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New member: Feel like I'm crumbling
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<blockquote data-quote="nlj" data-source="post: 632459" data-attributes="member: 17650"><p>Hi Crumbling. Where are you from? I'm in Wales. I found this site earlier this year when I was in the depths of despair about my son. He's 27 and spent a lot of his teens and early 20s suffering with depression and found dealing with a job very hard. He'd been working on minimum wage since finishing university and couldn't afford rent etc and he got in a terrible state with trying to claim housing benefit and working tax credits, which he was entitled to, but the system just beat him down. He finds it extremely hard to deal with anything official or anyone in charge telling him what to do and just despises most of society. He chucked his job last October and made himself homeless. He doesn't work or claim benefits now, he's just managing with nothing and has opted out of society. He's been squatting and sleeping in the forest with a group of eco-warriors and manages by scavenging food thrown into skips by supermarkets. He's very idealistic and very angry, although a lot less angry than when he was trying to live in a city and hold down a job. That's just a brief background - anyway, how are you? It's quite hard to find good support in the UK as you know, and this site has become my support network. It's full of people with similar stories and good advice. The main advice is to <strong>look after yourself</strong>. From your post it sounds as if you have really tried to help your son and that he has been given loads of help and chances to sort himself out. It gets to a point when you have to accept that you are not helping and that you are just making yourself ill. It gets to a point when you have to accept that your son is an adult and it is HIS life and his choices and his responsibility. You can't do any more and you can't solve his problems, because they're his problems, not yours. I know this is hard to get your head around, but it has changed my life and I now have a much better relationship with my son because I have just left him to it. I've just accepted that he is who he is and that he wants to live like this. You don't say if your son has a drug habit. Mine doesn't. If he does you could try Turning Point as they have a lot of support services, also Shelter of course to get help with housing, but maybe you've already used those organisations. It's not for you to contact them for him though, as you know the DSS and other places won't speak to you as his mother, he has to do it all himself. If he has all this information and knows what he needs to do, then you can't do anything other than look after yourself. We talk a lot on this site about detaching and accepting. That doesn't mean not having anything to do with him. If you read through other posts you will get the idea. There's loads more to say, but I have to go now. I will post again later this evening. Tell us some more about your son if you feel able to do that and about how you are coping with all this. Try and be nice to yourself today and treat yourself. Hugs x</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="nlj, post: 632459, member: 17650"] Hi Crumbling. Where are you from? I'm in Wales. I found this site earlier this year when I was in the depths of despair about my son. He's 27 and spent a lot of his teens and early 20s suffering with depression and found dealing with a job very hard. He'd been working on minimum wage since finishing university and couldn't afford rent etc and he got in a terrible state with trying to claim housing benefit and working tax credits, which he was entitled to, but the system just beat him down. He finds it extremely hard to deal with anything official or anyone in charge telling him what to do and just despises most of society. He chucked his job last October and made himself homeless. He doesn't work or claim benefits now, he's just managing with nothing and has opted out of society. He's been squatting and sleeping in the forest with a group of eco-warriors and manages by scavenging food thrown into skips by supermarkets. He's very idealistic and very angry, although a lot less angry than when he was trying to live in a city and hold down a job. That's just a brief background - anyway, how are you? It's quite hard to find good support in the UK as you know, and this site has become my support network. It's full of people with similar stories and good advice. The main advice is to [B]look after yourself[/B]. From your post it sounds as if you have really tried to help your son and that he has been given loads of help and chances to sort himself out. It gets to a point when you have to accept that you are not helping and that you are just making yourself ill. It gets to a point when you have to accept that your son is an adult and it is HIS life and his choices and his responsibility. You can't do any more and you can't solve his problems, because they're his problems, not yours. I know this is hard to get your head around, but it has changed my life and I now have a much better relationship with my son because I have just left him to it. I've just accepted that he is who he is and that he wants to live like this. You don't say if your son has a drug habit. Mine doesn't. If he does you could try Turning Point as they have a lot of support services, also Shelter of course to get help with housing, but maybe you've already used those organisations. It's not for you to contact them for him though, as you know the DSS and other places won't speak to you as his mother, he has to do it all himself. If he has all this information and knows what he needs to do, then you can't do anything other than look after yourself. We talk a lot on this site about detaching and accepting. That doesn't mean not having anything to do with him. If you read through other posts you will get the idea. There's loads more to say, but I have to go now. I will post again later this evening. Tell us some more about your son if you feel able to do that and about how you are coping with all this. Try and be nice to yourself today and treat yourself. Hugs x [/QUOTE]
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