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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670332" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Believe,</p><p></p><p>My Dad had a favorite saying "It is what it is."</p><p></p><p>So simple and yet so<em> complex</em>.</p><p></p><p>If we all looked back in our lives and tried to find answers to why our adult children make the choices they do, we could <em>all</em> find plenty of ammo for them to shoot back at us as to reasons <em>why </em>they are what they are.</p><p></p><p>Why do I write this? Because we are all <em>HUMAN</em>! We all make mistakes. Life can be hard sometimes, full of ups and downs, twists and turns. We are all trying to make our way.</p><p></p><p>If we could turn back the hands of time and make things different, we probably would. But we can't.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I went through some very rough times. It was hell for all of us. We still go through rough times. My two probably blame me for staying.</p><p></p><p>If I left, they would blame me for leaving.</p><p></p><p>The road our children choose as adults is their road.</p><p></p><p>Do our pasts influence us all, shape us all? Yes. It is up to us all as individuals to take what we have experienced, the good with the bad, find the meaning of it and live our lives with purpose.</p><p></p><p>Don't be so hard on yourself dear. The struggle we have watching our children stumble and fall is pain enough. We recount our lives and say, what if I did this, or that, would it be different?</p><p></p><p>I don't think so. I think when our adult children fall by the wayside with drugs, and get stuck, it is because they have addictive tendencies. They will tell us, "Its because you did this, or you did that". The problem is, while they are looking at us, blaming us, they are not looking in the mirror, trying to understand themselves, so they can get out of the hole they dig themselves into.</p><p></p><p>My history is different from yours. I went through the same recounting and fell into the guilt trap. It kept me in the enabling game for far too long.</p><p></p><p>I can't change the past. I am sorry for the mistakes I made.</p><p></p><p>It is up to my adult children to want a better life, to look towards their future.</p><p></p><p>You had a troubled marriage. You found the love of your life.</p><p></p><p>The cause of your sons problems are the choices he is making.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for what you are going through. It is very, very tough.</p><p></p><p>You are on the right track with giving your son his wings to fly, letting him find his way through this.</p><p></p><p>The gift you can give yourself is focusing on you and living your life to the fullest.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670332, member: 19522"] Hi Believe, My Dad had a favorite saying "It is what it is." So simple and yet so[I] complex[/I]. If we all looked back in our lives and tried to find answers to why our adult children make the choices they do, we could [I]all[/I] find plenty of ammo for them to shoot back at us as to reasons [I]why [/I]they are what they are. Why do I write this? Because we are all [I]HUMAN[/I]! We all make mistakes. Life can be hard sometimes, full of ups and downs, twists and turns. We are all trying to make our way. If we could turn back the hands of time and make things different, we probably would. But we can't. My husband and I went through some very rough times. It was hell for all of us. We still go through rough times. My two probably blame me for staying. If I left, they would blame me for leaving. The road our children choose as adults is their road. Do our pasts influence us all, shape us all? Yes. It is up to us all as individuals to take what we have experienced, the good with the bad, find the meaning of it and live our lives with purpose. Don't be so hard on yourself dear. The struggle we have watching our children stumble and fall is pain enough. We recount our lives and say, what if I did this, or that, would it be different? I don't think so. I think when our adult children fall by the wayside with drugs, and get stuck, it is because they have addictive tendencies. They will tell us, "Its because you did this, or you did that". The problem is, while they are looking at us, blaming us, they are not looking in the mirror, trying to understand themselves, so they can get out of the hole they dig themselves into. My history is different from yours. I went through the same recounting and fell into the guilt trap. It kept me in the enabling game for far too long. I can't change the past. I am sorry for the mistakes I made. It is up to my adult children to want a better life, to look towards their future. You had a troubled marriage. You found the love of your life. The cause of your sons problems are the choices he is making. I am sorry for what you are going through. It is very, very tough. You are on the right track with giving your son his wings to fly, letting him find his way through this. The gift you can give yourself is focusing on you and living your life to the fullest. Leafy [/QUOTE]
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