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New .... intro and shameless plea for support
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 348261" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Dash</p><p> </p><p>Learning to shift your relationship is probably the hardest part of parenting an adult child. I started way back when my kids were in Jr. High (easing them into decision making, responsiblity, ect)....and I still had trouble, although not as much as some parents I know.</p><p> </p><p>Talking about boys can be rough on a Mom. I'm the sort where it's impossible to shock me, embarrass me, or even get a rise out of me when I chose not to. This helps immensely because they're never able to bait me into reacting. So lying to me just isn't much fun. I've practiced long and hard at biting my tongue. So much so that at times I wonder how I have one left. I do a lot of head bobbing. But the most I do is just listen. With my girls, the trick seems to be to keep them talking to the point where they figure out what they want/need to do on their own. </p><p> </p><p>I think my biggest question with your difficult child is why she feels the need to find a boyfriend online instead of the usual typical way......which is lots safer and she has a better chance of getting to know who he is instead of a pack of lies. Does she have anxiety about meeting people? How does she do with her peers? How does she do socially other than this? Because it looks like it's developing into a pattern.....and patterns usually have sources......even if it's something silly like she's too lazy to go out and meet someone.</p><p> </p><p>Also a handy thing I've done when my girls slid past the 18 mark........I actively participate in a friendship with them. We go out to eat together, go to the movies, go shopping (and no I don't buy them a thing lol).....fun stuff that is just the girls hanging out sort of thing. While I'll always be their mother (I was very disappointed to find out I was not going to get to retire from that role lol ) I no longer have to participate in active parenting. So now I get to be their friend and their mother.<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite8" alt=":D" title="Big Grin :D" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":D" /> </p><p> </p><p>Of course the friendship part depends on just how difficult child the kid is and you're interests and such. I have an easier time because the 3 of us share loads of similar interests.</p><p> </p><p>Detachment and parenting an adult child takes loads of practice, and quite a bit of trial and error.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 348261, member: 84"] Dash Learning to shift your relationship is probably the hardest part of parenting an adult child. I started way back when my kids were in Jr. High (easing them into decision making, responsiblity, ect)....and I still had trouble, although not as much as some parents I know. Talking about boys can be rough on a Mom. I'm the sort where it's impossible to shock me, embarrass me, or even get a rise out of me when I chose not to. This helps immensely because they're never able to bait me into reacting. So lying to me just isn't much fun. I've practiced long and hard at biting my tongue. So much so that at times I wonder how I have one left. I do a lot of head bobbing. But the most I do is just listen. With my girls, the trick seems to be to keep them talking to the point where they figure out what they want/need to do on their own. I think my biggest question with your difficult child is why she feels the need to find a boyfriend online instead of the usual typical way......which is lots safer and she has a better chance of getting to know who he is instead of a pack of lies. Does she have anxiety about meeting people? How does she do with her peers? How does she do socially other than this? Because it looks like it's developing into a pattern.....and patterns usually have sources......even if it's something silly like she's too lazy to go out and meet someone. Also a handy thing I've done when my girls slid past the 18 mark........I actively participate in a friendship with them. We go out to eat together, go to the movies, go shopping (and no I don't buy them a thing lol).....fun stuff that is just the girls hanging out sort of thing. While I'll always be their mother (I was very disappointed to find out I was not going to get to retire from that role lol ) I no longer have to participate in active parenting. So now I get to be their friend and their mother.:happy: Of course the friendship part depends on just how difficult child the kid is and you're interests and such. I have an easier time because the 3 of us share loads of similar interests. Detachment and parenting an adult child takes loads of practice, and quite a bit of trial and error. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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