has ODD and serious anxiety problems. She's extrememly abusive. She spent the entire evening screaming at me and telling me she wished I was dead, etc, because I wouldn't take her to a pawn shop to sell her DS (It's a toy). The way she screams, I can't believe that the neighbors don't call the cops.

    Believe it or not, reading about people's kids acting just like mine makes me feel a little better. I feel sorry for all of you, but at least I'm not all alone in this.

    Sometimes tonight I was on the verge of tears. I was in pain and exhausted from fibromyalgia, and she knows that, but when she's angry she just hits me and says awful things and screams and throws things. All I can do is repeat myself and try to stay calm.

    Anyway, Hi, everyone.
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to our corner of the world, Stretchedthin (by the way, I love your name-really describes how one feels). This place can be a lifesaver (it was for me) and you are definitely not alone. I know those words your daughter screams hurt as I've heard them many times. Sometimes they hurt more than other times. We have something around here called rhino skin that we put on (figuratively speaking) so the words don't bother us.

    A lot of times when someone is starting we have lots of questions so we can be of better help.

    Who diagnosed your daughter? A pediatrician or child psychiatrist?

    Has she ever seen a neuropsychologist? They can be very helpful in seeing what is going on? Ours along with our psychiatrist (child psychiatrist) have been the most helpful.

    Is your daughter on any medications to help with her anxiety?

    Again, welcome, it is sometimes a bit slow on the weekends but more will be along!
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    hi and welcome :)
    Please tell us more about her early development and history so we can better support you :)
  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Welcome, glad you found us but sorry you had to.
    Have you ever called the police out to help when she gets physically violent? Make sure they know they're responding to a call involving a mentally ill child, many departments have officers more trained in domestic situations and troubled children situations. I know at least half the department here has had extra training for it, and they're trying to make sure all of them do.
    Have you read The Explosive Child by Ross Greene? It's a good starting place.
    How old is the other daughter? Is there a safety plan in place?
  5. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Welcome. I'm glad you found us and look forward to hearing more from you!
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Welcome. I have been screamed at over more stupid things than I could ever remember. I now for the most part can check out, and just send difficult child son to his room. I have a harder time with difficult child dtr. Hang in there, and all the questions are just so we can be more informed in offering suggestions.

    I know for me? Knowing that my kids are not the only ones who act that way was a tremendous help.
  7. Stretchedthin

    Stretchedthin New Member

    Hi. She was diagnosed by a child psychologist a few years ago. She is on Abilify and Zoloft for her anxiety. Actually, the abilify is for the ODD, I guess. It helps slightly.

    I haven't called the cops, but there are times when I should have, when she pulled a knife on us, etc. I am afraid that they'll take her away. I have taken her to the hospital when she freaked out for hours on end.

    We are between therapists at the moment. She has been sexually abused and can't seem to build up a rapport with any counselors to talk about it. in my opinion, that contributes to her anxiety. She won't sleep alone, for example, and she's 11. That drives me nuts. She has a panic attack if she tries. So, there's that going on.

    My other daughter is 13. We really live with a lot of abuse. from my daughter with- ODD. I think that I must have rhino skin, or I'd be rocking back and forth in a corner, eating crayons.
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Yeah, I'd say you found the right place here. :D Crayons smell great when they're new, but fish food tastes better. Don't ask.
  9. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    Welcome! This site has been a life saver for me. I only wish I could spend more time on here these days though.... Anyways....

    When was the last time your difficult child had her medications analyzed or altered? I ask because depending upon how long she's been taking Zoloft, it may not really be doing her any good. Of course, I'm not a doctor, but my difficult child was taking Zoloft for a quite awhile - same dose and it was useless. I finally got someone who monitors his medications on a regular basis so we can "tweak" if something isn't working. Abilify can be tricky to, too low, you get anger and aggression, too high, you get anger and aggression..... I don't have any experience with sexually abused children, but I can imagine she has a lot of anger inside. Does she abuse anyone else?... or is it just you? My difficult child used to either hurt himself or try and hurt me. He usually goes into his rages when he doesn't get his way or I change my tone with him. It's almost like he immediately kicks into some sort of defensive mode and is hurt by the fact that I'm disciplining him so he gets aggressive and acts out. It's only at me though. You will get way better advise from the folks who've been around here longer.

