new here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by southermama3, Jan 22, 2012.

  1. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Hi all,
    I'm a mom to 3 children all premies. I have been looking to find friends online so I don't feel so alone. Since 2008 we have went through he'll. My ex husb who was active duty arm was charged and dishonorably Difficult Child due to me catching him and turning him in for molesting our two daughters. He had been distributing it online via our web cam. The army kicked us off base and we moved in with my mom. I became pregnant with my son during this time. My ex and I had been separated a year and during that year I spent my time exposing him to the FBI and army CID. Due to stress and my preg I wound up developing epilepsy which debilitated me and I could no longer work a's a nurse. After a three yr battle to divorce an protect my girls I was finally granted my divorce and full sole custody of my girls. Due to my ex my girls suffer from a lot of psychological issues and my oldest was just diagnosed with a learning disability. In march my mother at age 52 died suddenly on Rebekahs, my oldest daughter, 9th birthday. A week before that my grandfather drowned in front of my entire family bc we couldn't get him out of flooding water. A few days before mom died our lab of 12yrs died suddenly also. All of those deaths left me completely shocked. I can't really remember march thru may but my fiancé didn't understand and packed up and left in June. He moved from our home in wv to al. Once down here he established a more stable life and in the month of august he moved all of us here. It wasn't til then my life started to get better and the true emotion of grieving started for me. I don't have any friends and I'm pretty much a hermit here hence why I dloaded talks app. Sorry this was long winded but my life is so complicated nobody would understand me if I just shared bits n pieces.
    :D
    Kelly, 29
    Mom to:
    Rebekah hope 9
    Hannah~Grace 8
    Ethan Michael 2
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi, Kelly, and welcome to the board. I'm sorry you had to find us though.

    You are so young and have been through so much, it makes my mind spin. If you ever want to talk, I'll be happy to listen to you. I'm old enough to be your mom, and have a soft spot in my heart for young people. You can just PM me if you really want to talk. I can give you my phone #...I'm in cold, cold Wisconsin.

    I'm very happy that you seem to finally be in a better place. Your fiance sounds like a nice man...quite a difference from ex. You're such a good mom to fight to keep the kids away from ex. Are the kids in any sort of therapy? My two youngest were molested, so I know how that goes...

    I wish I could offer you more...you have my friendship and good wishes. You can post here as often as you like, and we'll all be happy to read what's going on in your world, and to try to help.
     
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Kelly! Welcome. You are a strong strong woman to have come through all of this. Bless you and your children. If those are their real names, you might want to edit them to initials only or other fake names, if they are fake by the way, you have good taste in names! I like them all. They are so young and so are you. I guess I could be your mom too doing the math... though kids were way off my radar at 18!

    I can imagine this has been a very lonely journey. I hope things go well with your fiance and you can start to build a support network.

    So how are your precious ones now? Three kids before thirty is amazing! What do they do for school, how are they doing there? What do they do for fun?

    Just wanted you to know I read your post and saying hi. oh, ps....My son has a seizure disorder too, pretty tricky at times.
     
  4. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Thank you so much! I am literally crying at your reply. I literally lost my world in march and I haven't had anyone to talk too except my children and fiancé. I have put on a front to be strong for them and I haven't had any friends to talk too. I've prayed a lot and had to because after they died I became so angry at life in general. I am so thankful I found your alls application. My iPhone is the only source I have to any hope of outside communication. I'm still crying ugh. I fought so hard to ensure he had no way of getting them or seeing them. He wanted supervised visitations through dhr and I fought and said no. After my son was born I became emaciated from his birth and stress I developed the gmaw seizures and went through a lot of surgeries and hospitalizations. I remember one court battle had to be done via telephone from my hospital room bc he had asked the court to remove the cease communication/restraining order. I won that time. I sold a lot of things and with the help of my mom we kept paying lawyers fees to finally get our final decree of a divorce and permanent restraining order. That ruling was finalized on 12 Sept 2011 the greatest birthday gift I have ever received (my birthday sept 13)
    As far as therapy my girls has finally gone to a child psychiatrist to treat their PTSD. They had to see forensic psychiatrists for a while tho. My 9 yr old has recently been diagnosis with low iq and learning disabilities along with her PTSD. My 8 yr old has PTSD. Hannahs is worse than bekah. Hannah suffers from severe night terrors with-bed wetting and at times she can't even eat. She stays nauseated with- diarrhea a lot. We think hers is worse bc we think she was always 2nd in the abuse she had to watch her sister first. Not really sure the low life wouldn't elaborate on how he abused them. I had to deal with his family. They stole my hard drive, but I had already beat them with the FBI. They installed tracers on him. His sister hid that he had molested her son for many years. They hid that he had been caught a's a minor abusing his neighbors child. It was a nightmare especially when I read his hand written confession..I literally wanted to kill him. What makes it worse is he hid behind our American military and portrayed himself a's a hero but nobody knew the demonic secrets he was hiding.
    Thank you so much. It felt so good to read your reply and at least know somebody related with my life. I appreciate all that you said more than you will ever know. Thank you

