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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 413376" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>True, but talking animals at age 10 can still merely be a manifestation of a vivid imagination. I know I had imaginary friends when I was little; we used to ride our bikes together. I remember it clearly. Yes, I would be concerned about schizophrenia, but I would be wary of jumping too fast on that possible bandwagon. Once you go down that path it's hard to back away and accept you possibly got it wrong.</p><p></p><p>I am concerned also that something has happened to her. It could be teasing (and some kids can be truly horrible in the effect they can have on others). Or it could be something that was said that is prying on her mind. If it's a bout you or your partner, your daughter could be burying it because she doesn't want to hurt you with it. The example I can give you is the change in easy child we noticed when she was 5 - she started to behave oddly at times, seemed to regress socially but only in some ways, was difficult at times and very argumentative. I would turn up to collect her form school to find her showing her bare bottom to the boys, and she said they told me to, then would get sullen. It turned out she had been sexually abused at school by a 7 year old. That sounds bizarre, but the worst damage was what the kid said to her - "I am going to have sex with you. Sex hurts. You can't tell anyone or I'll send my dad round to your house and he will kill your mother by running over her with his lawnmower."</p><p>She grew up terrified of sex, determined she was never going to have sex and certainly never have children (because to have a baby, you have to have sex first and sex hurts). We went through purgatory with her, but by the time she was 10 she had forgotten the abuse. She only kew it had happened because she had finally told me, two years after it happened. But she would not tell me any details. Only what I have put here now. it is all we will ever know, now. We got her into therapy but it was too little, too late. She is doing well now but I can still see the damage - she is the only one of my kids to have a serious weight problem, and it began soon after the abuse. She is a physically active person, always has been, so should not be so badly overweight, but has been using food in an acquisitive way since childhood. I know some abuse victims do this, almost subconsciously keeping themselves unattractive in order to not be targetted by abusers.</p><p></p><p>Abuse is more likely where the custodial parents are not the genetic parents. It is more likely, the more distantly related a person is from the victim. And it is not always an adult, or even a sexually mature individual. Penetration may or may not happen and can be a substituted object. The damage is the fear and control, not so much the act itself. The context.</p><p></p><p>Abuse also need not be sexual. Pure fear can be engendered so easily, especially in an imaginative child. other kids can do a lot of harm without meaning to. Of course, if they aim to do harm, they can be very successful.</p><p></p><p>Regarding the ODD you've had suggested - whether or not it is an issue for real, if you are experiencing the sort of problems that lead someone to suggest ODD, then read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Get it out of your library today. Just reading it will help you.</p><p></p><p>Another suggestion - get your partner to lurk here or post here. You both need to understand the issues and what is going on, in each other's head. This helps. It really does. You wouldn't be the only same-sex couple here, either. We can help her too, in terms of her role as step-parent. We have steps here as well. It brings a different set of problems.</p><p></p><p>I'm glad you found us. Hope we can help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 413376, member: 1991"] True, but talking animals at age 10 can still merely be a manifestation of a vivid imagination. I know I had imaginary friends when I was little; we used to ride our bikes together. I remember it clearly. Yes, I would be concerned about schizophrenia, but I would be wary of jumping too fast on that possible bandwagon. Once you go down that path it's hard to back away and accept you possibly got it wrong. I am concerned also that something has happened to her. It could be teasing (and some kids can be truly horrible in the effect they can have on others). Or it could be something that was said that is prying on her mind. If it's a bout you or your partner, your daughter could be burying it because she doesn't want to hurt you with it. The example I can give you is the change in easy child we noticed when she was 5 - she started to behave oddly at times, seemed to regress socially but only in some ways, was difficult at times and very argumentative. I would turn up to collect her form school to find her showing her bare bottom to the boys, and she said they told me to, then would get sullen. It turned out she had been sexually abused at school by a 7 year old. That sounds bizarre, but the worst damage was what the kid said to her - "I am going to have sex with you. Sex hurts. You can't tell anyone or I'll send my dad round to your house and he will kill your mother by running over her with his lawnmower." She grew up terrified of sex, determined she was never going to have sex and certainly never have children (because to have a baby, you have to have sex first and sex hurts). We went through purgatory with her, but by the time she was 10 she had forgotten the abuse. She only kew it had happened because she had finally told me, two years after it happened. But she would not tell me any details. Only what I have put here now. it is all we will ever know, now. We got her into therapy but it was too little, too late. She is doing well now but I can still see the damage - she is the only one of my kids to have a serious weight problem, and it began soon after the abuse. She is a physically active person, always has been, so should not be so badly overweight, but has been using food in an acquisitive way since childhood. I know some abuse victims do this, almost subconsciously keeping themselves unattractive in order to not be targetted by abusers. Abuse is more likely where the custodial parents are not the genetic parents. It is more likely, the more distantly related a person is from the victim. And it is not always an adult, or even a sexually mature individual. Penetration may or may not happen and can be a substituted object. The damage is the fear and control, not so much the act itself. The context. Abuse also need not be sexual. Pure fear can be engendered so easily, especially in an imaginative child. other kids can do a lot of harm without meaning to. Of course, if they aim to do harm, they can be very successful. Regarding the ODD you've had suggested - whether or not it is an issue for real, if you are experiencing the sort of problems that lead someone to suggest ODD, then read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Get it out of your library today. Just reading it will help you. Another suggestion - get your partner to lurk here or post here. You both need to understand the issues and what is going on, in each other's head. This helps. It really does. You wouldn't be the only same-sex couple here, either. We can help her too, in terms of her role as step-parent. We have steps here as well. It brings a different set of problems. I'm glad you found us. Hope we can help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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