New Member Looking for tips

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Morningglory, Aug 26, 2011.

  1. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    Hi, I'm a New member in desperate hopes to find other Moms dealing with Bipolar and ODD, ADHD children. My 12 year old is Bipolar/ ODD and ADHD. My 16 year old is Autistic. I feel like I need to be a Split personality to parent the 2 of them because they are in Need of 2 different parenting styles. I am some what new to my city no friends and relatives. the Closest to adult conversation I ever have is with my Husband 1 hr every night. I'm struggling right now with many issues. thank goodness it's after bed time for the house hold cause I really needed this beer( I don't drink often)... and to type this out. I spend most nights after bed time crying and thinking of ways to get a break, Grocery shopping seems to be my only break. I recently enrolled myself into counseling once a week so I would have someone to puke my emotions up on. Lately before this counselor it's been my toilet when it's a bad day. Lets hope I can connect with someone that can relate soon. When I google searched for support groups of ODD / Bipolar this site came up for my general area. If I tossed all my problems out in this one post, I'm pretty sure someone would kick me off this site or something. maybe I'll go at it slowly if I find this helpful.

    Desperate House mother/ wife VA.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Welcome to our little corner of the world. Very sorry you were driven to the point of having to find us.

    First of all, you are welcome to tell us most anything. With the experiences of everyone on this board put together, we have been there done that a million times over. There is nothing we haven't heard before.

    Second, give yourself a huge pat on the back for taking the initiative to take care of you. Counseling is a great idea. Not only can you spill your guts there (and here too), you can get help processing them. Good for you.

    Third, I can sympathize with the two different kinds of parenting. Both my sons are on the autism spectrum but they are still so different that what works for one does NOT work for the other. Is there any chance your bipolar/ODD child isn't also on the spectrum somewhere? There is such a variation in symptoms on the spectrum that if I wasn't living it, I would have a hard time believing both of mine have the same basic diagnosis but display things soooooo differently.

    Now, when you are ready, fill us in on more specifics of what you are dealing with. Share what you want when you want. We are here to listen, offer support, and offer our experiences. Take what you want/need and leave the rest.

    {{{{(((HUGHS)))}}}} to you.
  3. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    Thank you for the warm welcome. I have to say tho, first off, I never thought I would lose control enough of what was going on in my house until now my 12 year old ( ODD/ Bipolar) is in trouble with the law. I am not allowed to be specific about the happenings only because it is an open case and it is between kids younger than 13. I think I just don't know how to handle this situation. heck, I didn't even know the real rights of the law and the rights for my child. They never read him any rights I had to higher an attorney for $5,000 to go tell my child his rights. I had never felt more out of my skin till they put hand cuffs on my little boy and took him to a shelter for that weekend. I have never been away from my children. ever... I have been a mother since I was 17 years old. not once did I ever believe that anyone could walk into my home and force one of my children out of it. I now lock my doors and have video cameras up and I worry that Police and investigators and anyone can just waltz into your home and take your kids no matter what because no one will tell you your rights and don't act as if they need to. ok I vented.. this is just a tiny bit of what is happening in my life and I need to be the strong backbone for my beautiful family. no matter what? I love them so much .. Momma bear came out of her cave to protect.

    My personality is quiet, soft spoken, easily intimidated, loving mother, loving wife, loving friend. I will do anything anyone needs me to do for them no matter the reason. My kids are the very most important people to me in the entire world. My husband is also the most important person to me in the entire universe. I will break my back helping a friend ... So Momma bear coming out of her quiet cave to protect her children is where I am today. This is the first time I have needed to do this.

    Voicing frustration..
  4. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    On this board we call mama bears like us "WARRIOR MOMS". We don our shield, armor, and sword whenever we are in a battle for our kids. I hope the lawyer is a good one. My difficult child has come very close but so far we've avoided anything too serious. I do consider myself lucky. I am assuming the situation was pretty severe. Does everyone involved know about his diagnosis's? If not, I would also make that known ASAP. Did your son realize what he was doing? I won't ask any more questions about it.

