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<blockquote data-quote="Ktllc" data-source="post: 578044" data-attributes="member: 11847"><p>Hi and welcome!</p><p>It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Raising a difficult child is never easy and when you add a few sibblings it sure makes it a bit more stressful and complex.</p><p>Right now, we are having issues with Partner who is a easy child because of the stress V creates (not on purpose, just because of his special needs).</p><p>What helped me the most: get to the real "why" V cannot or won't do a task. V's excuse often is "I forgot" "I did not see". I used to take as defiance or lazyness... how can you not see all those toys scattered all over, or this dirty diaper in the middle of your room?!! It still aggravate me, but I have gained a bit of patience about it. Organizational skills are VERY difficult for some of our kids. It does not mean they should not do it, but it means that they might needs more help and support. What your son is saying *might* be an avoidance strategie, trying to hide the true problem: he does not see the clothes, he does not know where to begin. It seems so easy, but in reality it can be very hard.</p><p>Startegies that have helped: using a picture board of the chores. Check one item at a time as it gets done (for us at night: take a shower, brush teeth, put diaper on, wear pj, pick up toys, potty). Sometimes you might have to add more details (shut shower door, close toilet lid) and you might have to start with just a few and increase as he becomes sucessful.</p><p>I still have to remind V to check his board. VERY slow progress, but still progress.</p><p>V also needs to have a very obvious place to put his stuff away. It also cannot have doors otherwise it disappears for him. "out of sight out of mind". I've invested in big plastic bins and open ikea shelves. </p><p>Those are just some ideas. </p><p>V used to have an ODD label until I learned his way of thinking. One thing used to drive me NUTS: I would ask him if he wanted to eat x, y or z. He would tell me no. I would prepare x for myself, put things away. THEN he would tell "Mom, I want x". ARGH! Why couldn't he tell me when I asked him??? the reason: it was too abstract for his way of thinking. He needed to see it in order to be able to answer. Today, he is a bit better but not quite there yet. I usually show him first, it helps him process the information and heps him give an accurate answer.</p><p>My point: try to find out what the heart of the problem is. Could there be a different interpretation of his behavior? What need is he fullfilling by acting the he does, is he using some negative strategies to compensate a deficit?</p><p>Those are not easy questions and are unlikely to be answered in 1 post.</p><p>This board can help you work through it, offer suggestions.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ktllc, post: 578044, member: 11847"] Hi and welcome! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Raising a difficult child is never easy and when you add a few sibblings it sure makes it a bit more stressful and complex. Right now, we are having issues with Partner who is a easy child because of the stress V creates (not on purpose, just because of his special needs). What helped me the most: get to the real "why" V cannot or won't do a task. V's excuse often is "I forgot" "I did not see". I used to take as defiance or lazyness... how can you not see all those toys scattered all over, or this dirty diaper in the middle of your room?!! It still aggravate me, but I have gained a bit of patience about it. Organizational skills are VERY difficult for some of our kids. It does not mean they should not do it, but it means that they might needs more help and support. What your son is saying *might* be an avoidance strategie, trying to hide the true problem: he does not see the clothes, he does not know where to begin. It seems so easy, but in reality it can be very hard. Startegies that have helped: using a picture board of the chores. Check one item at a time as it gets done (for us at night: take a shower, brush teeth, put diaper on, wear pj, pick up toys, potty). Sometimes you might have to add more details (shut shower door, close toilet lid) and you might have to start with just a few and increase as he becomes sucessful. I still have to remind V to check his board. VERY slow progress, but still progress. V also needs to have a very obvious place to put his stuff away. It also cannot have doors otherwise it disappears for him. "out of sight out of mind". I've invested in big plastic bins and open ikea shelves. Those are just some ideas. V used to have an ODD label until I learned his way of thinking. One thing used to drive me NUTS: I would ask him if he wanted to eat x, y or z. He would tell me no. I would prepare x for myself, put things away. THEN he would tell "Mom, I want x". ARGH! Why couldn't he tell me when I asked him??? the reason: it was too abstract for his way of thinking. He needed to see it in order to be able to answer. Today, he is a bit better but not quite there yet. I usually show him first, it helps him process the information and heps him give an accurate answer. My point: try to find out what the heart of the problem is. Could there be a different interpretation of his behavior? What need is he fullfilling by acting the he does, is he using some negative strategies to compensate a deficit? Those are not easy questions and are unlikely to be answered in 1 post. This board can help you work through it, offer suggestions. [/QUOTE]
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