New Here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SprinkleMeLola, Oct 26, 2007.

  1. SprinkleMeLola

    SprinkleMeLola New Member

    Hi everyone! I am very new to this forum...this is my first post!!! My 9 y/o stepdaughter was recently diagnosis with ADHD & ODD. Looking back, there have been signs for years, but it wasn't until she tried to push her half-sister down the stairs that her mother began to take notice. She is constantly challenging her mother's authority, and any other adult except my husband. We live over 1000 miles away (moving within 30 miles of her in July) and my husband does the best he can. A stern tone from him causes her to tear up. Her therapist seems to think that him being so far away from her is compounding her other issues (I agree, it's why we decided to move). His son, our easy child, is afraid of his sister because he thinks she will do something to him to hurt him.

    Her behavior has always been iffy toward her mother, but her recent escalations (jumping out of her window, wetting herself, etc) have caused us to rush our move. We were planning on moving out there next December, before we found out her diagnosis. We aren't forced to deal with her on a daily basis, and I know that the sweet child that she portrays to us really IS her, but I also know that we will see the other side of her soon after we move.

    I thought that, by joining the forum now, I could get a jump start on some of the issues we face so that we may be better prepared when we move. I have some experience with ADHD and ODD, because my brother had both. However, at the time there was no name for ODD. My experience makes me more compassionate to our difficult child, and understanding of our easy child's plight, as I used to be there. However, I don't know NEARLY enough to prepare for what we are facing. Any advice is more than welcome.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    God planning. Welcome. If you can, get husband to post here as well, it can really help with ideas, mutual understanding and communication.

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    SO yer wee lad is a lover of the Capn say ye??

    And whot would yer lass be partial to?

    Welcome aboard mayte.

  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    The one thing you can do now is read The Explosive Child. It has helped many of us. Even if it does nothing more than give you some insights into her mind.

    Another thing worth doing is having her get a complete neuro-psychiatric evaluation as soon as possible. It sounds like more may be going on than ADHD/ODD. The violence, infliction of pain on younger siblings, newly-started wetting really sound like screams for help. The best places to get this evaluation are a Children's Hospital or a teaching hospital.

    It sounds like she has been violent towards your son in the past. You may want to consider getting some therapy for him and find ways to reassure him that you will protect him from her.

    In the meantime, welcome. Your step-daughter is very lucky to have a second mom in her life that is so caring and a father willing to upheave a new family for her. Hopefully, she will grow into a loving woman much like the loving girl you know best with all of your help.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Aye. Read ye the Explosive Child.

    And pay ye not any attention to The Loan Ranger, savvy?

    She be a few sails short of a Pirate ship, she be.

  6. SaraT

    SaraT New Member


    By asking before dealing with her you are ahead of the game. :thumbsup:

    I too have an ADHD/ODD child and know it can be difficult. The Explosive Child book helped me understand my child better, but not all ideas, on controlling her behavior, in it worked.

    I agree with the others who stated it sounds like something else is going on. I would get a full evaluation as they have suggested. My child's diagnosis keeps changing as more symptoms appear, so it never hurts to be thorough.

    Again, Welcome. :coffee:
  7. RyMas

    RyMas New Member

    Welcome! This is a great site. I have just joined and have learned a great deal of information from these great parents.
  8. SprinkleMeLola

    SprinkleMeLola New Member

    difficult child is in on-going therapy, and her therapist has asked my husband if she could also see our easy child. She HAS hurt him in the past, but I think it is as much her anger toward her mother that scares him. I think she blames her mother for her father being so far away. She has ALWAYS been terribly attached to him, even as a small baby. I've known for over a year that she needed to be evaluated, but my husband couldn't convince his ex-wife of it. I only wish she had been diagnosed sooner.

    Her therapist doesn't seem as alarmed by her violent actions as I was. Violence is not outside the realm of ODD, but, if not addressed, could lead to much bigger problems. My goal is to give her the most support and love that I can, while firmly giving her boundaries. She is, at heart, a very sweet child. I think there is so much inside her that she doesn't understand.

    Me lass is partial to princesses, fairies, and the color pink. =)

    And...I am a few sails short of a Pirate Ship myself, so we should get along famously.

    P.S. I've already informed my husband that he is joining the board.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome.

    Being a parent of one sibling hurting the other, I'm very hesitant to bring the hurt child into therapy with difficult child. Having said that, it's been tried here & resulted in a power trip in difficult child (wm) & chaos & fear in kt. It wasn't worth the pain it caused kt. And these 2 are twins (with a far more abusive chaotic hx than yours - so keep that in mind).

    When kt & wm visit, it's with 2 therapists, one PCA for kt & one Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) worker for wm, along with husband & myself.

    kt will be protected; wm will be watched & pulled from the situation when necessary.

    If you pull easy child into therapy with your difficult child please have strict guidelines in place beforehand. It's in your PCs best interest. It's not all about difficult child.

    Just my 2 cents.
  10. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is she on any medication? What kind of doctor diagnosed her? Any psychiatric problems on either side of the family tree? I'm wondering if she could use a second opinion about her diagnosis. We've done the misdiagnoses game a lot with my son, and in my opinion it sounds like more than ADHD/ODD. The violence SHOULD worry the therapist, and I'd want to assess this child elsewhere to see if maybe she has a mood disorder. Can't hurt to get another fresh opinion, especially a neuropsychologist who does intensive testing. Most professionals don't. in my opinion this is more than about missing her mother, but that can't help. I'd see re-evaluate her.
    Welcome to the board!
  11. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    Wanted to add my hello and welcome. :smile:
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! Glad you found us.

    One thing that is difficult for DHs to understand is the non-traditional parenting techniques that tend to be more helpful to a difficult child. Detaching, letting some things slide - can make a less stressful invironment for all involved. Sometimes it is more about suvival than the 'right' thing.