    My question from my other post stil stands. COULD he be on the spectrum instead of Bipolar/ODD? Around here, many of us believe ODD is just a catchall label for "we don't know what else to call it". Mood swings and what appears to be defiance can also be part of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). That is what my son was diagnosis'd with for 4 years until they realized it was Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) all along. Who diagnosis'd your kids? Are they on any medications? What behaviors do they tend to display that caused you to have them diagnosis'd? How are their behaviors now, over all?

    Again, WELCOME and many, many {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}. Others will be along in the morning. You have definitely come to the right place. You'll love it here!!
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    This is probably the one place in the world where people actually understand the degree of complexity of problems we deal with every day. Each situation is different - but the intensity, the insanity of it all... we all relate to. So if on some really bad day you end up DUMPING... we kinda understand.

    But you do get better answers if the questions are more focused. Just because its hard when responding to cover all the bases.

    I find it helps when people differentiate between "venting" and "requests". Venting is the brain-dump rant, when we're so upset we just can't hold it in. Many on the board will start the post with "This is a vent" or "Just venting...". This tells the rest of us that we're not expected to consume the details and come up with answers - the person needs a soft shoulder right now. Everything else is a "request" - a question, a situation, where others can share their experiences and maybe help us come up with answers. (It took me a while to figure out the difference.)

    Welcome to the board!
  6. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Hi Morningglory! Welcome to our corner of the padded room, we have a pretty good idea how difficult it can be. *hugs*
  7. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Wanted to say hi. I understand about the difference in parenting an autistic child needs vs. a bipolar one. my difficult child 1 was diagnosis bipolar until he had to go stay in a residential treatment center (I just couldn't keep everyone safe.) Then they switched the diagnosis to autism. I think they missed something because difficult child 1 has hallucinations and is hypersexual. Two things I don't think are symptoms of autism. Any way there have been days that I thought were battles of the diagnosis's BiPolar (BP) vs. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) especially when husband gets involved.

    There have been very long posts here. And these wonderful ladies have seen and heard everything under the sun. They also can normally help a lot. Its o.k. to vent about your kids. You won't get kicked off.
  8. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    Living with a high functioning autistic child I don't believe at all he could be autistic. Then again I'm Not an expert. He has seen many psychiatric docs been evaluated, taken tests etc ... No one even brought up the possibility of autism for him. The reasoning of even having him diag. was because of very abnormal behavior and abnormal responses. I'll take you back to the Day I said, "something isn't right, I'm calling the counseling center".

    My then 6 year old child and his older brother were out playing in the back yard, normal boy setting ( water pistols and warm sun) my autistic child comes inside to tell me a frog is jumping , he likes it. Of course coming from a child that doesn't show a lot of emotions and he "likes" something I jump all over the chance to go "mom investigate" with him. It's a frog!! Awesome, Mommy has an aquarium in the garage lets make him a home! I explain to them we need a couple nice sized rocks some sticks maybe even a little dirt and leaves. We make Mr Frog a home and the boys are pretty proud. We put Mr Frog in the boy's room on a dresser so they could watch him. I left the room went to clean my hands and sit down before the dinner rush to get things done in my house. and I went to check on the boys. My autistic son is sitting alone reading a book and rocking gently. I noticed the aquarium was gone. I peeked into the closet and there sat my little man remember he is 6. Just sitting there not talking not crying just face blank, I saw that he had stuck a screw driver through the frogs back. I said What is this! He looked at me and calmly said He made me mad mommy, I told him to jump but he would not listen. This is the day I knew .. Yes boys do weird stuff, but mostly at least show emotion for what they do. I had no Idea that they would diag. him with Bipolar until they started asking me questions, He has every sign of ODD, his mood swings are uncontrollable, He is violent at times but he is learning how to keep the violence a way from people. He really has learned a lot in these past several years, but he continues to make horrible choices that effect others in a negative way. He still throws things ( desks, chairs, pencils, books) the difference is as soon as he does it he does recognize it was a bad choice. but then gets mad at himself for making the wrong choice, I'm afraid he will get mad at himself enough to hurt himself. so far the only thing he did to himself was hurt his own hand by punching stuff.