    Kelly, 29

    Mom to:
    Bekah 9
    Hannah~Grace 8
    Ethan 2
     
  5. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Hi buddy,
    The kids are doing a lot better. I feel we are finally moving on. Every night before bed I always tell them they aren't victims they are victors.
    My seizure disorder is somewhat under control. I haven't had one in 5 mos. My hope is one day I will be able to return to my job a's a rn. As of now I cannot go back due to the florescent lighting, it sets me off almost instantly. That is the reason too I am really restricted to my home bc the last seizure I had I was in walmart. This disorder and losing my family makes me so angry bc it seems like since 2007 I have been forced to watch death and demise of so much...it hurts. When I graduated high school my goal was getting married having children and graduating college. I did it all and it was like somebody just screamed NO you can't do that then BAM life just fell apart. The great news is We are finally going on with life...
    ps:thank you about the names I tried to give them all strong biblical names. =}
    thank y'all again
    Kelly
     
  6. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Hello Kelly. You have come through an awful lot, and as a family. Will where you are now become a permanent base? Will you be able to start putting down roots, and widening your circle of contacts? Perhaps you too need to feel "safe" before you can emerge from your cocoon, little by little. I'm glad your daughters are getting some help.
    Take care and post here whenever you need too. There are many supportive shoulders to cry on :)
     
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome, Kelly.
     
  8. rdland

    rdland New Member

    You are such an amazing and brave woman for all you have gone thru. A true warrior mom fighting tooth and nail for your children to protect them from their abuser. I am in awe of your strength and will keep you all in my prayers. Your children are truly blessed to have you as their mom. Welcome and please lean on me any time you need. Hugs!
     
  9. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    I am so lucky that I found this application. I am working my way through the site and slowly getting to know you all. Thank you for all of your inspiring responses all of your responses today has made me feel so not-alone for the first time in many years. If you all have a purchase app I would be more than happy to purchase this to help keep this site running. You all have no idea how good you all have made me feel. Thank you
    Kelly
     
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kelly, I don't know if I would have had your guts at 29. You are awesome.

    My two younger kids who were molested by a much older child that we had adopted at age 11 (and it was also bad molestation...and he made them watch...so sick)...they are both doing really well. I just wanted you to know that. We did the whole therapy route and the child was removed from the home and found guilty of sexual assault of a minor child. That the kids got support and saw justice done has been wonderful for them. We saw a therapist who specialized in children who had been sexually abused. both of my kids are teenagers now and doing very well emotionally...we keep a close eye on them.

    The learning problems of your nine year old could go along with the preemie thing or else also be because of the abuse...if you can afford it, I would get them all neuropsychologist evaluated. If you have Medicaid (like us) neuropsychs at university hospitals and children's hospitals will usually take it. They in my opinion are the BEST diagnosticians because they do extensive testing.

    Please come here often. We are very happy that you joined us!
     
  11. myeverything04

    myeverything04 New Member

    Hi Kelly and welcome!
    I am a newer member as well and it has been a great sigh of relief to find such a warm and non-judgemental group of people.

    I had a preemie as well and just that along is enough to shatter a world so I can only imagine what you have been through. I have read the other replies and I also suggest getting a neuropsychologist done. I am in the process of trying to get one set up now for my ADHD/Dyslexic daughter whom I think may have other learning disabilities as well. I believe that therapy and talking to someone (even for yourself as well) would be of great help to your children. My daughter is 8 and I would be sick if any sexual abuse had happened to her so I don't know how you did/do it. One thing you should always be proud of yourself for is sticking up and being their voice. They will forever be greatful for that.

    I am very sorry to hear about your grandfather, mother and your lab. My mom is my rock and I know it must had made things 100 times harder for you. Like so many others have said, feel free to post whenever and whatever (Lord knows I have.. lol) and know that you will receive more information and support here than anywhere else :)
     
  12. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    Thank u so much. Losing my mom shattered my world. I'm an only child and she was a single mother to me. Her passing on bekahs birthday initially felt so unfair that she died on the day of her birth, but I have now concluded that march 25 will never be a day of grief but a day to celebrate her life my daughters and mom. I feel now that day was meant to be that way so I could handle her passing.
    Any one of the mothers here would and have done in one way or another stuck up for their kids. Turning my ex in wasn't hard what was hard was the conclusion that he tried to take away their innocence and that's what I fought to be returned. I would go through that all over again, but if I could I would go back and pay closer attention to the signs.
    I hope together we can get our kids on the track so they can all be all we know they can be. I look t this learning disability a very small inconvenience that I will fight to fix.
    Lots of love
     
  13. myeverything04

    myeverything04 New Member

    I think you are looking at this day in the best possible way! The older I get, the harder death is to me. I know most would think the exact opposite, but find myself asking more and more questions... how, why, was there anything I could have done, etc. My mother didn't grow up in a very loving household at all and was treated differently as she was the "step-kid" when her father remarried. She tried to keep a close relationship with her dad but 'lost' him to the wicked step-mother. Right before he died, he said something to my mom no one in our family will ever forget. Something my mom struggled with for years, feeling like she was a piece of s**t daughter. Well, it just so happened that my daughter was born on the same day her dad passed away (not same year, thank God). None the less, she realized that day was so much more important than before.
     
  14. southermama3

    southermama3 New Member

    That story is amazing.
    My bio dad left my mother when I was 9mos old. I had a lot of medical problems which kept her upset constantly and she feared I would die ( I had seizures and they stopped at age 15 and resurfaced at age 27) unfortunately she was with me alone when my gmaw seizures resurfaced. She climbed to the top of my hospital bed and kept screaming for me not to leave her. When I came to I had the nurses remove her bc I knew I was going to go into another seizure and a's soon a's the door shut I went into another one. I blame myself for putting her through so much. She was just 52 and will never get the luxury to see her grandkids grow up...at least she got to be there for their csections. Ugh got me crying. Ugh
     
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