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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670275" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hello Believe, (Not "Wavering" as I responded to that old post) Welcome to our little corner of the internet, so sorry that you had to find your way here, but, nonetheless-welcome!</p><p></p><p>Your name shows your strength Believe. Believe in yourself, believe in your value, believe, what a nice name.</p><p></p><p>Ten years is a long time. I think that is how a lot of us transitioned from our mothering in to enabling, if our D c's started out with troubles as teenagers, we were on the journey with them from the beginning, trying our darndest to fix whatever was broken. Sucked in to the vortex, detaching can be difficult, feeling more like abandonment at times. You sound like you have done very well in putting your foot down-that is awesome. Our children as they grow in to adults are completely responsible for their choices.</p><p></p><p>This is good Believe, you and your hubby did the right thing. Our daughters thought nothing of breaking in to our house through the screens. If we had trusted them, they would have had keys.Looking back, we should have put a stop to this immediately. Several screens and many years later, we have finally cut the cord. I am glad that you came to realization much sooner and saved yourself the misery.</p><p></p><p>Blame/guilt. My D c's played this game. I fell for it, for many years, knowing I had made mistakes (who doesn't?) and taking advantage of my apologetic nature. An old Tahitian friend</p><p>had a simple saying "NO Blame." He said it all the time. Reflecting back, those two words have much meaning. "Take responsibility for your own actions." "NO Blame." Ten years of trying. Yup, been there, done that, DONE.</p><p></p><p>Detached is good, Believe. Even if our adult children are doing well, detached is good. Our children as grown adults are supposed to be off on their own, living their lives. I love your reaction, it is perfect. I have come to realize that when our D c's are busy blaming us for everything under the sun, <em>it prevents them from looking in the mirror. </em>They need to focus on their own choices and the resulting consequences in order to want to make a different path.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You are absolutely correct, your son can find his own way, and must. We will not be around forever to pick up the pieces.</p><p>Even if we did continue to rescue them, they would somehow find a way to still <em>resent </em>us for it, yes?</p><p></p><p>Adult children on drugs are chaotic, highs so high, and lows so low. Living with denial, desperation, degradation, ugh, so demoralizing. No time to breath, one crazy episode after another, living in the --now what?????</p><p></p><p>It is <em>not wrong</em> to feel free. I feel the same way.</p><p></p><p>It is not so much that we are free of our D c's. they will always be our children, we are free from the chains of their addiction and addictive personalities. Free from the whirlwind of emotions they dredge up from deep within our mother hearts.</p><p></p><p>A blessed peacefulness has enveloped my house. I hope the same for you, Believe.</p><p></p><p>It sounds like you have achieved that.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670275, member: 19522"] Hello Believe, (Not "Wavering" as I responded to that old post) Welcome to our little corner of the internet, so sorry that you had to find your way here, but, nonetheless-welcome! Your name shows your strength Believe. Believe in yourself, believe in your value, believe, what a nice name. Ten years is a long time. I think that is how a lot of us transitioned from our mothering in to enabling, if our D c's started out with troubles as teenagers, we were on the journey with them from the beginning, trying our darndest to fix whatever was broken. Sucked in to the vortex, detaching can be difficult, feeling more like abandonment at times. You sound like you have done very well in putting your foot down-that is awesome. Our children as they grow in to adults are completely responsible for their choices. This is good Believe, you and your hubby did the right thing. Our daughters thought nothing of breaking in to our house through the screens. If we had trusted them, they would have had keys.Looking back, we should have put a stop to this immediately. Several screens and many years later, we have finally cut the cord. I am glad that you came to realization much sooner and saved yourself the misery. Blame/guilt. My D c's played this game. I fell for it, for many years, knowing I had made mistakes (who doesn't?) and taking advantage of my apologetic nature. An old Tahitian friend had a simple saying "NO Blame." He said it all the time. Reflecting back, those two words have much meaning. "Take responsibility for your own actions." "NO Blame." Ten years of trying. Yup, been there, done that, DONE. Detached is good, Believe. Even if our adult children are doing well, detached is good. Our children as grown adults are supposed to be off on their own, living their lives. I love your reaction, it is perfect. I have come to realize that when our D c's are busy blaming us for everything under the sun, [I]it prevents them from looking in the mirror. [/I]They need to focus on their own choices and the resulting consequences in order to want to make a different path. You are absolutely correct, your son can find his own way, and must. We will not be around forever to pick up the pieces. Even if we did continue to rescue them, they would somehow find a way to still [I]resent [/I]us for it, yes? Adult children on drugs are chaotic, highs so high, and lows so low. Living with denial, desperation, degradation, ugh, so demoralizing. No time to breath, one crazy episode after another, living in the --now what????? It is [I]not wrong[/I] to feel free. I feel the same way. It is not so much that we are free of our D c's. they will always be our children, we are free from the chains of their addiction and addictive personalities. Free from the whirlwind of emotions they dredge up from deep within our mother hearts. A blessed peacefulness has enveloped my house. I hope the same for you, Believe. It sounds like you have achieved that. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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