    He is taking 2- 36mg pills of Concerta along with .5mg of Risperadal in the morning, and a full 1mg Risperadal at night. The Risperadal is helping a lot. I did notice a full night and day difference putting him on this. He started taking it 1.5 years ago. Sometimes I feel like the doctor should get him on 2 mg a day, but she will not go any higher.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    These are all the types of things I went through with my son. Check out Asperger's Syndrome, you might find it very informative. Then get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. That has helped me parent BOTH my kids in a way that works most of the time.
  10. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    remember I'm describing 2 different boys. 1 is autistic, the other is violent. acts out, argues with mom and dad even if I ask him to put his dinner plate in the sink or turn the TV down. I can understand that what I wrote about the 2 boys could be misunderstood. I am sorry. I do have a 16 year old autistic child. He doesn't give me problems at all, the only thing I wish I could do and have done with him his whole life is hug him and express how proud I am of him. He doesn't like touch too much so a quick pat on the back is usually what I can give for him.

    the 12 year old is the one that is angry. I hope this helps.
  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    MG, I have one that is diagnosis'd as both autistic and bi-polar. She is highly functioning, highly intelligent, very emotionally expressive. She's thrown so many chairs she should have an honorary membership in professional wrestling. She's been so "off" (due to a medication reaction) that she spent a week in psychiatric hospital. On the right medication mixes on good days she is a wonderful human being and a joy to be around, she's curious, affectionate, and helpful. On bad days or wrong mixes she is stunningly violent and aggressive, and touching her makes it worse.
  12. Liahona

    Liahona Guest


    When they first told my difficult child 1 was Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) I thought they had flipped. The more time passes and I see it now. Its not regular autism. Its a lack of social skills, ridged thinking, and trouble transitioning. When he went into the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) he was 10 and had the social skills of a 2 yr old. Now he is up to the social skills of a 4/5 yr old. This could describe many diagnosis's but most of difficult child 1's problems come from his lack of social skills. I don't care if they call him a pink elephant as long as he is getting what he needs.

    How are your 12 yr olds social skills? I hope they are taking his diagnosis into account. I'm glad you have a lawyer and hope he is good.
  13. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It sounds like your younger child has some significant issues. Hopefully the juvenile justice system in your area is one of the better ones. Some can actually get access to services that we as parents don't even know exist.

    I don't think you need to worry about the label right now. I do second the recommendation to get "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green as the techniques in it work for many, many hard to parent children regardless of why they are hard to parent.

    I'm glad that you have hired an attorney. Department of Juvenile Justice can be very confusing as they often seem to be making up the rules as they go along. Is your son still in their custody or is he home with you again?
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I see in your other post that you have 18-month old twins as well. I would create a very tight safety plan that includes ensuring that he is never allowed to be alone with them. You said that he hasn't been targeting his violence as people but the stress of the arrest and the already erraticness of puberty can lead to some unpredictable and dangerous behaviors.
  15. keista

    keista New Member

    (((((HUGS))))) and welcome to the board!

    I know about split parenting as well. For me the hardest part is that what is therapeutically really good for one, sets off the other, and vice versa. So, half the recommendations I get I can't implement on a regular basis. It really sux!

    Considering that there are some things you CAN'T talk about (have you actually been served with a gag order, or did your attorney advise you?) I would change your location to something more obscure. You may accidentally let something slip, or may be talking about something completely UNRELATED, but if your details are vague enough it could be assumed that you are talking of things you are not supposed to be. Sometimes we post things on here and others come by saying "OMW that SAME EXACT thing just happened here!" It's more confirmation that others can totally relate.

    Welcome again.:notalone:
  16. compassion

    compassion Member

    CABF (child and adolescent bibpolar foundation) is also an excellent resource. There are online support groups. Also, Nami can give you resources to deal with the legal system and a lot of support.
  17. keista

    keista New Member

    by the way when I was in Difficult Child over the summer, I saw posters for NAMHI studies for kids with conduct disorders on the subways. They didn't have a location listed so I don't know if they have a center close to you, but they would be a great resource.
  18. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    He is with me.
  19. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    This was Attorney's advise. I agree with Location.. thanks..
  20. Morningglory

    Morningglory New Member

    I have been very careful. He loves the babies very much he is very good with them, but I am always with in a few feet. the twins came into our life, and I saw a soft side to the 12 year old