    Anyways, you have my support (for what it's worth).
  10. Stretchedthin

    Stretchedthin New Member

    I agree about the Zoloft. She's been on it for years. I have been saying that it doesn't help the whole time. Nobody listens. She only started the Abilify in December 2010. She had to start that because she was taking Seroquel and it didn't help and it made her put on a lot of weight really fast.

    On the other hand, Abilfy really helps me and it makes it possible for her sister to sleep.
  11. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hi, Stretched, and welcome to my world... My school district, Onyxx, is 16 now, and was molested (bio mom's boyfriend) from ages 11-13. We can't find a counselor she can build a rapport with, either - the last one was her "favorite", and she quit talking when the counselor brought the parents in for a family session. She doesn't "need" counseling. She can figure it out on her own. Onyxx won't sleep with an open door - panic attack. I'm betting your daughter won't sleep alone because she instinctively feels the safety in numbers.

    From my experience, there are a few things you can do... Or at least try.

    One, call the cops when she becomes abusive. Report unruly child; domestic violence; mentally ill violent child; these are all things we have used. She may self-calm when she realizes they are coming. If you have a webcam and can get her on video during a rage, it will help. If you have injuries, make sure the police take pictures and/or document them. You may also wish to request they transport her to a mental health facility. You and your other daughter do NOT deserve to live like this.

    Two, keep her in counseling. Whether she develops a rapport or not. You may end up switching counselors a LOT. Do it anyway. Do NOT, however, let the counselor tell you it is YOUR FAULT. It is not.

    Three, I'll be honest, Zoloft made Onyxx worse. Abilify? Intensified her rages. The only thing that really worked, so far as we could tell, was risperidone. BUT, caveat here, since all people are different... (Zoloft was pointless with me - citalopram was a miracle drug...)

    PTSD can manifest in many different ways. But keep in mind - some soldiers who were held captive and tortured could and do become violent with loved ones - where they are safe. In a way, hasn't she been tortured? And held captive, in her own mind?

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}} PM me if you want, been there done that and it really stinks. This place has kept me sane for the last 2+ years.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, Stretchedthin.

    Wow, being screamed at all day can take a lot out of you. been there done that.

    I have no experience with-kids who have been sexually abused, but I can see others here have already replied, and more will show up, but at least I can send hugs.

    Also, I would taper off the medications she's on, for the exact reasons you mentioned. Clearly, they work for you and the other child but everyone has a different chemistry, neurology and metabolism. Fingers crossed that you find a new psychiatric fast!

    by the way, since she won't sleep alone, does she sleep with-you? And then scream at you in the daytime? Sheesh.
  13. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Mine is like that, and she wasn't molested. In our case it because we had to share a room when Ex first split and we moved in with a friend of mine, so it's what she got used to from 2.5 years til she was 4.5. Now she's "scared of being alone." I know a few kids who are like that, all of them for their own reasons (and yes, some were abused).

    Is this new behavior, Stretched? You may have already said, but can you pinpoint it to a certain period of time?
  14. 4timmy

    4timmy New Member

    Ok, my difficult child always had a tough time with wanting to sleep with me too and he wasn't molested. However, my husband and I of 20+ years choose to sleep in separate bedrooms mostly due to sleep issues. I wonder if this made difficult child feel insecure? HaoZi you say it happened with your difficult child when you and your Ex split. It could very well be that the common denominator is simply a feeling of insecurity or not feeling safe.
  15. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    It happened when we split because we had to share a room where went to live after that, and she got used to it. If there had been more space she'd have continued to have a room of her own.