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Substance Abuse
New member - Just found out 15 y/o difficult child using alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 524875" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and welcome, CG! I come to this issue and forum with a different perspective than a parent. I am the adult sister of an alcoholic who started drinking when he was 12 adn I was 9. I knew, and told, and was punished for lying because he lied a ton better than I did. We are both adult grandkids of alcoholics and he has mental health issues other than sub abuse but won't admit to anything but adhd which is the tiniest part of his problems. I even gave up seeing the only psychiatrist in our town for my own therapy because she (psychiatrist) couldn't see us both because conflict of interest because most of my issues came from him and things he did to me that were abusive and the incredible codependency of our mother with him. My kids are 12, 16 and 20 and so far we have not had this issue. But they have seen their uncle drunk and sober and dealt with bad things from him in both states.</p><p></p><p>I totally agree that there are other issues driving her sub abuse issues. Get her medications tweaked and don't trust her. I am sure you are aware of adult children of alcoholics, and that other holics like workaholics are similar in behaviors. adult grandchldren, which I am as neither of my parents had addiction issues but both were adult children and adult grands, have their own problems too. I know of one book about adult grandchildren, and it might be good for you to read it and to think about it in regard to her. it is far easier to stop indulging in the substance than to change the behavior.</p><p></p><p>MWM is right about the positive groups being slower to include new people in their groups. the druggies accept anyone pretty much no matter what, but the 'good' kids have standards and tight groups and don't warm to new people as easily because they are busy and involved and invested and don't always want the bother. so it is hard to get involved with the good kids and the druggies will accept anyone. </p><p></p><p>don't trust her easily. Make her get some help for people who use substances, not just see her counselor and be in activities with the 'good' groups. she NEeDS the help for sub abusers in addition to the supervision and other things. While the 12 steps are the same for any group pretty much, the actual help for those who are addicts is different than for families to some degree. she clearly needs that, and a sponsor is one of the most powerful tools an addict has because they can spot the bs long before anyone who wasn't an addict can.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry that she made these choices, and I hope that your experience iwll help. just don't forget that she needs you to be her mom and not her therapist/sponsor/sub abuse counselor. She can have many of those in her life but only one mom - and that role is crucial and far more important. Get others to do the other roles and focus on being her mom. I know it sounds strange, but you can't do all of those things for one person. she needs different people to fill those roles. Just like you could be the counselor but not the sponsor for a client, Know what I mean?? she can't ever be yoru client - she needs that tough but unconditional love that only a parent can give her.</p><p></p><p>Welcome - you have found an amazing group and a fabulous source of info and support that will never judge you. kick your pants if you need it, but never judge you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 524875, member: 1233"] Hi and welcome, CG! I come to this issue and forum with a different perspective than a parent. I am the adult sister of an alcoholic who started drinking when he was 12 adn I was 9. I knew, and told, and was punished for lying because he lied a ton better than I did. We are both adult grandkids of alcoholics and he has mental health issues other than sub abuse but won't admit to anything but adhd which is the tiniest part of his problems. I even gave up seeing the only psychiatrist in our town for my own therapy because she (psychiatrist) couldn't see us both because conflict of interest because most of my issues came from him and things he did to me that were abusive and the incredible codependency of our mother with him. My kids are 12, 16 and 20 and so far we have not had this issue. But they have seen their uncle drunk and sober and dealt with bad things from him in both states. I totally agree that there are other issues driving her sub abuse issues. Get her medications tweaked and don't trust her. I am sure you are aware of adult children of alcoholics, and that other holics like workaholics are similar in behaviors. adult grandchldren, which I am as neither of my parents had addiction issues but both were adult children and adult grands, have their own problems too. I know of one book about adult grandchildren, and it might be good for you to read it and to think about it in regard to her. it is far easier to stop indulging in the substance than to change the behavior. MWM is right about the positive groups being slower to include new people in their groups. the druggies accept anyone pretty much no matter what, but the 'good' kids have standards and tight groups and don't warm to new people as easily because they are busy and involved and invested and don't always want the bother. so it is hard to get involved with the good kids and the druggies will accept anyone. don't trust her easily. Make her get some help for people who use substances, not just see her counselor and be in activities with the 'good' groups. she NEeDS the help for sub abusers in addition to the supervision and other things. While the 12 steps are the same for any group pretty much, the actual help for those who are addicts is different than for families to some degree. she clearly needs that, and a sponsor is one of the most powerful tools an addict has because they can spot the bs long before anyone who wasn't an addict can. I am so sorry that she made these choices, and I hope that your experience iwll help. just don't forget that she needs you to be her mom and not her therapist/sponsor/sub abuse counselor. She can have many of those in her life but only one mom - and that role is crucial and far more important. Get others to do the other roles and focus on being her mom. I know it sounds strange, but you can't do all of those things for one person. she needs different people to fill those roles. Just like you could be the counselor but not the sponsor for a client, Know what I mean?? she can't ever be yoru client - she needs that tough but unconditional love that only a parent can give her. Welcome - you have found an amazing group and a fabulous source of info and support that will never judge you. kick your pants if you need it, but never judge you! [/QUOTE]
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New member - Just found out 15 y/o difficult child using alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes
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